Female Friends and Boyfriends

[vertical_sky]

Let's say your boyfriend has female friends... can be anywhere from a single female friend to lots of them.

How do you know if your boyfriend is interested in his female friends, or conversely that his female friends are interested in him? Where do you draw the line between "hey this is threatening behavior" and "I am being paranoid?"

In a past relationship, my boyfriend was very, very good friends with several girls. At first I didn't have any issue with it. But as the relationship continued, I became more uncomfortable with some of these close friendships. One in particular felt very threatening... She would call and text all the time, if she was in town and staying at his house I wasn't allowed to visit (I lived about an hour away and he said he couldn't handle "two guests"), he talked constantly about how smart she was and what a MASSIVE crush he had on her in high school; friends of hers even assumed they were dating.

Now as I'm getting back into the dating world, I feel as if I'm prone to oversensitivity about what is platonic friend behavior and what is romantic friend behavior. I know I should be trusting, but I also don't want to be naive.

[xxazurexx]

You know what, it's best to trust and until you are given a good enough reason and not to trust anymore. As soon as those red flags start waving, leave....

Better still you can avoid this situation. Don't get involved with guys who have loads of women friends and if it brings out negative thoughts.. Not every guy feels a need to be surrounded by the opposite sex and you would always be a 'priority' with that kind of guy. Be choosy when getting involved....

Id never be with a guy who discluded me and so that his best female friend could hang out all night at his house. That would be in no way acceptable to me and if we were in an exclusive relationship.

Again, I've never had this problem with any of my partners, for none of them had close female friends. Not because I disallowed it, but because they just didn't. And I've never had close men friends either...

[carl1222]

There is nothing wrong with having friends, even close friends, of the opposite sex. But there are limits to appropriate behavior when you are in a committed relationship, even if nothing wrong is going on. I think that your boyfriend having a female friend over for a sleepover whenever she is in town goes beyond those limits. even for no other reason other that it's insensitive to your feelings. I don't understand him when he says he can't handle two guests at the same time. Wouldn't you and he be sharing a bed anyway?

This is a pretty big red flag. I don't think you are being paranoid.

Carl.

[SelflessnHumble]

The fact is: the choosing of one, doesn't mean the other...Meaning having female friends doesn't mean he is prone to cheating or hiding things...
The only person who can answer your question is you...Trust your gut, go with your instinct. If something is making you *feel* uncomfortable: find out why that is!

See, not every guy is the same: but it is a red flag (for guys and girls alike) to have predominantly more friends of the opposite sex, than the same sex.

You need to be smart when you meet a guy! Don't fall for someone who will exclude you while his mere "friend" is in town.
It could be that they are *just* friends BUT: if you feel bad about it: address your concerns...if they aren't validated: Find a man who will.