Break up after 3 years but we were happy...help!

[lovefrdance]

So my boyfriend of 3 years just recently broke up with me and I’m devastated. Here’s the story and I’ll try to be as brief as possible. He said that he felt like we were moving in different directions and that we didn't have as many things in common any more. He just turned 21 (I’m 20) and I can't help but think this has something to do with it. He says that its not the 21 thing, and also that there is no one else (I know firmly there is not someone else so I’m not worried about it). A week went by and he called me to come pick up he stuff. I was upset but agreed and I realized that when he got there he wanted to talk. He asked me if I was ok and I said no. I could tell he was sad and I asked him if he was too and he said no and that he wasn't happy. He said that the past week had been really hard for him and that he missed me. He said he was fine when he went out with his friends and had a good time but that when he was at home he couldn't stop thinking about us. I thought at this point that he wanted to get back together but I was wrong. He asked if we could be friends and I said no. He asked why and I said because I’m in love with you and obviously he wasn't. He said he is still in love with me and will always love me, but that we are not right for each other anymore. He seems to think that if we have separate lives, and don't always like to do the same things, then we are not compatible. Yet we could stay in my house all day, do nothing, and have the time of our lives. I tried to tell him that we are compatible on a deeper level. He doesn’t get it! He doesn’t realize that it is ok to do different things and have separate lives because that is a good thing. As far as us not liking the same things is not true. There are so many things we love to do together. He just thinks that if one day I want to go shopping and he wants to go swimming, we are not compatible. So we argeed we are not over eachother and that we will wait a month without eachother(free to do what we want) and see where we are after that.

So this is what I get from the whole thing. He loves me. He cares about me. He told me he CAN think of reasons why we should be together, but that he doesn’t want to be with me because we don't have the same things in common (which we do). Ridiculous no?

Keep in mind that our 3-year relationship as always been really good, this has never been an issue before and we have never broke up before. We have always been so happy, I just don't understand! I think he is confused.

Thoughts?

[Volk]

Wow.
I made the same mistake as him pretty much.

It had like 3 months of arguing then she found someone else. Gah, I wish it were him posting so I could tell him;
Would you rather be without her?

'He just thinks that if one day I want to go shopping and he wants to go swimming, we are not compatible.'

Ok... This may be a bit harsh, but try breaking contact with him for a week or so, that'll show him that he can't be without you. Just please don't get another guy, it would crush him.
Do try breaking up with him for a week, he will say he doesn't care that you have some slight differences.

I'd at least guess that, I recognise the illogical state he was in, and it slowly kills beautiful relationships. Good luck, don't let him go. Just give him a wake up call.

[finnman]

You can not and should not coerce someone into wanting to be with you. All you can do is let them know how much they mean to you. We often want the happiness of our significant other until it means our own unhappiness. Therein lies the dilemma of many relationships and the chaos called love.