fear of cheating, once married, - commitment is new to me.

[AmIwrong]

let me mention the title should be
fear of cheating, ALMOST married, - commitment is new to me.
windows spell check auto fix! arg....

Now, before you say I’m romanticizing to make myself feel better, or to convince myself “cheating” is okay blah blah blah, just read it, I’m trying to use descriptively explain how I feel…

I have always treated dating as a game, I, a bird of pray and her the pray. I have never seen myself as a majestic or proud bird; just one who likes to eat and loves the hunt.

Well one day this bird (me) found an opportunity to live in a zoo, in a huge cage (marriage). With a loving zoo keeper (god) and a food, that’s just right for me, health, tasty, but the same every day(a wife). So in this zoo, I get my favorite food and I deeply love it.

This sounds perfect, safe from the out side, never worrying about “feeding” the next day, never worrying about failing at the hunt, or not being cared for or loved., the bird is taken care of.

Now there is a risk of things never working out perfect in the zoo, I admit that.. Don’t get me wrong…

But there is an issue, the bird of pray (me) loves to hunt, its part of who he is, the bird is a predator, always has been, always will be.

Now I fear for the bird losing his spirit due to not hunting. Or worse, the bird fly’s out of the zoo huts and tries to sneak back in, the bird has always loved the hunt, more then even eating the food (sex).


I have been a player; I have always been a predator, the more the unobtainable the woman, the more exciting the challenge, the greater the hunt is how I have always felt. 9 times out of 10, I was successfully in my “campaign” or “hunt”.

Now,
I would like to call myself a “saved” Christian, I want to live in this zoo, I want to love getting my favor food for every mill. That’s what I want, but this part of me, that is part of me is strong, I enjoy confrontation, I enjoy deception, trick people, but that’s not who I want to be, I want to be a loving man, a godly man, a good man. I love, this woman, I have been in this relationship for nearly 3 years, only have I had any commitment issues and that’s was during a brake and I was very drunk.

[bluesummer]

Um, so make this simple for me.

You're a married guy who considers himself a player, and enjoys chasing after and sleeping with women just for the ego boost. I'm not sure if you have cheated on your wife or are contemplating it.

You don't like that you act this way and want to change, is that right? Are you asking us how to change yourself?

[AmIwrong]

getting married

fear of cheating


i have just always loved the game....

its what i have spent most of my life focused on,

sad i know, but i have enjoyed bending woman feelings to my will, a control issues i guess.. but im really not a controlling person... i tend to just roll with life...

[1averagejoe]

If you're not willing to give something like that up and are not even confident in yourself...this woman doesn't deserve to be married to you. Don't go hurting someone else because you can't control yourself.

If you think this is something you know you're going to have trouble getting over with, seek professional help.

[Gribble]

Why force yourself to do something you don't enjoy? I much prefer wooing women to actually having them.

Are you getting older? Are you worried that if you don't find a woman now and seal the deal you're going to be alone?

[IndiReloaded]

Why don't you chase your wife? It doesn't sound to me like its 'the chase' for you, its sounds like you're into the attention YOU get. Not the same thing.

Anyway, it can get old for your wife if you're too needy, but she can probably do more to stroke your ego & make you happier.

There's a good book my husband & I read, called 'Mating in Captivity', you might want to pick up a copy. Its relevant.

[Time Piece]

getting married

Yikes.

sad i know, but i have enjoyed bending woman feelings to my will, a control issues i guess.. but im really not a controlling person... i tend to just roll with life...

Yes, yes it is... sad. Your also lying to yourself.

If you're not willing to give something like that up and are not even confident in yourself...this woman doesn't deserve to be married to you. Don't go hurting someone else because you can't control yourself.

If you think this is something you know you're going to have trouble getting over with, seek professional help.

What he said… exactly.

And OBTW, this girl your thinking of marrying… is someone else’s daughter. If you had daughter or a sister for that matter would you want YOU dating them much less marrying them?

Bend to your will?!

I don’t even know you and I don’t like you.

Try this, get a life and grow up while your at it.

With a loving zoo keeper (god)

Agreed.

I would like to call myself a “saved” Christian,

I'm sure you would.

Yes, "youarewrong".

[bluesummer]

I wouldn't be getting married until you were certain you could get a grip on your urges. It's not fair to your future wife.

[IndiReloaded]

PS - 'pray' is what you do when your wife finds out you've been chasing other 'prey', SillyHawk.

[Hollywood]

What is so hard about being single.
No Commitments.
If you want to be a player... stay single!

[agatha]

Sooner or later you'll experience how it feels like being played. Surely it will happened to you what you have done to others.
Not all the you will win in the game.

But I do appreciate on how you made your story.
The way you use words. Using other terms instead of direct names.

[AmIwrong]

Why force yourself to do something you don't enjoy? I much prefer wooing women to actually having them.

Are you getting older? Are you worried that if you don't find a woman now and seal the deal you're going to be alone?

I love her...

Why don't you chase your wife? It doesn't sound to me like its 'the chase' for you, its sounds like you're into the attention YOU get. Not the same thing.

Anyway, it can get old for your wife if you're too needy, but she can probably do more to stroke your ego & make you happier.

There's a good book my husband & I read, called 'Mating in Captivity', you might want to pick up a copy. Its relevant.

Thank you, best advice, i will find the book and give it a good read and pray for some extra "direction" i want to be a good husban to a woman who loves me so much....

Yikes.

Yes, yes it is... sad. Your also lying to yourself.

What he said… exactly.

And OBTW, this girl your thinking of marrying… is someone else’s daughter. If you had daughter or a sister for that matter would you want YOU dating them much less marrying them?

Bend to your will?!

I don’t even know you and I don’t like you.

Try this, get a life and grow up while your at it.

Agreed.

I'm sure you would.

Yes, "youarewrong".

You need to go back to church and really pay attention to Christ’s message, we are all not perfect, and im not here to ask you to judge, if you want to judge go some place else. then ask god to help guide your heart away form such an existence, we all have weaknesses and parts that need to be improved, i believe we just discovered yours.


"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? [42] How can you say to your brother, `Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

I wouldn't be getting married until you were certain you could get a grip on your urges. It's not fair to your future wife.

I agree, with your statment, my point is, i enjoy the hunt... and i dont want to.. i would not call it an eurge as much as... i have always lead mylife that way (except recently) I fear that i cant change.. guess you dont know until you try?

What is so hard about being single.
No Commitments.
If you want to be a player... stay single!

It's just that, i dont want to be a player......

[lesa]

Seek professional counseling (marriage?) is the best thing to do in this situation. If I was absolutely serious then I would do that.

[Time Piece]

You need to go back to church and really pay attention to Christ’s message, we are all not perfect,

Uh, yeah, I got that message thank you very little.

and im not here to ask you to judge, if you want to judge go some place else.

Really?

Let me get this straight. YOU come on this forum and state…

-YOUR getting married

-YOU fear YOU will cheat

-YOU have always loved to play the game

-It’s what YOU have spent most of YOUR life focused on

-sad but YOU know…and…YOU have enjoyed bending womans feelings to YOUR will, a control issues YOU guess (cough, cough, guess my ass) but YOU feel YOU are not really a controlling person.

Now, after reading what YOU wrote what am I supposed to do? Not judge you or the situation? How can I tell you without reading, comprehending, and then making an informed decision (judging what’s going on) based upon what YOU wrote?!

Judge: analyze, consider, conclude, critic, criticize, critique, decide, determine, discern, distinguish, gauge, intermediary, mediator… think I have made my point.

Judge: To make a decision about (a controversy or dispute, for example) after deliberation, as in a court of law.

Or in this case and online forum of non-biased poster(s)… one of which is myself.

Also, it appears to me you didn’t like my response, getting defensive and testy are we… huh?! I’m not going anywhere just because YOU think I should.

Speaking of which, it’s obvious by YOUR post YOU have judged me.

then ask god to help guide your heart away form such an existence, we all have weaknesses and parts that need to be improved, i believe we just discovered yours.

Where NOT talking about me now are we?! Where talking about YOU. And IF you really love this girl, IMHO, judging from what you are saying you should NOT marry her if you can not say with 100% certainty that you will love her and only her.

“I, AmIwrong, do take _____ as my wife, to love honor and cherish, forsaking all others…”

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? [42] How can you say to your brother, `Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

And just after that it states…

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives: he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."

YOU are seeking, I gave it my best shot not just for YOU, but for her, unbeknownst to her.

I agree, with your statment, my point is, i enjoy the hunt... and i dont want to.. i would not call it an eurge as much as... i have always lead mylife that way (except recently) I fear that i cant change.. guess you dont know until you try?

Your not the brightest crayon in the box.

What happens if you fail? I’ll tell you what happens, you break another’s heart in two forever altering their life and you go back to the hunt.

Your not even married and YOU have stated repeatedly that you love to hunt and bend woman to your will and have in FACT already one time when you where drunk (excuse) where with someone else.

I’ll ask this again…

And OBTW, this girl your thinking of marrying… is someone else’s daughter. If you had daughter or a sister for that matter would you want YOU dating them much less marrying them?

[AmIwrong]

Uh, yeah, I got that message thank you very little.

Really?
ect... ect.. ect...

im not here to argue with you, im here to ask for advise from poeple who may have been in the same boat i am in. A long history in a not so "good/ethical" place seeking to change, admitting a flaw and fear.... maybe you have been burnt in the past if so im sorry.. so take it up with that person, not a stranger trying to better himself.... like i said we all have our flaws and im trying to work past mine, you have brougt yours to someone seeking advise... please dont repost if this is the way you plan to treat people who are inharrently looking for help or advise...

its not your place to judge, nore it is mine, I do not require a responce or an argument, if need be i will talerate a personal message.

but if you get off subject on the forum, ill will just ask a moderator to address the issue......


honestly your not acomplishing anything, but telling me the things i posted...i know what i wrote.. i know where i have been.....

i know i havent been the greats man. maybe thats part of the problem.. drop your expectation of people, and go and take some time for self reflection....

and to answer your question again... just incase it was not clear enough, we where not together at the time...

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? [42] How can you say to your brother, `Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."