WOMEN are hard to understand!?

[imagineallthe]

I'm ****ed up. Here it goes...

I met a guy at uni: geeky, great taste in music, etc. He asked me out with his friends to a pub. I didn't care because he was really not my type, so I pretended to overlook his question. He talked to me on Facebook after that. I'm not saying he's in love - but we did click pretty good. The fact that he seems unaware of how fascinating he is, makes him even more attractive. The more we talk, the more we share our humor and music, but when we meet in person - he seems a bit reserved. He smiles when I smile though, and eases up again. He asked me out for bowling yesterday and I said no because I'm a chicken. He also asked where I had been cause we hadn't met for awhile, and if the conversation got stuck, he just picked it back up. At the end, we talked like friends - so he's probably not in love, but I really liked being his friend!


Unknowingly, I've fallen pretty hard for this guy so I get extremely nervous when we Facebook-chat. Tonight we talked again, the first time ever I dared to take initiative. I used long time before answering him, and answered shortly - cause I have no idea how to respond for him to like me. He's suddenly strange; seems busy/uninterested and writes "uhmm, cool" etc. Then he finish it off suddenly with "yeah, thanks:p" to a tip I gave of a movie he should watch, and logs off. It was just YESTERDAY when we'd be completely normal with each other and laugh! It's gone from the time where I thought it was fun - to the point where I'm the nervous wreck and he has all control. This makes me tense and it's so annoying it turned out this way; some sort of power/self esteem issue. As soon as I fall in love with someone, I lose my confidence and start to doubt myself. Why would anyone find me interesting? God knows, but he seemed to! Which is why it's kind of sad to see it all go away. It felt good having a crush. I hate this loveshit... I hate analysing what a facebook-chat means for gods sake. Thing is... I'm the only one worrying. He's probably carefree and thought nothing of it.


It sounds like the smallest issue on the planet - but it SUCKS balls because I clearly messed it up.The reason for why I fell for him in the first place was because he didn't stress about all those things guy stress about (sex, hooking up) and now I'm afraid he doesn't even want a friendship. I wouldn't even care if he had a girlfriend - why does he have to blow me off like that? Answer #1: he probably never remotely cared, and now that I act all goofy and awkward towards him, he's thinking "holy shit what a weirdo". Answer #2: I suck with men.


SORRY FOR LONG POST - FEEL FREE TO READ ANY SENTENCE AND JUST GIVE A GIRL SOME HELP.

[blent]

Lol this made me laugh. Just ask him to hangout some time. The reason his replies were less lengthy could be because he feels more comfortable chatting with you now. Instead of acting like he's interested in everything you say, he's able to be a little more honest with how he feels about what you're saying. You also kinda blew him off with bowling, so maybe he's letting go a bit thinking you're only interested in being friends. That is why you should ask him to hangout, if he accepts it will show you that he likes spending time with you and will show him that you're interested in spending time with him. If he declines, it means nothing because you've already declined his bowling offer, so it's just an eye for an eye situation. It will simply show you that he's not interested in anything more than just friendship.

To be honest you shouldn't be analyzing any of this, just ask him to hangout.

[IncognitoSir]

^^^^^ Yeah, and for god's sake, stop fronting and be yourself damnit!

[Yet another guy]

It seems that he is/was attracted to you but probably lost his interest because you blew him off twice already. You may still be able to salvage the situation though by flirting and asking him out directly.

[Bonfire]

Sometimes I wish girls would write exactly what they would write on this forum and send a copy of it to the guy. I mean if I read how a girl felt about me in this manner. I would be sorta flatter and moved. It's kinda cute to see them act all dorky. lol I would definitely go out with them.

[imagineallthe]

haha thanks guys=) Reading this all over again I realise just how sensitive I am to his response.. Yeah I don't care if he says no if I ask him out, I just want us to get along and be OK again. I believe he's thinking so little of this, that it doesn't matter to him and that hurt me for a while there. I'll try to "man" myself up and ask...

[Rustroot]

Good for you! Never be afraid, or scared, to let someone know how you feel - be careful of overdoing it though. I hope all works well for you!

[SelflessnHumble]

# 3 You're a weirdo who sucks with men.

What you lack is due to experience, or your lack of experience.

Insecurity: low self esteem are relationship destroyers.
Being a fake phony is also detrimental to relationships.

Next time: don't front.
he doesn't want a chicken.
He wants a woman who is sure of herself. You aren't that woman.
Why should he be with you when you have all of these issues? (it's a legit question not an attack)

In the end: YOU have all the power.
Your reactive nature will push all men away.

[imagineallthe]

In the end: YOU have all the power.

Yeah I hear ya. I've always been shy unless it's been with people I don't know, just easier that way. Not sure why. It's almost as if it's comfortable to avoid possible rejection, rather than realise I have all the power. I think my deep down fear in relationships is if I actually do have that power, and use it - and STILL don't get recognition or whatever it is I'm looking for, would scare me somehow. thanks for reply

[jerybaby18]

Let me start off by saying, you need to just be yourself. That is your biggest issue. Don' worry about what anyone thinks of you. Be YOU and if someone doesn't like you for that, than oh well.
Now, I think he is disappointed because you have blown him off, so he is stepping back a bit. Ad other posters have said... you can make up for that by asking him to hang.
Try not to stress about it. You need to be more secure in yourself. Insecurity can be a turn off. As I said, just be YOU!

[damn2010]

Keep this advise for the future. If you keeping saying "No" to guys you like when they ask you to hang out. THEY WILL STOP ASKING! Then you sit there scratching your head wondering why they won't ask you out?

Honestly, we ask girls out ALL the time, and at least for me...I use a set of rules. If I ask a girl out and she says No, but offers a reschedule...I'll work with her. If she cancels AGAIN, then I just plain stop asking.

This guy just realized you're now Facebook Chat buddies. He asked you out, you said "No", so he wasn't going to ask again. You really now have to make the move to ask him out because he won't bother to do so again because he figures you're a waste of time since you rejected him the first time.

Good luck, but you ruined your first chance.

[UnknownSld]

Sometimes I wish girls would write exactly what they would write on this forum and send a copy of it to the guy. I mean if I read how a girl felt about me in this manner. I would be sorta flatter and moved. It's kinda cute to see them act all dorky. lol I would definitely go out with them.

Yea, that would really make it easier. But everyone has made some good points here. Be yourself, ask him to hang out, reschedule if you can't make it on the night he asks you out and try not to stress to much from his reactions or lack of. You might have made things a little harder to salvage but if you really like him then it is worth going for it. Good luck.