Am I insane?

[AndrewUK]

I've just come to the end of a six year relationship. It ended due to my partner having two affairs in the past 2 and a half years. We got over the first - kind of, but the second one killed us for sure. We had a child together who is a year and a half old. We had a regular babysitter (Lorna) who we used over the past year and in recent months became more like a friend and spent a lot of her time at our place. Initially she was my partner's friend but increasingly I got along with her better. Since ending things with my ex partner I've now started a relationship with Lorna.

We get on exceptionally well. There is a massive age gap (I'm in my 40s and she is 16) but it has so far not been a problem for either of us apart from her not wanting to tell her parents about us. She is very mature for her age and I've always been quite young in my head (maybe everyone is). In all my previous relationship I've never been so relaxed and comfortable with someone. She hasn't had any good previous relationships and hates the way all guys her own age are totally preoccupied with sex - which seems to be the only thing they want from a relationship. She has been sensible enough not to sleep with any of them or compromise her self respect by doing something she is not ready for. She likes the way that I love her for who she is and we have taken things slowly. I'm not going to allow us to do anything she is not totally comfortable with.

I have a major battle doing on inside. My heart is saying to keep things going as long as possible because it just feels so right and feels so good but my head is telling me it's doomed to failure and I should end it. The few people I have spoken to about this think I've gone mad. I'm not sure if they are just looking at the age difference and giving the standard response or if they have given it some serious thought. I'm expecting some standard responses here. They have gone through my head and I'd probably have said the same to others in my situation but it's not quite that simple when you are in my position. It's not easy to be sensible and finish it - if that is indeed the right thing to go.

Thanks for listening.

[Only-virgins]

Am I Insane?

Probably.

_______________

[AndrewUK]

Why bother replying if you are not going to say anything useful?

[misombra]

i don't see anything wrong with what you're doing.

it's a shame that a child had to be born into your ex's and your drama.

[misombra]

oh wait... she's 16 and you're in your 40's?

you're a fool. sorry.

[starbuck]

OP, you know that this is NOT a healthy relationship for you or her. You said so yourself, that you would give others the advice that people are giving you. If you continue on with this relationship, be prepared for even more emotional turmoil as well as social turmoil. Your friends will not understand this, and you may lose them. Her family will absolutely hate this situation, it's its doubtful that you will be welcome anywhere near them.

You are hurt from your ex's infidelities and your pain is causing you to seek solace in a relationship that may be very damaging to you and this girl (who is practically still a child) in the future. My advice? Break it off with the babysitter now before it goes any further, and seek counselling to help you deal with your pain.

[fCukl0vee]

>She is very mature for her age and I've always been quite young in my head

I love how they always try to justify their actions.

Yes. you are insane if you really think this would work.
Ask yourself this.. would you let your 16 year old daughter date a guy in his 40's?

the age gap is way too big..
1) your friends and her friends are going to look down on you guys
2) her family will probably kill you when they find out

[Cain]

If she was my daughter, you'd be in the hospital.

She's a child. You're sick.

[Kromat]

I've just come to the end of a six year relationship. It ended due to my partner having two affairs
in the past 2 and a half years. We got over the first - kind of, but the second one killed us for sure. We had a child together
who is a year and a half old. We had a regular babysitter (Lorna) who we used over the past year and in recent months
became more like a friend and spent a lot of her time at our place. Initially she was my partner's friend but increasingly I got
along with her better. Since ending things with my ex partner I've now started a relationship with Lorna.

We get on exceptionally well. There is a massive age gap (I'm in my 40s and she is 16)

I know that once you get older, you want to date younger women, to feel young again, but with your babysitter?
I'm pretty sure that there are women in their 40s that will make you just as happy.
She's still deciding what to do with her life and your pressuring her to grow up way too fast, and not even legal enough to have
sex with you and can you wait that long, since you seem to be pretty horny from what I'm reading.

Okay, so you could've had a one-night stand, it could happen, but to ruin her childhood
because of a relationship that ended and use her as a rebound is just wrong.
You have to re-evaluate yourself about your morals and how others will see when your around her, as this is
pedophile territory atm and her parents could arrest you for going out with someone that isn't legal for you yet.

P.S. I think you should listen to your head, since this feelings will just get you into trouble.

[Cain]

By the way, I hope you don't have sex with her. I can guarantee you this "relationship" won't last and it would be entirely disrespectful of you to steal this girl's virginity.

[AndrewUK]

Well what a nice forum this is. Such great and caring advice. Not that I have an issue with your options but you could learn to express them better. Don't bother replying any more because I won't be back.

[Gribble]

You're not just insane, you're also a sick pedophile.

People like you should literally be removed from the gene pool. Please leave and don't ever come back. You disgust me.

[Cain]

Well what a nice forum this is. Such great and caring advice. Not that I have an issue with your options but you could learn to express them better. Don't bother replying any more because I won't be back.

Good. Get the **** out of here, pedophile.

What did you expect? You're wanting to start a relationship with a CHILD. And if she was willing to have sex with you right now, you'd do it. And you're excuse is that she's mature for her age and you're still immature.

[Gribble]

If she was my daughter, you'd be in the hospital.

She's a child. You're sick.

If she was my daughter or my sister this sick **** would be in the morgue. After a month spent screaming in my basement.

[Only-virgins]

>She is very mature for her age and I've always been quite young in my head

I love how they always try to justify their actions.

I know right, it is so strange.