Long Distance Relationship

[Berict]

Hello,

I met this girl at a bar about 4 months ago. We've been dating for about a month in person and I really like her. She had to go back to New York because she lives there. So now we live on the opposite ends of the United States, turning the relationship into a long distance one. She assured me that she'll move back to Seattle in where I live. This is where it gets tricky: She told me last month she'll be back. Didn't happen. Now she's telling me again that she has to wait another month through September.

I visited her in New York to keep the relationship alive. So I spent a lot of cash for the plane ticket and whatever else ... just to be with her. We communicate a lot through text messaging and/or phone. I've started noticing a common theme on how she's trying to get me to fly back to New york again. Is this completely normal or is there something wrong with this picture?

Any comments/advice would be appreciated!

[nerdy_guy]

If she's the type to break promises, I don't think it would work. If she says she'll visit, she should. Long distance relationships are very hard to maintain and if there are problems at the start, you better forget about it.

[kitkitkitty]

only thing you can do to see if she keeps to her word is to wait until september, i guess. if you have the time [and money] you could meet in the middle somewhere, book yourselves a hotel room for a couple of days? the fact that she wants you to come to see her could be funds related.

[Berict]

Thanks for the comments so far! This is my first relationship with a woman and she's a little older than I am. She has had some health problems so she went to the doctor to get treated. The problem is she can't see me if she wanted to because she can't afford a plane ticket. So the ball would naturally be in my court because I have cash to burn. She tells me she loves me all the time, texts/calls me frequently, etc etc. I think this person cares about me enough to want to have a relationship... I'm starting to have feelings for this girl, but is it worth it?

"the fact that she wants you to come to see her could be funds related." < -- Does that mean she's only using me for the money?

[Shark]

It's normal, but remember that it's natural for people to eventually take things for granted. If you guys move in with each other, you won't getting the same amount of attention / affection.

Also, be careful about deciding to move in, don't make the decision to fast. Remember that like anything else in life, this should be analyzed in a risk/reward fashion. If you move in with her, and things end up NOT working out, how bad would you feel about relocating to New York? If things DO work out, would you be happy and feel that it was worth it to move to New York? Take a practical approach and use your head to think about it logically before you jump the gun and move to New York simply because you think you guys are in love.

solvemygirlproblems.com

[lahnnabell]

A month is not enough time to decide if moving across the country for someone else is worth it. So, she could be stalling to buy herself some time so she doesn't really have to move, or she's trying to save enough money to make the move. I made the move from Boston to San Diego and it's not easy. There's a lot to figure out before you can simply pack your bags and move 3,000 miles or so.

If she's so serious about leaving New York to live in Seattle then she'd be keeping you in the loop about what the steps she's taking to get out there. She hasn't done this which makes me think she's not planning on leaving any time soon.

[Berict]

Thank you two for your comments. Thumbs up!

[kitkitkitty]

"the fact that she wants you to come to see her could be funds related." < -- Does that mean she's only using me for the money?

i don't think she's using you/ taking advantage. she just simply doesn't have the money which is the reason she'd ask you to come to her, nothing shady i don't think. do her health problems stop her from flying/ travelling?

[girl68]

My friend waited for her partner to move across the country for her. She waited 4 years. He never came. I forsee this being your future.

If she can't afford to visit how the hell is she going to afford MOVING?

[nerdy_guy]

Thanks for the comments so far! This is my first relationship with a woman and she's a little older than I am. She has had some health problems so she went to the doctor to get treated. The problem is she can't see me if she wanted to because she can't afford a plane ticket. So the ball would naturally be in my court because I have cash to burn. She tells me she loves me all the time, texts/calls me frequently, etc etc. I think this person cares about me enough to want to have a relationship... I'm starting to have feelings for this girl, but is it worth it?

"the fact that she wants you to come to see her could be funds related." < -- Does that mean she's only using me for the money?

My ex also was always in red. That never stopped her from buying a ticket to see me. Like I said, it takes a lot of effort. I've been through LDRs all my life.
Using you for your money is not exactly something you can judge her at this time. If she wants you to visit her more times than she can visit you, I wouldn't consider it using your money. The only time I'll consider it using your money is when you start paying for dates at an unreasonable frequency and price AND she asks you to buy her stuff OR directly asks you for money.

[Berict]

My girlfriend just called and told me her roommate is moving out! This is good news for me because now she has to move back to Seattle. Just when I thought this relationship was gonna hit the bottom, it shows signs of hope. Thanks everyone who replied! Hooray!

[Ask Kitty]

Its something defiantly uneasy about your situation but i just can't put my finger on it. I was thinking that maybe the reason she didn't come back to Seattle was because she couldn't afford it.