I have a very good female friend that is studying abroad. One week ago, she came back for a week of holidays.The thing is, she isn't quite a friend to me.

I met her 3 years ago through a good friend. I was 17 at the time and she was 16. I was a very shy guy back then, having almost no relationships with girls, which killed my self-esteem. Actually, the day I met her, I was alone with my friend and when he told me those two girls would join us, I felt uncomfortable. Both of them were half native, half American, so they were speaking both my language and English, and while I had a Diploma of Proficiency in English, I was too shy to speak it! Luckily, they were both very different from any other girls I knew, and they 'forced' me in their conversations. That day, we had so much fun and I enjoyed myself very much. We got together well and so they invited me to the beach the next day. My friend actually told me that they thought I was a very funny and interesting person!

At first, I just enjoyed their company. But it didn't take long since I started getting very close with one of them, though. I'll call her L. Out of nowhere, my heart was beating like never before and I knew something was there. She was so unique; finally, I had met a girl that knew how to have crazy fun, while being kind, trustworthy, and sweet. To this day, I still believe she is the most special girl I've ever met. She has this unique look in her eyes, that I can't quite describe. It just makes me feel special looking into them! Unfortunately, she didn't return my feelings (even the way she said no, made it feel less painful and not as a rejection). Before she left the day I asked her to be my girl, she looked at me with a sad face and told me she really wanted to keep me as a friend - and she is the only girl to date that meant it. I decided to fight and keep her that way, because I knew how much of a golden heart she was. It took me long to get over it, and only completely forgot about it after I got into a long relationship with another girl. We didn't communicate that often, but even if we talked after months, we treated each other like best friends seeing each other every day. Long into my relationship, I had forgotten her totally as a love interest. Or so I thought.

Back to the present, L contacted me the next day after she arrived and we arranged to go out. Almost two years of not seeing her made me notice every change on her, and it was only positive changes. We got along as usual, but I didn't feel anything...yet. Just before she had to go home, she suggested we go for a swim together the next few days. The location was the same place we chose 3 years ago. When beach day came and we got out of the bus, I just felt something; I relived an old scene, but tried to dismiss it as simple nostalgia. We had so much fun at the beach, the two of us, and we got closer. After we left, she invited me to a concert that day, to which I went. There, it came back. I had that feeling all day long, but I was sure there, at the concert. At one point, she got pushed by some random guy, and I grabbed her by the waist to break the fall, and when she stood on her feet, she put her arms on my shoulders to find her balance, and started laughing. I was looking into her eyes, holding her like this, and I knew that I was staring in the eyes of the sweetest and most beautiful girl ever. I so wanted to kiss her, but I was afraid; I was already rejected once, I didn't want to risk our relationship, and she was leaving the next day. After the concert, and soaked in sweat as we were, we exchanged a hearty hug and said goodbye.

She is coming back next summer, for a week at best. I'm feeling so lost right now and I miss her so bad. The next day, I woke up with a bruised psychology, yet I felt as if I woke up from the sweetest dream of my life; having passed a whole day with that girl, such a memorable day with so much laughter and happiness couldn't have been anything less than a dream. Since my break-up with my ex a year ago, I was waking up every day with a dark cloud above my head, but since L came back my days lighted up. I know it all sounds too romantic but trust me, that's how I feel! When I woke up and realized she was already on the plane home, I cried very hard. The worst thing is, I don't even know if she feels the same. She was acting different around me, and she didn't even mind when I was holding her waist at the concert; when she wanted to lead me around, she held me by the hand. But how can one know if this is romantic interest or simply warm friendly feelings?

I don't know what to do. She is the only thing I have in my mind now, but I can't keep it like this all year long, especially since it might not be mutual. Do you think I should forget her forever, or live my life and if it is meant to happen, let it happen? Since that day, I've lost all interest in other girls. I feel that falling in love with her again is definately a sign of fate, but at the same time I'm so scared that it isn't mutual. I'm utterly lost; how can I force myself to forget her when I know she totally completes me? We have both much in common, yet we still complete each other. She is actually the "L" missing from my life. She already made me a better person once as a friend; I can't imagine how many wonders would a relationship with her work! Plus, I was two years in a relationship with that other girl. I became a wreck after we broke up since I loved her, to the point that I had to visit a psychologist for mild depression. Even that, simply helped me help myself. I was still moody every day, but after L came back, all of this became trivial in my mind, and I now feel alive again.

Thanks for your patience!