Drinking

[drummerguy]

hello there. i just needed some help in my relationship, and it seems as if i can't turn to anyone i know right now, so i came here. i am currently a freshman at college, and just celebrating my 2 year "anniversary" of dating my girlfriend, who is a sophomore at a different college about an hour from here. Before heading off to college, neither of us drank alcohol. But she joined a sorority at her current school, and has started to drink frequently. i tend to believe that her "friends" (who drink alllllll the time) just want her to drink because she typically hasn't wanted to, not because they have a good time with her (they don't like me either, because they think i'm "holding her back"). she says she just wants to drink, and they don't peer pressure her.

i dont have a huge problem with drinking in itself, but i find it discomforting that she's drinking at frat parties when we're an hour away from each other. we both love each other deeply and have told each other that while nothing's for sure, we do want to spend our lives together. she doesn't exactly get sloppy drunk when she drinks, but she does get drunk enough to where it makes me nervous. it's quite honestly the only hitch in our relationship--we never fight, or really even squabble, about anything, except this topic.

recently she agreed not to drink on a friday night, because our anniversary was saturday and we always are frustrated with each other after she drinks. she called me at 1 am just to check in, and admitted that she had in fact drank. it really bothered me that she went against her word, but i didnt say much. other times when she drank, she has told me she wouldnt do anything she wouldn't do when i wasn't there (and she's typically a shy person). well, of course, the next day i see pictures of her on facebook giving another girl a lapdance (jokingly, but still), and there's been other similar circumstances. that's something she'd never do sober, or if i was there with her.

when we talk about this topic, i always stay calm and tell her that it really makes me nervous, and i would really appreciate if she would not drink. and if she must, then please only drink when i can come up to her school and be there. she then always gets really mad at me, and occasionally hangs up on me. she says she's her own person and i'm trying to control her. i really don't understand it. i'm not controlling at all, in fact all my friends say i'm "whipped" haha. i love this girl with all my heart, and it breaks my heart when i get her mad, but at the same time, i feel like she's not necessarily being fair to me.

earlier in the week she told me she might go out this friday, and i asked her please not to, because she is driving down here on saturday morning and i really didn't want her to be hungover or tired driving down here (i would get her, but i don't have a car down here). she said she might not, she'll just decide on friday night. i'm really afraid she's going to go out again. i called her today, and we talked about it again, and she says that she thinks for me, it's about more than the drinking, and that i need to grow as a person and just accept it. i don't necessarily see it that way, but she says we need some "time for ourselves". now we've done this in the past because of this topic, and she's always called like two hours later and apologized. but who knows now.

please understand that we have a wonderful relationship, and things are honestly perfect with the both of us until we approach this topic. we never fight about anything else. but this topic just won't go away. i really feel that if she would just stop drinking, she can still go out with friends and have a good time, as she has in the past, namely last year. i feel as if this whole thing is hurting our relationship, and we should just expunge it from our lives and continue on. she refuses to give in, and says that i'm just stubborn, but i really am just trying to help us.

thank you for reading this long-winded message, i just needed somewhere where i could vent freely, and hopefully get some advice. it would mean a lot to anyone who can read this whole thing and help out haha. thanks again.

[Cyprian]

I feel pretty similar to you. I have no real advice since I am kind of in the same boat. Just thought I would add that there are other people who feel similar to you.

[Gigabitch]

First of all, read this thread:

[url]http://www.loveforum.net/showthread.php?t=14307[/url]

Blue Toxin still posts here regularly- he's been in your position.

[drummerguy]

thanks guys, that does help. i thought i might be the only college kid in the world that doesn't drink haha. i just called my girlfriend and told her i hate not speaking to her, and i truly am lucky to have her. we came to a compromise that she would drink occasionally, and when she drinks, she won't dance or get physical with any guys or anything, since she's at a frat. i told her some things that i wouldn't like her doing. she agreed not to do them. she will call me when she gets back safely from being out, no matter how late it is, and assure me she's alright (this one isn't because i'm like her dad, it's because i am a worrier and i wont be able to sleep until i know she's okay). i'm still not thrilled, as i would rather prefer she didnt drink at all (which wouldn't be terribly hard--her friends already know she doesnt drink that much, so it shouldnt be a social thing, and she didnt drink at all last year). but i had to compromise or else she just gets to mad at me, and i can't handle that because i love making her happy, and i can't bear to make her mad. hopefully this works out--it still makes me nervous, but i'll give it a try.