Need relationship advice...

[Jay0929]

Hey Guys, new to the forums, just lost with everything and didn't know where to look for answers.

Here's my problem. I've been dating my girlfreind over just over two years. Everything was good (or at least I thought it was) until about 6 months ago. When she decided she wasn't happy, she wanted to experience the "party scene", and ended it. Just over three months later, she came back and wanted to get back together. Saying things like it wasn't worth it, all that didnt make her happy etc etc. So after long talks, she fessed up to sleeping with two separate guys numerous times each. But that she only did that because she "wasn't thinking" and that she "missed what we had", etc etc. Again after being VERY hesitant, and after NUMEROUS conversations, we came to an agreement that we were going to forget anything and everything that came from those few months. Another few months went by, and the day before yesterday, she tells me again she isnt happy with the way things are going and that is not looking good again. So again, without notice, she ends it.

But this time for a different reason.

This time is was because "I felt uncomfortable with who she hangs out with". Mind you, the only way I took her back the first time is that we both were going to act like that breakup never exsisted, as well as the people (minus our close friends) in it. She promised. Now, she comes at me saying that she wants to talk/hang out with people from those few months INCLUDING the two guys she slept with. So I began to get upset that she went back on what we promised, and feel very uncomfortable...what was her response?...to end it.

Here is where the issues arise. I love the girl more than life itself, and she means the world to me, but she is going back on what she originally agreed to, and saying it will work ONLY if I am willing to accept her friends (including those two guys she slept with), and that we shouldn't compromise friends.

Again, I do want this work but she doesn't want to unless this happens. Now I dont know what to do. Sacrifice feeling uncomfortable or trust that nothing will happen.

Thanks in advance

[jenniferx]

By two guys do you mean while you guys were dating. If so, DUMP HER. You obviously have stronger feelings for her than she has for you, why become an emotional wreck. You are just going to get more unhappy. SHe could make the effort if she truely loved you.

[Jay0929]

No, the two guys were during our break up. But the fact that she wants to talk to/hang out with them really gets to me. I told her this, and she doesn't think it is wrong that she does this. Am I in the wrong here?

[kms]

Why exactly are these guys so important to her that she would end a committed, loving relationship over?? Sounds like these guys are even more important than you. She's not willing to break off her relationship with them, but she IS willing to break off her relationship with you.

[Jay0929]

That is pretty much what it comes down too. And her "reason" is simply that we shouldn't have to 'compromise' friends. She doesn't want to end "us" but if I'm not willing to accept that fact that she wants to be friends with those people, then that's it, and I lose her. Now I don't want to lose her, I just don't know what to do anymore. Do I suck it up and hope nothing will happen again, or not. This is turning into a really confusing situation. But again, I dont know what to think.

[kms]

Yeah, but these aren't just 'friends.' These are guys she had more than a friend relationship with - she has a sexual history with them. So this is not a valid reason. Ask her to give you one GOOD reason why she wants to continue her relationship with them at the risk of your own. If it isn't a good reason, then tell her that isn't good enough, here's why I don't want you to continue to be friends with them, and if you want to continue with them, then you've made it clear that they are more important than this relationship. Then just set her free to go off and have more random sex and living the wild life she apparently values so much.

Just because you don't want to lose her doesn't mean you should bend over backwards and let her trample all over you and do whatever the hell she wants. That is not a respectful, mutually caring relationship. And, it sounds like she has no problem losing you... so I guess there's nothing to be confused about. You don't want to be with someone who doesn't value you, respect you, or mind 'losing' you, right?

[Jay0929]

Your exactly right, tried telling her the same thing and it is like nothing is sinking in. I dont know what it is, she was never like this before.