LADIES HELP!!! Girlfriend broke off 3 YEAR LIVE-IN relationsip!!!

[FIFA04]

Hi everyone. First time posting to a forum like this so please bare with me.

Well, it goes like this. My girlfriend broke off our relationship after 3 years. We started out as collage aquantences. After school ended she was looking for an apartment and so was I so we decided to move in together. Well things took off from that point and we became serious. By the way, I was her FIRST REAL BOYFRIEND not to mention her FIRST SEXUAL EXPERIENCE! (How's that for a doozy?!) So right away you can tell this isnt your average relationship we're talking about here!!

Well To make a long story short,things were great for the first 2 years (as they always are). Then I ended up getting laid off from my tech job and that's when things went downhill! We stopped going out and things got pretty mundane between us. She would go out with her friends without me. And i'd go out with my friends without her.I was grumpy because of my work situation and we were bickering with each other often. She was paying for the rent and everything, basically supporting me for over a year while I worked part time and looked for other work. SHe even paid for several expensive vacations! She took me on a plane trip to meet her parents and things didnt exactly go a smooth as she had hoped either. Lets just say I wasnt all that excited by them nor they be me either. It was cordial but not all friendly friendly like she had wanted.

Well one day I came home and she told me she wanted to break it off and wanted me to move out! It was kind of emotional for both of us. Off course I was in total shock but I accepted it and moved out. Now to add insult to injury I got offered a job 2 weeks after the breakup! I feel really bad and I want to make it up to her now!!

Her issue was that she felt very dissapointed in me but she wasnt mad. (lie! know she's bitter!) and she doesnt trust me that the same situation wouldnt come up again were I would be out of work and she would have to go through all that again. She felt I didnt do enough to look for a job. She's never been layed off and has a well paying job so I felt she didnt understand. Of course the family situation had alot to do with it as well.

Now my question is... how do I remain friends with her and win her trust back? It's been 2 months since the breakup. We were exchanging friendly emails back and forth for a few weeks. We even went out one time and had sex serveral times after the breakup! But now she has completely stopped replying to my emails and wont return my calls. I just want to remain friends. I know she still has feelings for me, but she said it's not the same. She's an important person to me and I want to keep the lines open between us. I want to give her the space I know she needs but at the same time I know out of sight means out of mind!! I'm afraid of staying aprt for too long. How should I approach this????

[kronos51]

I hear you my friend, going through something right now myself where I'm giving her space to think. The thing to do is tell her your feelings, all of them, and tell her that you understand she needs space and that you are willing to give it to her. Then its up to her what to do.

You do seem to have an odd situation I must say, I can't tell how much caring there is between you from what you have said, though I assume you care for her if you want to stay with her. As far as being apart goes, I think in all honesty that as long as you tell her your feelings exactly then she will make a decision that is best for things, and you should think about it too. If youre apart and both of you still miss each other after a while, then there ya go, if you both feel you have grown apart then you should be ready to move on I think.

Good luck to you my friend

[FIFA04]

Yeah, I know, she needs her space. I really care about her and the subject of getting married came up serveral times. I always dodged it. Even though I loved her, I knew in the back of my mind that I was her first relationship and that scared me off. So I think she does need the space to go out and date as much as I hate to let her go. I guess if you love some one, sometimes you have to set them free...

[kronos51]

Yeah, I guess if she feels that then thats what has to happen. My girlfriend (currently ex, kinda) feels that way cuz I'm her first "real" relationship, and she is mine as well. Personally I am fine with it, but it bothered her so I'm letting her go for now, and hoping she works things out.

Good luck to us both then

[princess2u]

I dunno if this will help, but give her space she needs, maybe a few emails every so often to let her know if she needs you, you are there as a friend. I know that sometimes relationships go into this "just existing" mode...i know that was how i felt with my x-husband....things were never exciting and i was not happy, not sad, kind of emotionless... mudane is boring and things need to keep moving and not moving to the point of complacency. And while money cant buy happiness sometimes its the money situations that tend to lead us into arguements .... when my x-husband lost his job things between us got very ugly, he wanted to do things we could not afford any longer and those were luxuries, of which lead to fighting. just remember it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. Keep your head up and hopefully from this experience you have learned something about yourself or relationships that will help you in the future