Hello...new to this forum, not to this kind of discussion...I hope you ladies can help me with some answers.

I'm a straight man in a rather odd relationship with a woman I've known for 3 years, but for 2 of those we've been apart and she just recently came back into my life though we had kept in touch by phone. "Tammy" (fake name) and I are "roomates" for lack of a better term...with occasional benefits. I'm a strictly heterosexual guy and she's bi-sexual which I have no problem with...in any case she seems to be moving more and more towards men in her life rather than women. Even though we're roomies...it's more than that. We have a lsexual relationship which at this point in time is still rather limited...it's is based on me going down on her every so often, and always at her invitation. I should point out we've spent only 5 months actually living together...3 in 2007 and 2 now. It's not like this has had a lot of time to progress.

That's it basically...she's identified straight sexual intercourse with penetration with a man as something that she does not associate with intimacy but with intimidation. Despite this, she had slept with guys in that way...but it never lasts more than a few months before she dumps them or runs them off because they can't handle her strength of will. This is partly an sexual abuse issue here, one she's told me about. On one hand it does get a bit frustrating...on the other hand I love doing THAT almost more than getting intercourse so I'm not complaining...lol. On top of this...I think I'm the first guy in her life to be treating her like a lady and not a piece of meat...respect from men has been lacking...I think from an absentee dad is where this all started.

This lady is literally everything I love in a woman...she's physically very petite but possess a very strong will, intelligent mind, confident assertive personality...she's funny and beautiful and sexy as hell...she's like a dream girl and I know I've got some feelings for her...which is where the problem lies. I'm well aware that me having those feelings may scare her away...so I'm careful at this point not to get to deep on that end.

Here's what I need advice on; I'm taking this very slowly not only becaue I have no previous experience with bi-sexual women but I'm also trying to show her basically two things right now; 1) that she's completely safe with me, and 2) that she can totally trust me. Those are my goals...she is largely in control of the pace of this thing...and the pace is slow. Much as I want to sleep with her...I honestly would rather have her trust instead because that seems to be the key issue in creating more of a relationship for us. So basically I've put sex on the back burner and decided that what I really want from this is to learn how to allow her to assume the control she needs while feeling safe in doing so with a guy she trusts. To me trust is the everything and I think she feels that way too.

Here's my question...am I on the right track? Am I dong this right in order to build trust with her? I know she appreciates the way I treat her like a lady, apply no pressure and giving her an opportunity to move this at her own pace, but sometimes I struggle with showing her attention and physical affection without coming off as the typical man she's been around...basically a sexual caveman. One day she tells me she likes the aggressive approach, the next day I'm hearing what A-holes those guys are and how she appreciates my approach....it's confusing for sure....I'm flying blind here.

Due to her trust and intimacy issues I find that I hesitate to touch her sometimes and I'm not always sure if her signals are what I think they are. I try to err on the side of caution...I'm not sure if that's good or not. Our physical relationship apart from me giving her cunnilingus several times a month is being limited mostly to me showing affection...but trying to do so in a way that tells her sex doesn't have to follow that...a light pat on her booty...a brief embrace...a touch on her shoulder...that kind of thing. There are other times when I feel the barriers are down...and I can get a bit more straightforward...but I never really feel like I know which approach is the right one at the time. She tells me that unlike the other guys she's around..."you know how to be with me"...but so far it's not moved her to make that leap into a formal relationship. That might be a good thing in that it's lettiing us get closer slowly without any unrealistic expectations or demands.

Please help me figure out how to show her consistently that I'm interested in her for more than the sexual and yet keep from being permenantly labeled as a "friend" only. I DO want her to know I want her. The thing that makes it tough is that we're around each other so much. We share living spaces...I see her nude in the bathroom all the time and at the same time we've slept in the same bed numerous times when nothing sexual occurs...all frustrating for me but nothing I can't deal with. I think I'm making some slow progress...just need to get some feedback from women...especially if you've been hurt and you're gun shy in love or if you're a bi-sexual woman with advice on how to let her share that side of me without pressure or compulsion. I don't want to blow it with her...I'm just conncerned that I'll do what I usually do and try to move to fast. My instinct is to move ahead strongly...I have a feeling my instinct is probably not very useful here.

Thoughts?