To stop loving that lady

[Broken.Hart]

It all started in March this year, she offered to help me out with organizing my 40th wedding anniversary party.
I love my wife and have never strayed but the last 5 years we have not had a healthy sex life as my wife has to catheterize her self.
Shall we call the work friend Jane from now on.
Jane works with me and started to take an interest in me and we got very involved but no sex between us.
About 4 weeks ago I told Jane how I felt about her and said I am deeply in love with her but I did not know why as I still care for my wife.
Jane did not say she was in love with me then but later said she did.
Now I have given this some long thought so hear are the facts.
1 I love my wife.
2 She loves me.
3 She looks after me, cooks, keeps house spotless, byes anything I need.
4 Is very caring.

Jane.
1 Has had 3 husbands.
2 Has 3 daughters living at home with 3 children.
3 All girls are pregnant again.
4 One is getting married this month.
5 Lots off animals at Janes place.
6 House is a tip.

I have told her we must stop but she said she still loves me but will be just good friends.
I have two problems with this.
One is I can not stop thinking about her and know I still love her.
I have stopped looking at photos of her but still have them.
The other night I drove round to her house and sat in the car hoping to get a gimps of her coming home from work on my day off.
I think my wife is getting very suspicious as I am acting strangely.
I know I should stop but how.
My life would be not as good as it is at home what with baby's around at my age 60 plus and I would be very up set if my wife got hurt and I know she would.
Just give me advise on how I can stop this please.
There is one more problem, Jane has asked if I can help with getting the hall ready for the wedding reception and I told her I would do anything for her.

[r4nd0m]

I am going through a very similar situation at the moment. I love my girlfriend, every aspect of our relationship is wonderful.. except for the sex.

When another lady comes along, and is attracted to you in a physical way, and you can talk to about all the sexual things you want to do to each other.. its very hard to not have urges to cheat and be with someone that ACTUALLY wants to be with you.

What i recommend is toning down your talking to 'Jane' (but don't cut if off completely - it must make you happy to have someone you can talk to). Then try talking to your wife. Tell her you are happy with the way your relationship is. Tell her you are still attracted to her but miss being physical with her. See what her response to this is. Give it a try and let me know how you go.

[Broken.Hart]

Now my wife is retired she says she is more relaxed and as for sex she is letting me hold her at night, that is a good start from my wife's point of view.
As what to do about Jane, it is not just a sex attraction because we have had none only kisses.
It is the future that bothers me, I know I am doing wrong but cant stop and I know I will get to a stag when it will be to late to stop.
I wrote Jane an email and said that it will not work between us but did say I love her a great deal, she cried and that hurt me more, just to know I had up set Jane.
Well so far I have not been at work for one and a half weeks, I have taken some leave thinking this may help me forget, I have spent my time taking my wife out.
I have talked to my wife about sex and she shuts me off strait away.
I just wish Jane had not started work at my place, If she had not come in to my life I would not be were I am now.
If there only was an easy way out but I do not know why I am so taken with her, if this is true love it scares me.
I am thinking that I should tell her face to face that I wish to have nothing to do with her as she is just stringing me along and do not wont to be friends with her any more.
This will upset her but would end it for good, it also would be difficult with us both working together.
I don't think I could be so crawl to anyone like that, I'll just try to keep my distance and just say hallo/bye, this will also be difficult as she has started to have her lunch with me.
I do not think there is an easy way out.

[tonks]

You need to slowly edge away from Jane.
With your wife you should really talk to her. Don't just shun her away, acting suspiciously etc. That's when most women think there's something going on.
Even simple talk will be ok will do good. Slowly bringing yourself back together again.

[Broken.Hart]

Well I have done it.
this lunch time I met her in the park for lunch and pointed out that it would hurt many people that we loved and family, she took it very well, there was some tiers but I just wiped my eyes.
We are having 2 weeks not seeing each other then agreed to be friends only for work sake.
This cooling off time I hope will work for both of us.