husband looking at escorts online

[danai]

hi,

i am posting as I really need advice. I'm very down and don't know what to do. I found that my husband was looking at escorts in our area on the internet. I confronted him and he said he heard about the website and was just curious. He searched for girls in our area though.

He also often tells small lies to get himself out of sticky situations and I don't know if I can believe him. For me if he went to an escort it would be unacceptable and I wouldn't want to be in the relationship anymore.

I am young and slim and we have a very good sex life. I don't know whether I should leave him or not - I hate not trusting him. I think about it all the time. I love him and in other respects he is a very good husband. I have no doubt that he loves me and is trying very hard since we spoke about this (cooking, cleaning and being nice generally) which I do appreciate.

However for me this is not the point. If my man is seeing escorts then i don't care what else he does, I do not want to be in a relationship with him.

I have a small son (1 1/2 years old) and am 6 weeks pregnant with our second baby. I love my baby more than anything and want to do the right thing by him too.

Should I believe him? Should I take my family and make a go of it alone so I can stop always wondering?

I would really appreciate any advice.

[Petit Papillon]

I'm sorry girl Especially because You're pregnant now and have to put up with this mess... Having Your children on Your mind, You should be completely sure that You did everything to save this relationship before You say it's over. Like, You have to be sure that he's having an affair. If he's just watching porn or some picture doesn't mean or shouldn't mean anything. Men are generally porn likers, so they do that,sometimes even if they are in a relationship.
Also, try to talk to him about it. There is nothing better than an honest talk with Your partner.Tell him that You both have kids, one is still inside of You and You don't want to be stressed by something like this, because this can affect the baby and its health.
I would seriously recommend to be completely sure that he cheated on You before You do any serious step .

[Lulu]

I went through a similar situation- he was looking at local personal ads- stuck it out with him for 12 years, turns out he was always a pig (in disguise at times...). Now that we have broken up- he is out doing teenage girls (he's 31), acting like a creepy perv and STILL denying it to me. He cheated on me once that I am aware of, but I came across his "list of accomplishments" once and there were about 40 girls on it- we got together when he was 19- I KNOW there were others, just can't prove it. Now he has a facebook and I keep seeing all these girls writing to him "it's been a while, I miss you XOXOX" but he always played the role of doting, loving husband, father, he was just a closet pervert- be careful with this guy. I just don't trust the sound of it. That is MY opinion, though. I don't know either of you, and since you technically have two kids, you should take care of yourself and them, even if what is best for all of you right now is to turn a blind eye. Just sounds pretty messed up to me.

[vashti]

I don't think you should make any decisions about your marital status until either you are SURE he is misbehaving, or when your hormones are calmed down... maybe at least 6 months after giving birth.

You are married to this guy - tell us: does he have a lot of unexplained time out of the house, and cash disappearing without explanation? I mean really, looking at escorts and hiring them are two different things, although I can certainly see why you'd be upset.

[Bumble_bee]

I agree ^^ This must feel like crap, but you need to act on evidence and not on emotion.

In this kind of situation, I am not above snooping...(I would feel justified) I would however, try and get as much detail from him as possible first, and if what he has to say doesn't add up, or reassure you, then I would search for some other signs as Vashti mentioned.

hope things work out and that this really is a case of curiosity

best wishes.

[Coco]

BUMBLENESS!!!!! <3333333333 Welcome back!!!

[Lulu]

No offense everybody, but she is pregnant- putting her baby at risk of disease as well as herself. If she was to dump this guy, it is because he may have been hiring or attempting to hire hookers, not due to pregnancy hormones....I hate when people blame womens' hormones instead of facing reality and supporting a woman that trusts her instincts, that gut feeling that we all so often overlook! I don't think she should put herself under to much distress due to the pregnancy- but staying with him may be worse than being apart.

[vashti]

Oh, please. I've been pregnant twice, and I know what those hormones do to you.

Looking at pics on the internet do NOT give you diseases, but if she genuinely believes her husband is putting his penis into some other woman, then I assume she won't be having sex with him. And, she can always have him use a condom.

[VincenzoG91]

It seems very unlikely that he would be looking at escort ads if he wasn't at least considering the possibility of using one (or more). Those ads are fairly tame compared to almost any porn that you can find online, so the only real reason to look at them is to do some window-shopping. Which tends to lead to real shopping.

Even a condom isn't perfect protection against STDs. Aside from the obvious possibility of a condom breaking, the skin exposed just past the base of the condom is vulnerable, to HPV for example. HPV is very common these days, and contagious even when there are no apparent symptoms. And HPV can lead to cancer. That's one reason that I don't use escorts anymore. The other is that I'm in a serious relationship and I don't cheat. Oh, and also, sex with an escort is generally very restricted (no kissing, strict time limit, etc.) and much less enjoyable than sex in the context of a relationship, so it's not even worth it.

And yet... I have looked at escort ads once in a while in recent years. Nostalgia, I guess. I have no illusions left about the drawbacks, and so no interest in acting on those ads. It's possible that your husband is thinking along similar lines, but you should stay vigilant. Don't divorce him without any evidence, but keep an eye out for any signs that he is cheating on you.