should i walk away? or is there a way for us?

[freebird06]

hi everyone, i joined here today hoping to get some advice.
i have been with my partner for almost 4 years. we had a long distance relationship for a year then i moved in with him, i moved from england to northern ireland and we have been happy ever since. I have always admired him because he is one of those people who work hard for what they have, now its backfired on me and i dont know what to do.
I am having really bad family problems and have been for about a year now, basically to cut a long story short, something has happened in my personal family life, and it means i have to move back to england (i dont really want to go into my family probs right now). there is no way i can get out of going back.
my partner and i have been talking a lot about it over the last few months, and we cant seem to agree on anything. over the last 6 months he has been made manager at work ( something he has worked for for a long time). he has been told if he gets a transfer at work he will go back to the bottom of the ladder if you understand? he would have to work his way back up again. when he was 17, he had 2 jobs because he set his heart on buying a house, by the time he was 20 he moved in, he did everything to it, to be honest i would find it hard to give this house up. thats the problem, he doesnt want to lose this house, and his job. i know it sounds selfish, but in a way, if it was me i would have to think long and hard too.
we have talked about everything, renting the house out, selling it and buying one together in england etc but nothing seems to be going right for us anymore. dont get me wrong there is nothing wrong with the relationship as such, the affection is there, the intamacy, he still holds my hand, treats me the same in front of his mates, its just this one thing hanging over us and we are both down.
its got to the point where i told him i dont believe that he loves me because if he did he would give the house up and come and start a life with me, he came home the next day with a tattoo on his arm with my name. I know he loves me, i just find it so hard to understand that he is going to lose me, theres only one of me but there are plenty houses. i feel selfish, he feels selfish, we are both confused. all i know for certain is i have to leave in 7 weeks, and theres no going back.
i dont want to lose him, and i am so down right now, can anyone please offer any advice ( good or bad), or can anyone offer advice on the best way for us to make it? thankyou in advance, freebird..
p.s..im 27, he is 29.

[blue toxin]

How long would you be moving back for? If it's not a long time, maybe you two can set up some kind of schedule where you fly over to his place to spend the weekend every so often, then return back to help with your family.

If it's going to be a long ass time, then I'd encourage him to at least look at some houses in your price range back in your home town. Maybe if he sees something he likes he'll be more persuaded?

[JAspice]

Four years is a long time. It would be ridiculous to throw away a perfectly good relationship over a house. Also your hubby just got a promo, which is wonderful. It will be difficult for him to start all over again. Instead of giving both of you 7weeks to have this figured out give him six months. Let him get his feet wet in his new position. Have him continulously send out resemes and receive whatever recomedation that he may be able to get from his present boss. By him doing this, he stands a better chance of starting at a good position if he does decides to follow you. Also during that time you will be able to focus on your familiy problems, and who knows you might be able to move back with him. The bottomline is. Give the relationship time to make smoothe transition and forget about the damn house. It should not be a factor, use the six months to figure out the house situation. Why not buy another house so that you can both call it your own.

[vashti]

Aren't the Irish a kind of second-class in England, or are those days over? Because I think you ARE asking a lot for him to give up his life if that is still the way social conditions would be in England.

Since you are unwilling to give us any detail about the reasons why you have to move back to England, it is really hard to advise you properly, but I think it is wrong to assume that if he loved you enough he would give up his house and job for you. It could just as easily be argued that if you loved him enough, you would put him above the needs of your family.

I think you should give it a couple of months of living apart to see if absence makes the heart grow fonder for the two of you, but honestly, it looks to me like this is the end for the two of you. Sorry, my friend.

[freebird06]

hi thankyou all for your replies, well i kind of did put him first when i gave everything up to move from england to n.i lol i gave up friends/house/job etc. im not saying that because i assume just because i did it he should too, im just making a point.i didnt say about my family problems because i dont think it would make a difference if i did give details, all i can say is, the move is perminant, and there is no way for me to get out of it as it involves my son and his needs etc and he comes first. i guess its the end of our relationship, we have both said we couldnt go back to a long distance relationship, he has asked me to marry him, and in any other cercumstance i would have married him tomorrow, but i didnt think it would be right to get engaged and live seperate lives if u get my point? we would only see each other once per month for 2 days, and after being together this long we couldnt do it . :-( thankyou anyway for all the advice, take care all.

[freebird06]

[QUOTE=freebird06]all i can say is, the move is perminant, and there is no way for me to get out of it as it involves my son and his needs etc and he comes first. [QUOTE]