I'm finally ready to move on... please tell me how....

[soulsurvivor23]

I've posted my situation here many a times and I don't feel like getting into it again..

So a super short summary is that I met and fell in love with a girl, 8 months in she tells me that she had a 3 year long distance bf that she was just on a "break" from and pretty much left me for him... but then begged me to stick around to which I originally said no but found myself going on dates, having sex, meeting her fam, etc etc.... our "relationship" has been tension filled (due to her still actually being with the guy)... and today she called me up from the airport.. and I kept asking her where she was going and she was being really discreet about it. I finally got it out of her that she was going to go visit the guy and spend a week at his house. I've had it.... I should've been out a LONG time ago but i've never been able to do it. Right now I'm gonna take this as my opportunity to really break off from this girl...

I want to use and remember this pain as a way to seperate but I just need some help on what I can do to really break off from her for good without ever going back.

[isay]

It may hurt for a while but imagine how good it will feel once all your feelings for her are gone and you're free from this. You'll look back and say " why did I care for her when there are so many other better girls out there that can give me everything I deserve from a relationship?" Why waste your time with her? Feelings go away over time and the sooner you stop talking to her the sooner you'll get over it. You deserve better- don't forget that!

[soulsurvivor23]

I'm going the cold turkey approach, which so far is working out fine... but that's also because she hasn't contacted me yet.. I know it will get a lot harder once she returns home and starts calling me again.

[soulsurvivor23]

So as an update, she called me today. I considered letting it ring but having been down that road before, I know she will stop at nothing to get me to speak with her again so I did pick up... She started talking to me as if everything was cool between us and seeing that she didn't take my "don't talk to me anymore" request seriously I stopped her and said "if you think things are cool and good between us, they aren't and they won't be." And she's like, "why not? I know I had been busy lately and I had promised i'd call you when I had time, and that happened to be when I had time." So basically I was like, it's not specifically about what happened yesterday, it's everything. I give you so much and you take it, and yet at the end of the day your with another guy and receiving benefits from both of us, and it's not right, and I won't stand for it anymore. So she said, as is customary for when i've told her not to talk to me anymore (it's happened 10+ times), "Ok, if that's what you want just say the words. Tell me that you never want to talk to me again and i'll be out of your life forever." So, I thought about it for a second. Thought about what it would mean, and how hard it would be for me to let her go for the rest of my life. Then I thought about how hard it has been to HAVE her in my life given the circumstances and how I deserved someone who was 100% there for me and me only. So after weighing both I said "If that's what you need to hear, then that's what i'm telling you. I don't want you in my life anymore." And then she started crying and said "ok, if thats what u want I can't force you, so good luck with everything." and I just said "bye" and hung up the phone. I feel horrible right now, but i'm convinced that even though it hurts I did the right thing.

[cmacattack1]

You got some cajones in the sack my man. Well done. To stand up to lonliness, need, hurt, and everybody's feeling of being wanted and comforted and just spit in their face.

Wish a pat on the back would be enough for you through the highs and lows you will feel after this. You did the right thing if this is what you needed.

[lahnnabell]

I'm glad you hit her nerve. She needed that ultra smack upside the head. How in the world could she think that dropping a bomb like that is okay? And then sneakily going to visit that guy? I'm proud of you for doing what you had to. Do not feel bad at all.

[cmacattack1]

Some people learn it the hard way. You did both of you a favor. Believe me.

[lahnnabell]

"Ok, if that's what you want just say the words. Tell me that you never want to talk to me again and i'll be out of your life forever."

Keep in mind that this was a line she was using. She was hoping that if she made such a grandiose offer to martyr herself for your sake that you'd hold back. It's like when a boyfriend and girlfriend get into an argument and one of them spouts the line, "Well, we keep disagreeing on this. We should obviously just break up!" You called her bluff and it blew up in her face. Good. Eyes forward, man

[valhensing]

bravo!! u're good. keep it up

[somedude]

You got some cajones in the sack my man. Well done. To stand up to lonliness, need, hurt, and everybody's feeling of being wanted and comforted and just spit in their face.

Wish a pat on the back would be enough for you through the highs and lows you will feel after this. You did the right thing if this is what you needed.

The above says it all!

Kudos to you for taking the bull by the horns and taking a stop to her controling your feelings.

You'll be fine with time as you've probably heard many times before. Speaking from experience it's true and believe me that if you keep it going with her it will only amplify your feelings of hurt.

Best cure for you is to go out and shag as many girls as possible!!

[melrose]

you are brave and do good for you, keep moving, meet new ones, but dont hate the ex.

[Jas_mine]

Well done for refusing to be a doormat any longer. However, I feel that you cutting her off initially is far easier than maintaining it - you must remember your reasons and her mistreatment of you if she ever comes begging again. Keep this clear in your mind, try not to be weak and falter. It would be best if you just ignored her from this day forward so she doesn't have the opportunity to wangle her way back into your life. Do not give such a selfish and greedy person the time of day so that they can just continue to try and manipulate you further. Think of all the lovely females out there that are ready and willing to give you what you want and truly deserve - a real, actual, proper, exclusive relationship. Good luck dude, stay strong!

[Taurusguy]

I agree with everyone else here, very good job. You will find someone who wont put you through all of that crap. The fact that she called you from the AIRPORT proves how hungry she is for the negative energy. She wanted you to dig and find out what was going down. She will get hers.

[soulsurvivor23]

you are brave and do good for you, keep moving, meet new ones, but dont hate the ex.

See honestly, that's the one problem i'm facing right now. Even though I don't talk to her anymore I think about her constantly... And the thoughts about her are all negative. I think about how she just came into my peaceful happy life and wreaked havoc on it... She came through like a hurricane and just ****ed up everything that I was enjoying about being me. And then when she was done she happily hopped back into her bf's arms as if nothing had happened and left me in ruins.. I don't know how to get past that. It really has affected my overall mood and well-being and I don't know how to change or get rid of that negative energy.

[cmacattack1]

You played a part in that as well. You allowed it to go on for as long as you did because you felt like you were in love. While that's a reason, it's not an excuse. So keep in mind that you had responsiblity as well.

When they say "Don't hate the ex" they just mean it's alot better to understand that she is extremely immature and has alot of growing up and learning to do and will probably need to get dropped on her face to realize alot about herself. This doesn't mean that she isn't a good person and doesn't have good qualities, she most likely didn't know any better and really has no idea how she made you feel. Understanding doesn't mean you have to be weak and take her back, it just gives you perspective and will help you make better choices in the future instead of saying "Oh well, she was a bitch, it was all her fault" and then making the same mistakes possibly in the future.

If it makes it easier on you to hate her, by all means, do it up.