Can you make sense of it or am I an idiot?

[jgra]

Okay,

So about 3 months ago I broke up with a girl I was with for 7 years and had a kid with early on. I just could not grasp, I love this women and just could not get my hands around it. I understand that we both had our ups and downs and actually seperated for a couple of months about 3 years ago, but now she has actually moved out I helped her get her apartment with a promise from her to try to work out the relationship. Well once she moved out that was bye, bye everything she after some "discussions" basically said she doesn't see any sort of relationship with me and that she does not want to work things out. So I could not accept it and ofcourse I got upset and more depressed than I was. I have a kid with her and really want to be part of his life but she was my life. We both met at a young age and I was busy working on my career and school trying to get my situation straight so she and my son can count on me for anything. Oh well, something messed up and I just dont understant. Well she started going out way more with her friends and staying over there houses and ofcourse my jealousy got even higher. At this point I basically cannot stand her in any shape and form but I still love her so f*ing much. But I want to get over her and now my kid is in the middle everytime When I am with him ofcourse she is on my mind and I can't stand it. I got into an argument recently with her after she stood over her friends house and ofcourse my stupid ridiculous jealousy got the best of me again. So I basically can't deal with the situation anymore and basically told her that I dont want to be part of my kids life anymore that I just cant deal with it. I told her to pickup his xmas gifts and stuff and leave. It hurts so f*ing much I want to be part of his life but I am weird because I just can not see me in my kids life unless she is with me. I know I am pathetic. Any help, advice, anything is welcomed. Thanks

[TAVS]

You need some therapy dude. You sound very messed up.

[jgra]

Thanks I know I need therapy but I actually dont want to get it I think that in someway it might help but I think it can be solved by itself I guess not. I did try therapy with her about a year or so ago. I think it helped a little thats it. I know I might sound messed up but just let you know I am sane, I am not going to try anything rash (even though I do think about, but who doesn't)

Thanks for comments

You need some therapy dude. You sound very messed up.

[Tone]

The only therapy you need is time.

It NEVER feels good to be the one to get dumped after you've been in a serious relationship with someone, especially after 7 years and 1 child. It's just gonna take time, like all break-ups. Some days will be harder than others, but you just gotta hang in there and KNOW that someday you're gonna be okay.

Also if you want any chance with her, you need to STOP the jealousy and just completely give her space. If you continue to constantly nag her and play the jealous card even after you guys split up you'll only reinforce her initial decision to leave you. Give her space, this will give her a chance to miss you and you a chance to start to move on, cause chances are - it is over.

[vashti]

You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and think about your son. What did he ever do that made him deserve to be abandoned? I think it is extremely selfish of you to leave him because you aren't getting what you want. Sorry, but men like you disgust me. Act like a man and do the right thing. Your booboo will heal given time, but the damage you can cause your boy will last throughout his entire life.

[Lloyd95]

yeah, why take it out on your kid, he did nothing to deserve this?
Man-Up! Seriously.

[jgra]

Thanks, you guys are absolutely right. I just never had something like this happen, so I will try my best. It is just weird so many other things are happening simultaneously and it is just building up. Just to let u guys know is that I always took of my kid and I was very young at his birth and always was there to support them. I am still young and I know exactly what you people are saying but after so many other things happening at the same time it just gets to you, deaths, breakups, no family/friends to talk to, fulltime job, college, empty apartment with so many memories, 7 years down the drain, whatever I do realize all this is me trying to put my self down and I need to build my self up.

Thanks

[Lloyd95]

Good, build yourself up and take the kid along for the ride! You'll both love it as long as it's together.

[Rosebud]

Yeah I understand you being young and having a lot to deal with and not knowing how to handle. But when it comes to these things, your child HAS to be your first priority not your own happiness. Yes it sucks things are over, but your child should be the most important thing in your life, and if you have to see her and go through more pain to make your child's life more comfortable then you do it! Sorry but you have to put your feelings aside to make sure your child has what he needs!

[whaywardj]

Whatever you do or don't do, your son will adjust. One way or another. The only real question is what you want to force him to adjust to.

[jgra]

What do you mean?

Whatever you do or don't do, your son will adjust. One way or another. The only real question is what you want to force him to adjust to.

[jgra]

So I spoke to my ex today she brough my kid over and I apologized to him profusely and explained that daddy was mad and I sometimes say things I do not mean. My ex also wanted to talk to me about something and told me she had a new guy that she was talking too, which I don't mind, what so ever, but damn she did not waste anytime. Even though we broken up and all, by in a way a makes it easier for me to move on, that I guess makes it final. Also, I called and made an appointment with a therapist. Thanks for commenting and keep it coming.

[vashti]

That is the best possible thing I could have read. I wish you well.

[rcia]

I agree, you put yourself aside and let that little boy know, without a doubt how much you love him and that you will always be there for him. Then you do it. You don't just say it, you show him you love him with your time. You make it up to him by becoming the kind of man that any child would be proud to call, "Dad". Be there for him and teach him the things that are of value. You have an opportunity to create a special life in this little boy, or you also have the opportunity to destroy him with your words and actions.
Now, on to you. Do you really hate everybody. Her, you, your life? Come on. What kind of commentary is that on how you live your life. That sucks. And the best part is:
YOU HAVE CONTROL OVER IT!
You're hurting, you're ego is hurting. When things don't go our way it's not fun, but "shit happens" to everybody. When shit happens the only thing that matters is your attitude about it. You can either be cool or a fool. (I just made that up!)
Decide the person you want to be, then be it...Good Luck..Susan