Female opinions needed on our break up and future.

[catfish1199]

I have been posting quite a bit while this situation has been evolving, so alot of you may know the backgorund. I just wanted to start a new post because I have a new understanding and new questions.

She cheated on me. I drove her to it, and I know that I did. She was able to do something that I never thought was possible for her because I had made her feeling for me change.

I was not where I wanted to be in life. That made me depressed, but I didnt know it. I thought I was perfectly happy. Because I couldnt see it, it caused me to be different. I was un-ambitious, dull, and I didnt show her the appreciation for her that she deserves. She is a fantastic girl and everyone loves her, but I was unable to be the loving boyfriend that I always had been in the past. Her feelings for me began to change and she didnt realize it either because she kept it tucked away. It finally blew up when she cheated and broke down in my arms telling me she was sorry, she didnt know who she was, and that she needed help.

Well we are now broken up, we understand that her feelings changed and I understand why they did. I know that because I had become stale towards her and unappreciative, she was able to develop a crush on the guy she ultimately kissed behind my back. She is now involved with him. I am full speed ahead changing my direction in life with respect to school, work, and soul searching.

My question has to do with the possibility of another version of us in the future.

During our discussion, we were in agreement about what went wrong with us. I told her that during my soul searching, I found all of those feelings for her were being dragged down by my hidden depression and I was unable to show her on a daily basis. I told her that those feelings are still there. I told her that the foundation of our relationship and all the things that made us great together were still there. I told her that I thought there was somthing there in the future for us when we are better people.

Can those feeling of helpless attraction and love turn around and re-ignite when the things that caused them to fade, are corrected?

Since some of it had to do with her feeling unappreciated, how can those feelings be recaptured with us not seeing each other?

What should I do for her birthday which is Dec. 14th? (we broke on Oct. 30.) We will probably not have talked for a month by then except for dealing with moving and bills issues. I was thinking her favorite flowers with no note or no name. I didnt get her flowers as much as I should have.

[catfish1199]

Really? No opinions?

[doppelgaenger]

Really. No opinions.

[IndiReloaded]

Its unlikely you will get back together, sorry. You failed to meet her emotional needs & sounds like she reached the point where she decided to get them met elsewhere.

BTW, I don't believe you 'drove' her to cheat. She could have broken up w/you first. Ppl manage to go through nasty divorces w/o cheating. Its a question of tolerance & integrity.

Work on your issues & what you've learned so you don't make the same mistakes next time. That's all you can do at this point.