Worse than quitting smoking

[Horseyguy]

Someone go invent some quit "ex" patches please this is doing my head in

Farken blows having an addictive personality. I can't get the ex out of my head and it's just bugging the crap out of me because it's not like I even want to get back with her anymore and I'm more than ok that it is over but I really miss the routine. The day to day contact (texts / calls etc) and the catching up and seeing each other. Seriously it's like giving up smoking.

I know if I don't give her up I'll end up with a heart attack

I know if I give her up I'll save heaps of money and if I put it in a jar the money I would have spent I could save for a holiday or something else nice for me

I know if I give her up I'll get my energy back and be able to breath better

I know if I give her up my clothes will smell better because they won't smell of her all the time

I know if I give her up I wont wake up in the morning needing my fix again and I will be able to go to sleep without just one more thought of her before I go to bed

I tried lobbing her in the bin along with everything that makes me think of her but just ended up pulling her out of the bin again for just one more before I "really" quit this time

I've been to the gym, gone for walks and yes I did start to eat better but I still need that farken fix

I think there should be a rehab centre for people needing to get over their ex's

It really is doing my head in and I know it's because of my addictive personality, I've always had it , can't do much about it and I know I just have to wait it out until I get hooked on something else. Hopefully it will be my Uni. work and I'll ace my Masters because when I get hooked on something I tend to never put it down. But a chick!!! FFS what did I go and get myself addicted to her for. Never been addicted to a person before and man it's so annoying

[Wakeup]

Well, you know when you quit smoking you have to go cold turkey. No more hits of nicotine, no more "I'll just have one and then quit again tomorrow." The hardest thing for me when I quit smoking was the routine was no longer there and I missed it. The morning coffee and the first smoke of the day I missed the most. So: I switched up th routine. Instead of Coffee in the morning I switched to having a tea. Just that little switch of my routine helped me get over arguing with myself whether or not I should "just have one more and then quit again tomorrow."

Try a new routine. What is one thing you always wanted to do but didn't have the time to do? Now is a good time to finally get on it. Replace one habit (her) with another habit (something you've always wanted to do but haven't).

Just a thought.

[Horseyguy]

Yeah I know how to get through it been there so many times before (not over a woman) but getting over something that I'm addicted to but when you gave up smoking and went cold turkey you still would have kept thinking about it, probably constantly until at some point you were clean and over it

And even with your switch to tea I bet you still at least for a while secretly missed your coffee.

I've acknowledged that she isn't actually good for me, actually she is really bad for my mental health because of the way she is and I know my life would actually be better without her in it but I still have those cravings. As I said a bit like smoking, you know it's just not good for you so you end up giving up but it's not easy to let go of it. Sure you can do it but I just wish I could just wake up tomorrow and she would be gone from my head. No withdrawls, no cravings and what I really dread is in a few Months time or even in a couple of years or whatever I'll be down the pub minding my own business having a quiet drink and I'll get that shitty craving again LOL

[blmg911]

I know if I give her up my clothes will smell better because they won't smell of her all the time

if she didn't smell that nice mate thats a reason just there.

On a positive note you know what you need to do and why as you just stated its all about finding the will power.

[pisces25]

I think there should be a rehab centre for people needing to get over their ex's

It's called the pub

In all seriousness HG I am feeling pretty similar now. My ex used to txt me every morning wishing me a good day and then we'd text throughout the day and then he'd sometimes call me at night whilst he was waiting for the train home. I miss the daily contact and the attention, that warm fuzzy feeling your SO gives you. I can also still just close my eyes and picture the way he looked at me or the way he tucked my hair behind my ear.

We have been completel NC for 8 days now and it is extremely painful. I know he doesn't want to hear from me as he is grieving and he is sending me a pretty strong signal by defriending friends on FB and dropping my stuff off at friend's places just to avoid me. After daily contact and sharing such personal things with someone everyday for 11 months the lack of contact is a killer. However I truly believe it is helping us both move on. I know one day he will contact me and say 'hey let's have a beer and catch-up' but I am not expecting that to be until a long time. Until then all I can do is wish him well and hope the pain subsides for us both at some point.

I don't know if you are addicted to the person as such. You might just be addicted to the good times you had and the daily contact too. It's an unhealthy attachment to her. And I also believe our ex will always be our 'default' person, the one we think about simply coz there isn't anyone else to think about. This will change when someone else comes along. Speaking of which, weren't you seeing someone??

There is also the possibility you are just in the 'wanting what you can't have' frame of mind, as I am. I desperately want to hear from my ex and am sitting here wondering 'why isn't he contacting me or fighting for me?' but I know even if he was doing those things reconciliation isn't what I want. I just miss the attention.

Keep going mate, hour by hour, day by day. Complete cold turkey. Cut her off. Each time you hear from her or see her it is a setback. Even though you broke it off you need to grieve too. It isn't any easier just because you were the instigator. Go easy on yourself.

[Horseyguy]

Yeah it isn't easy being the instigator because it wasn't what I wanted. Last thing I wanted to do was end it because I was so in love with her but really I had no choice. Well actually I did, I could have just stayed with her and let my self-esteem and self-worth just drop a few more notches but I had to end it out of respect for myself more than anything and yeah, that sucks.

People that say it's easy on the dumper have no idea. We suffer just as much if not more in some cases because we have that struggle of knowing you dumped someone that you really loved and know you can't get back with.

[pisces25]

Yeah it isn't easy being the instigator because it wasn't what I wanted. Last thing I wanted to do was end it because I was so in love with her but really I had no choice. Well actually I did, I could have just stayed with her and let my self-esteem and self-worth just drop a few more notches but I had to end it out of respect for myself more than anything and yeah, that sucks.

People that say it's easy on the dumper have no idea. We suffer just as much if not more in some cases because we have that struggle of knowing you dumped someone that you really loved and know you can't get back with.

Absolutely. My final words to my ex were 'I love you but I feel I don't have any other choice in breaking this off' so like you we broke up whilst still in love it was just other circumstances that meant we couldn't be together. I too had to end it as my confidence and self-esteem were taking a battering and I just had to get out. I feel better for that reason but it was the hardest thing I ever had to do, it was a real risk. I feel proud I had the courage to walk away and you should too. It will get easier. You know it will. This is just a part of what we have to go through on life's journey.

[Horseyguy]

Absolutely. My final words to my ex were 'I love you but I feel I don't have any other choice in breaking this off' so like you we broke up whilst still in love it was just other circumstances that meant we couldn't be together. I too had to end it as my confidence and self-esteem were taking a battering and I just had to get out. I feel better for that reason but it was the hardest thing I ever had to do, it was a real risk. I feel proud I had the courage to walk away and you should too. It will get easier. You know it will. This is just a part of what we have to go through on life's journey.

yeah I hear ya and yes, I know it does get easier and I know I'll be past all this soon enough just sucks that's all

And yes I do feel proud that I had the courage to end it but I still miss her and guess I will for a while. I think I'll always wonder about us though, whether we could have made it but I think that's only natural to think that way about someone you loved