not ready for a relationship??

[kredman9959]

i am 19 and been with my boyfriend of 22yrs old for just under 3wks but he sent me a message through facebook saying he thinks we should stop seeing each other-this is what the message was:

hey! I'm stuck at work and you're out at the film so I can't call you, but I really, really didn't want this hanging in the air either.

I'm just not really sure we should see each other anymore.... I really do like you a hell of a lot, but you've come on really, really strong. It's just that after everything with my ex and how serious that all was, I'm just not ready for someone so 'full on' - I got a bit nervous when you set us as in a relationship after the second date, but it didn't really bother me that much - it's this with the camping trip that's really made me uncomfortable.

Believe me I am *gutted* that I can't go, but these things happen and you just make the best of a bad situation, after two and half weeks of seeing eachother you really, really wanted me to quit my job to go away for one weekend- which on one hand is really sweet that you care enough about it, but on the other hand the whole persistence has really pushed me away and after such a short time seeing each other is has been a really 'in your face' thing to hit me with.

It's not that I value money over happiness or put you second, but I have responsibilities and a life that I can't jeopardise for one amazing weekend that could be done another time. I kept trying to explain that but you didn't let it drop.

Sorry isn't the right word, but I am disappointed nothing will come of us. You are genuinely an amazing person and I'm sure you'll meet someone who is ready to jump into something mega serious.

Call me if you want to, I wanted to call you but like I said - I didn't want something so horrid to be hanging about in the air.

Adam xxxx

he was with his ex for 5yrs but this relationship ended months ago. she treated him really badly in the last yr he was with her so he has lost confidence in himself and doesn't trust people in the same way he once did. we were getting on really well with one another and both admitted we had never felt like this about someone before.......it was all going so well. but then this week his temporary job at a call centre had a meeting with everyone saying that they were cancelling everyones annual leave for may and june-we had booked away a weekend camping together so this messed our plans up big time. we dont live very close to each other so we were contacting each other through text instead about the situation.i went to the trouble of finding out employee rights telephone numbers because it didnt seem legal what the business was doing. he thanked me for going to the trouble of getting the numbers etc, called them but then we found out it was all legal anyway!he hates his call centre job so i suggested he could quit+find another job but the whole thing was thrown out of proportion because it was over text :-S it didnt help that i was having the worst day when i recieved the news about camping-one of my exs friends started talking to me online and completely messed with my emotions so i was angry and upset, which resulted in not letting the camping situation drop for agers and i overreacted to it all

when i recieved the facebook message i went round to his flat to talk about everything face to face. he explained that the camping situation blew up and he is not ready for a relationship to be that intense after his ex. i explained what had happened with my exs friend, appologised and told him it is not like me-my bad day made me act out of character. i suggested we give it another go but take things slower because we had taken things very fast and that seems to have made him panick. its as though he is scared to get close to someone again incase he gets hurt. he told me he is going to think everything through over the next few days then get back to me but is this just a nice way of him saying he won't get back with me??

we were fine before the whole camping situation and its been blown out of proportion over text!!!!!!
when i spoke to him last night he said he doesnt want to end it but he feels its the fairest thing to do for me as its not fair for me to be with someone whos head is all over the place

i really like this guy because there is a real connection between us that none of us have felt for another person before. i dont want to lose him but is there any chance of him taking me back?and do i go back to his place to talk about it again or not?i get on with his mum really well and had a good chat with her, she knows that he really likes me but he felt the whole camping situation was over the top (i made a mistake with that and ive explained it to him) she said he just wants to take things slow in a relationship and have a laugh......which is what i want, i am so laid back about relationships but he caught me at a really back time and i reacted in an unusual way that i have never done before-i made 1 mistake that has wrecked everythin

i feel i cant lose him because we have so many interests and opinions which are the same......there is also that special something which is there that i cant quite explain.i cant let him go without a fight because i feel i will regret it for the rest of my life if i do!

PLEASE HELP!!!!

[sunnybunny8212]

yeah this is why when it comes to relationships
people should talk not text.

simply if he's not ready he's not ready.

i mean see what you can do of course, but then again
dont come on too head strong trying to get him back
or he'll flip out even more...

im sorry love :[
be strong, but be smart too <3

[kredman9959]

thanks, i will see what i can do over the weekend..........i have given him the space he wants to think things through(not sent him texts or calls etc)
i wont come on too strong because i will look desperate-i made the mistake of this in my past relationship!
when he has admitted to me that he really likes me and feels we have connected in a way he hasnt with anyone else-i just dont want to let him slip away when he clearly has feelings!!! he said he felt happy with me too, its as though his past relationship is scaring him from being with someone again!
awkward situation-feel like i cant win either way!

[Kaius]

I hope you havent slept with him yet. Women should not give it up so easily or their guy will not respect them.
Find a guy whom you like, get to know him, seriously date him and start a relationship, THEN have sex.
When you move too quickly, you end up with confusion and all that young-people mess.

[xxazurexx]

i really like this guy because there is a real connection between us that none of us have felt for another person before....

Sorry...but while you are 'feeling' this connection, he obviously is not.

You two are on different pages and what you seem to want and want now, he doesn't and not with you.

Because you pushed and because you turned 3 weeks into an exclusive relationship and without him even having any say on the matter, you just ASSUMED he wanted it, or ASSUMED he was feeling same way, is why he's gone.
You were acting like his wife and all within 3 weeks of dating........hence he ran for the hills.
And you will be lucky if he returns.

[lahnnabell]

You declared a relationship with him without discussing it with him first? I'm not surprised he's turned off. People have to mutually decide that they want to be exclusive. Regardless of the intense connection you both felt at first, his end may have had more to do with rebounding than anything. Anyone getting out of such a long-term relationship will rebound. Kinda like clockwork.

No amount of convincing or negotiating will turn this situation around. In fact, it will only make it worse. He asked you not to push him, so don't. Let him decide, but whatever his decision comes out to be, respect it. If he says that he needs space and would rather be on his own, then leave it. No drama, no whining. Just leave him alone.