The other woman

[disbekable]

I’ve been with my boyfriend for about two years now. He’s always had dominantly female friends rather than male. There’s been a few instances in the past where he’s had a crush on a few of them, although one in particular.

There’s this girl that my boyfriend has always been very close with… although they’ve never dated regardless of his seemingly never dying crush on her… he promised her several years back that he’d buy her a rose every year for valentine’s day. He’s surprisingly kept that promise claiming that he hates breaking promises. Although that apparently doesn’t apply to me given he always breaks his promises to me. She posted a picture of this year’s on the internet, where she got several comments asking if it were from her lover or other half and she agreed.

Whenever I bring up anything about her he gets sensitive about it. And if we’re anywhere near her, he won’t hold my hand, he’ll stand closer to her etc. He’s also like this with several other girls he’s had an extremely close past with..

I’ll admit, I’ve not been an angel in the past… but since then, severe events have occurred [me almost dying for instance] we’ve both changed and become more committed. Although, the rose incident happened AFTER “we” changed and he’s beginning to ignore me in front of other girls and his friends again… He always tells me that I’m the only woman in his eyes, that he only wants me. But when I bring up my insecurities he doesn’t take long to change the subject.

He’s a good guy… most of the time.. He treats me right, but I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.. I know there’s more fish in the sea, but I don’t feel ready to end things with him given the amount we’ve been through. I don’t know quite what I’m getting at, I’m sorry for writing so much…

What do I do to get his attention again? What do I do to prove I’m the better option?

[I know it sounds stupid, “he wouldn’t be dating me if he didn’t think I was the better option” but he fears rejection and being single.. so]

[surfhb]

Obviously he's not right for you since you are on here. What does time invested have anything to do with anything? You're not happy and he will not change because people don't change a whole lot

[smackie9]

I agree too with everyone here. If he insists on clinging onto the hope that he will be with her someday, then he isn't ready to be in a relationship until he lets that finally go. Stop wasting your time with a guy that dreams of being with someone other than you.

[gardenofjade]

Deal breaker. Break up unless he puts a ring on your finger and commits. Won't be easy but it will be the best thing for you. Years later you'll see a clearer picture.

[smackie9]

Face it, you say she is the other woman, but in reality you are.......

[disbekable]

by "given the amount we’ve been through" I also meant the moments. But thank you to you all, this has been very helpful. It's much appreciated.

[IndiReloaded]

he promised her several years back that he’d buy her a rose every year for valentine’s day. He’s surprisingly kept that promise claiming that he hates breaking promises. Although that apparently doesn’t apply to me given he always breaks his promises to me.

Are you joking? He sends her a rose every year??

I'm sorry to post this, but you can't do anything to 'prove you are the better option' b/c you are a placeholder. Do you know that term? Do you know the REM song 'The One I Love'?

This one goes out to the one I love
This one goes out to the one 've left behind
A simple prop to occupy my time

[Rosebud]

Sigh... I have to agree with Indi on this. You need to let this jerk go and find you a guy who is totally committed to you and you ONLY!!!!