Issues with my marriage

[Truthiness]

tl;dr version

My wife and 4 kids live 300+ miles from my job, and I have let this go on for 6 years.

Thanks all.

[DalM0m]

Is she willing to go to Marriage counseling? are you? I see two bad decisions in here: Splitting up the family & having 4 kids when you can't afford them.

What is she doing to help you get a job near her that you can live on? Have you looked in Ohio too? Would she be willing to commute even an hour to her family?

When she was in MD / VA with you what was she doing to meet people? Sitting around whining about not having any friends didn't improve the situation. Did she join groups? Get involved with other mom? Anything?

She sounds pretty selfish & immature.

[Truthiness]

I'll never regret having the children, they are the best part of my life and I love them unconditionally. Splitting up the family was a terrible decision, you are correct there. We can afford them, what I make covers every expense we have, though just barely.

I have talked to her about going to marriage counseling, but we haven't tried it.

I haven't looked in Ohio, but I will check the options there. As far as I can tell she is unwilling to move anywhere other than where she is now, but that would at least get me closer.

When she lived in Maryland, once she started working she made friends among her co-workers. She was active in a church in this area and acted in a few community college plays. She developed a network of friends, and she keeps up with most of them through Facebook.

Selfish is a word that I associate very strongly with her. I guess I'm naive, it took me a couple of years of living like this to see it, but it's pretty much all I see now.

[michelle23]

Theres too much distance. Thats the main reason youve grown apart and fallen out of love. One of you needs to compromise here. You need to be together if you want to fall in love again. Marriage counselling is needed if you want to try to make this work. Have you told her how unhappy you are being away from home so much? Have you told her you dont think your marriage will last much longer if you continue living this way? You need to be honest. And youve made a lot lf sacrifices for her over the years. Why cant she make one for you and the children so you can all be together and work on your marriage? If she refuses to move, then i cant see this working and without counselling, youll never get back that love you once had.

You need to start again and date each other. Get to know each other again coz youve both changed and grown apart. Its not gonna be easy but if your both willing to try, let go of the resentment and remember y you fell in love in the first place-then you could make this work

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[MeloveeNetwork]

Theres too much distance. Thats the main reason youve grown apart and fallen out of love. One of you needs to compromise here. You need to be together if you want to fall in love again. Marriage counselling is needed if you want to try to make this work. Have you told her how unhappy you are being away from home so much? Have you told her you dont think your marriage will last much longer if you continue living this way? You need to be honest. And youve made a lot lf sacrifices for her over the years. Why cant she make one for you and the children so you can all be together and work on your marriage? If she refuses to move, then i cant see this working and without counselling, youll never get back that love you once had.

You need to start again and date each other. Get to know each other again coz youve both changed and grown apart. Its not gonna be easy but if your both willing to try, let go of the resentment and remember y you fell in love in the first place-then you could make this work

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haha laughing my ass off ;d

[Wakeup]

Why don't you just move back there and take a job even if it's at 60% less pay? She could get a job looking after other people's children until all of your's are in school full time and she doesn't have to pay for her own babysitting of four children.

Have you asked her to get up and help with the financial situation if she's so set on living where she is? You are the door mat in this marriage instead of it being equal or give and take of the power, you've taught her that no matter what is logical, she can get her own way. Sadly you've created a monster and to leave her now will certainly cost you more then the 40% you may be losing in pay at a new job that will keep you close to your family.

You've lost a bond with her because you're gone so much and mostly because you're resenting who you taught her to be. Well, you can change you and how you view things but you sure can't chang her if what/who you're trying to change her into isn't going be in what she considers her own best interests.

Look into starting your own home day care, Taking in two other children will at least help with the grocery bill if nothing else.

[michelle23]

haha laughing my ass off ;d

Are you going to offer an opinion or are you just a time waster?

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[maryinlf]

The truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end, there it is. ~ Winston Churchill
Thank you very much, Wakeup for sharing this beautiful Quote.