What should I expect in the future after hurtful, but amicable break-up?

[catfish1199]

Some of you may remember my posts when I was going through a break-up, but I will provide a brief history. Ill ask the questions first, and if you want the history and some things that have happened since the breakup, read below them. I dont expect you to answer all the questions, just pick one or more. Thanks in advance to all of you ladies.

FIrst, Yes, I have analyzed and I do want her back, but I want it to come back organically so that it is based on something that can last.

1.) Can feelings of love come back? What tends to foster their return better?, zero contact, or trying to be "friends", even though im sure being real friends isnt possible.

2.) SHould I completely ignore our anniversary and Christmas? I mean not even a text of "" on our anniversary and not even any texts to her or her family on Christmas?

3.) I hang out with some of our mutual friends sometimes. They are good friends, but they are fairly new friends to both of us. Including the BF of her best friend. Is keeping them in my corner create positive momentum, or will she not even pick up on that or even care what others think?

4.) When a guy comes in and sweeps away a girl, how long does it usually take for that excitement to wear off?

5.) Should I expect her feelings to wear on her in the future, and start seeing attempts from her to contact me?

6.) When a girls feelings "change" abruptly, is it a case of waking up one day and realizing that she has been tricking herself? Or is the love still there, but she is realizing that she doesnt want to take the chance of being with me, and having a stagnant life. (we were both not moving forward very much)

7.) When she sees that I am really on my feet and excelling in school and life in general, will that begin to foster those feelings again, or once it is gone its gone?


Back up info..........................

We were together for 7 years. Engaged for almost one. I have had many girls in my life before her, but when she showed up, I knew she was the one, and she felt the same way.

A couple of months before our break-up, I messed up when drinking and kissed some girl, which she never knew about.

A month before our break-up, she broke down and told me that she kissed some dude from work, she said she didnt know who she was. I told her that I cant say I havent done the same, and thought we could put it behind us. As it turns out, she developed feelings for him, and broke up with me a month later.

The reasons she told me were that she didnt feel right anymore, we were holding eachother back (we were both not moving forward in life, and tired of being broke). And that the fact that she was able to develop feelings for someone else told her that something wasnt right.

Since then, she has been with him. And is taking him on a snowboarding trip that until our breakup, I was going on. I still see some of our mutual friends, and they say that they havent really hung out with him, but he seems like kind of a tool.

I have been just focusing on myself and my life. I am going back to school to get the degree that I should have gotten in the first place instead of the one I settled with just to graduate. I am seeing other girls too, but I just feel sorry for them, because I know that I am damaged goods.

I have had contact with her. I worked for her on a catering, we met up to exchange things, like a cutain rod and a painting that I did for her. We talked for an hour and laughed and smiled alot. And I sent her flowers semi-anonymously for her birthday. She texted me thanks you, they are beautiful!, but I didnt text back.

[lastwish]

wow...you have so many questions here. But okay, let me answer them one by one.

1) Feelings can return. People usually use the "no contact" rule to prevent themselves from getting hurt even deeper; its a defense mechanism. It might work to foster interest but the interest would not last. Plus, for girls who know what they want and feels fully secure would not fall for that. I think to foster lasting interest, you have to stick around. But at the same time, not be a doormat. During the "friendship" period, you have to convey to her that you are interested in her romantically but not that interested (meaning: do not act desperate).

2)If you decide to be her friend then you shouldn't ignore major holidays like Christmas or her birthday. But definately ignore the anniversary because technically you're not together as lovers right now.

3) Well, if her friends are nice people and they are your friends too then hang out with them. You're hanging out with them because you want to be friends with them and not so you can use them to get to her, right? If you are thinking of only befriending them to get to her then...I wouldn't recommend that because this business is between you two; its none of their business.

4) When a guy comes along and sweep away a girl...the interest level will depend on how well they maintain it. There is no precise time limit.

5)Should you expect her to contact you in the future? It depends on how well you play your cards. You can't expect her to contact you if you don't make any attempts to contact her.

6) When a girl's feelings change, it doesn't mean she wakes up one day and realize she doesn't like you anymore. Something had made her realize it is not in her interest to stick around or that the relationship she is in is not good for her. She wants change.

7) Being more successful would definately help your chances of attracting women (your ex is no exception). But she might not have left you because she thinks you're unsuccessful (although sometimes this is the case); there could be other reasons. Perhaps, she left you because you're not the type of lover she wants. You would have to convey to her YOU DO have what she wants in a guy.

Btw, you should've emailed her back and tell her "you're welcome. I'm pleased you like the flowers". Ignoring her thank-you text is rude.