I miss her so much

[Tech]

my unfortunate ex who put me in alot of trouble, damn I miss her so much.
ive unable to go to work to work the past week but must tomorrow.

I just miss everything, the closeness, intimacy, being at each others all the time, playing, talking about anything and everything, kissing, cuddling, you name it. Every little thing. and we were serious too and wanted to get married (would be her 2nd marriage) and maybe have a kid of our own (she has 2)

she was so different than most people these days, also great looking and for me being a different race, so hard to be accepted in today's society. she did... (she is caucasian).

I cry all the time, the pain and hurt, betrayal and the trauma she has caused for no reason of a very minor argument, and landing me in serious trouble as some may know.

it IS hard to get over and not easy especially since she was my first.

sure, she was older too but loved every bit. For me to find someone else like her or even similar is just not possible, I know most would say "it will be in time" but before her, it was already difficult and I had almost lost my soul and everything, she came and was it magical from the word go.

sure, we cuddled in bed together on the first time we met each other, but that was on her account not mine. we had alot of respect for one another

"unconditional love and mutual respect" she would say and I fully agree with that.


After everything I had done for her, been there for the bad and worst times as well as the good, I get treated like this.

I still have some of her emails telling me how much she loves me, wants me etc... etc... and how there will never be anyone else, obviously now to me, there probably will be.

she loved my lifestyle and way of thinking, the way of my life I lead which is what made us even closer and better.


now - nothing.

sure, I try to sign up for some dating sites but they do suck big time. I did meet her on a specific site and tried again, but no go this time round. Funny thing is, she still shows up in my "matches and compatability list"

we were made for each other, and she agreed and admitted that too even though she has had a bit of a bad past with relationship and the ex husband. i was always cautious but was comforted throughout.

we were SO comfortable with each other - you know how hard that is to find these days? very hard actually.


why why why.

very sorry for babbling.

I even made a track for her actually, and she has heard bits of it.

I do wonder what she has been up to the past few weeks after all this incident/traumatic thing she had done to me, every weekend she would be over at mine but instead, probably with someone else.

i remember her saying through the difficult times we were having that "i cannot imagine my life without you" and "every night i go to bed, the last thing I think of is you, and the first thing I think about in the morning is you"


now..... well, she probably is celebrating and being more brainwashed by her friends.

[djustice08]

I know how you feel, justdo the best you can to keep your head up i'm going through a breakup right now too and i feel like i lost my soul matter fact it's hard for me to write this with out tearing up but trying to keep busy and happy is better than sitting around moping. But i completely understand because that was how my girlfriend and I were.

[Tech]

thank-you. i understand.

at least be greatful that your girlfriend hasnt put you in deep trouble as my ex has done to me.

[traveler]

Tech i know how u feel, my ex is like that after being my best friend and everything now she ignores me, treats me with coldness and indiference and I understand you coz I also think why is she being like this after everything i did for her, I still dont understand her and I probably never will. But what u have to do is just not paying attention to her anymore, I know is hard but is the best you can do. What a friend of myne told me was: Why do you want to love somebody if that person done feel the same way for you. and he is right so just be cool, keep ur head up and live your life the best you can.

[Tech]

thanks i appreciate it.
obviously im not contacting her nor can I due to my bail condition! But the nastiness she has turned into and what she had put me in trouble for is just.... so mind boggling and just so not right.

and now my life is potentially over even though I am young because what she accused me of, is serious and she knows, as others do, that I am not the person to do such a thing.

[Harte]

Wow traveler think I'm getting that same thing too. I too am baffled. Sorry dude yeah that heart break stuff hurts and it doesn't get any better. I'm thinking men have a harder time with this stuff.

[Tech]

of course they do. especially when you become close and what not, which is what women complain about constantly then when they find it, booof.... they mess it even though all was great. or so they say, but this one i know that it was great.

[doppelgaenger]

Get over it, dude.

[Tech]

if only life was simple as a flick of a switch

[marshawna1]

hey tech,

i know what your going through, ive been the victim before, and i've broken somebodies heart before...everybody gets their heart broke and for women especially when we've already had ours shattered when finding a man who is great its kind of hard to realize it and actually believe that its gonna last so we do become a hyprocrit and in my case i did go back and forth with an ex leading him on like i was ready to have a great relationship when really were young im 20 years old and some people men and women have to grow up and have to learn who they are and order to be a great partner for you and do right by theirselves...do you mind me asking though, what did she do? did she try to set u up or something?

[Tech]

something like that. she basically accused me of sexual assault when this was never true. we were going through a rough patch, like anyone does even in marriage, and me being the better person always in this relationship, tried to help each other by fixing it, talking about it.

on that same week she said that she cannot imagine me not being in her life, loves me, wants me, wants to meet at hers and talk etc... etc... as the past 2.5 weeks prior to this event, we had little communication with each other to give each other space.

the day before she wanted to meet but she said she wasnt well and its not a blow off and that she wants to be fresh when she sees me the next day and that she loves me.

then this. i cant sleep or eat. each day and night, and weekend I wonder what she is up to. probably with someone else which makes no sense if that is the case, especially if we had something great and fantastic, deep and meaningful.

obviously, I meant nothing to her even after giving her an eternity ring to which we both agreed to a while back.

guess she was using me for convenience, money etc....

[marshawna1]

yeah thats what im guessing also, it sounds like she probably was with someone and she used you for the emotional part of the relationship. when women have a good man in their life we tend to take them for granted especially when were younger and we go towards the more type of player/ dude whos probably more spontaneous because it seems exciting at first but it rares off quickly.also its because were more used to being treated on way and even if we hate it were more drawn to the man who needs work cause we wanna be superwoman when really we need to work on ourselves. but you sound way more maturer than her in the relationship department,its never easy to get over your first love but i know that the sooner you put yourself out on the market the easier it will be for you to forget her, you sound like a really good guy and theres alot of women who have been through your ex's case and cant wait for the next one to come along because they know the difference now of what a real/good man is..karma is gonna come back to your ex..so you just stay positive get dressed up really nice and go to a club or something...

[marshawna1]

p.s i think the whole assault thing was just an easy attempt for her to leave the relationship because she is either guilty of her probably cheating and shes just usinig that as a front for you to not wanna have anything to do with her...that was taking it over the limit though i wouldnt wanna have anything to do with a woman like that if i were a dude that was really low...but like i said, karma will come back to her..one day she might really get assaulted by a man and i wouldnt be surprised if you were the first person she called to help her...

[Tech]

thanks. the thing is, she wasnt with anyone else. we were together all the time. she was great, different.... but obviously after this, its hard to believe who they are or who they have become.

we agreed on alot of things, click was there, so was the spark each and every day and thats damn good and hard to get.

so difficult to find such women like her, and as much as I would like to, I cannot. she has ruined me, destroyed me. even the intimacy and sexual drive that I never thought I had until her, is not there at all nor will it be.

we were able to do things and talk about things that one can only imagine, without being shot down - people these days, just either walk away or make a big deal and you tend to just leave the relationship. was never like that with her.

ive always supported women in any situation, and she knows that very well too. but now, i dont know.

Again, I should have gone to work today as well, but couldnt face up to it and it isnt good.

Wish I could get some message to her, some spiritual or something I dunno, see what she is up to and or thinking.

[Tech]

marshwana: indeed. she used it probably for guilt as she couldnt handle when she was clearly in the wrong due to her own ways in the past.

but now the thing is, how to proove my innocence in the crown court (UK). so difficult and I personally believe there is not enough evidence. it is on a minor scale but still a serious allegation