Ladies, Am I on the path to a new relationship with her?

[catfish1199]

I'll skip the background info to make it concise. If want to know something, just ask!

It appears that I am on a good path, but I am not sure.

We have been broken up for 3 months after 7 years, on e of engagement. She broke with me. She cited that she didnt feel right anymore and underappreciated. She was unhappy with our direction in life and other things in her own life. We have had limited contact since. Once a week or so.

2 weeks ago, she walked into a bar that I was in, her eyes lit up, sat next to me, and we talked for hours. I put on my best show of who I was becoming. It was all smiles and laughs, and we ended up making out in her car.

2 days later, I got the green light, indirectly, to hang out at the bar woth her and our mutual friends. Some of those friends helped her make the decision to break with me. Everything was good and she stuck around me most of the time. I only stayed an hour. When I left, we hugged and she was quite upset.

A week later, which is a week ago right now, I was trying to get her to meet me for a beer or coffee. She wouldnt do it, but just acted like it wasnt convienient. So, I called her and asked her if it was because she wasnt comfortable with me. She said "she needed to take a step back" and "we couldnt get back into seeing each other all of the time because that isnt going to help us move on and do what we need to do individually"

I know she has been seeing a therapist, and I think that may have been part of that. Also, to me, this looks like "the heart says yes but the mind says no".

Two nights ago, a week after she needed to "take a step back", she told me that she couldnt figure out how to get the pics I wanted on the computer and to come get the camera after she got off of work. I met her at the bar by her work, got the camera, and hung out until closing. Again, she kinda stuck around me, even when I was around talking to some of our mutual friends that I havent seen in a while.

Does this look like I am being friend zoned?
Is it possible that she is already comfortable being around me as a friend? Even a week after she needed to take a step back and 2 weeks after our make out session?
What does it say that she is comfortable hanging out with me around the friends that helped her make the decision to break with me?
Is she coming to grips with the fact that she does still have feelings for me, and she wants to see where they go, since I have clearly set myself on the right path?

Im in a very confusing spot right now and I dont want to mess it up. What do you guys think?

[Lite]

Sounds like she's still very committed to healing herself and adjusting her life as she needs to. That she's wary of jumping into a relationship with you and possibly undoing the work she's been accomplishing the last few months.

My best advice would be to simply be the best person you can be for yourself, and see where it goes. I wouldn't hold out for her to return to your life, but it sounds like you're willing to leave the door open, and that's admirable after being hurt.

Really you just need to concentrate on fixing you, and dealing with the things in your life that you need to. If you get back together again, great, if not at least you'll know it wasn't because you were not open hearted about the possibility. Pretty much all you can do is be yourself, and let her decide what she needs to decide for herself. Don't be a doormat, enforce boundaries unless she's willing to have some sort of talk ahead of time about what both of you want and what you're trying to gain by dating again.

Good luck to you sir. You'll need it.

[catfish1199]

I agree with all of what you said Lite. I have myself on track, and I have grown immensly since the break. I know she sees the guy I used to be in me again, which is why I think she is comfortable around me. I doubt she can friend zone me comfortably after 1 week of having to step back because of our kiss. It seems like she doesnt need that step back anymore and may be ready to take that step back up to another kiss. I will find out soon.

Either way, I am taking care of myself and continuing to grow. That is what I think has gotten me where I am with her so far. She sees that I am not the man she left, but rather the man that she fell in love with.(I hope).

[Lite]

She sees that I am not the man she left, but rather the man that she fell in love with.(I hope).

Hopefully rather instead she's seeing the man you're becoming and finds that man also intriguing. Not that you're the person you were before, as that shows indication of regression or lack of growth as a person in general.

Seriously. Work on you, don't push anything with her. Let her do the approaching and just keep things low key on your end.

I would ask her things more along the lines of how her therapy is going, if it's not pressing what is she currently working on addressing. You know, to give yourself an idea of who she is, who she is becoming, and who she wants to be.

That way you can figure out if her path is going to diverge from yours in ways of personal growth and development. It shows concern and interest in her well being without being threatening. Don't offer advice or responses, just listen.

[catfish1199]

Awesome. Good advice. I have just stayed away from the therapy subject, and instead just asking about other aspects of her daily life. I guess I wasnt sure if it was prying. I will ask her next time, that will give her an opportunity to show me who she is becomming. Thanks!

PS- agreed about the regression. I guess I meant the guy I should have, and at one time showed promise of, growing into.