Going for a hand-hold or kiss after not having touched a person at all can be anxiety-provoking for both of you. But casually touching the person mid-conversation gets you both used to being close, which makes things easier later. “I’ll often touch people to emphasize a point, show empathy or even to highlight humor, like an affectionate light slap on the arm,” explains John Emch from Seattle, WA. A similar strategy is to make a relatively big move—but then back off. Peter B. from New York, NY, does this by putting his arm around a date and then removing it. “I’ll just throw my arms around a girl’s shoulder like I would a friend’s at the start of a date,” he says. “It lightens the vibe up immediately because it’s just me being friendly.” It also sends the message early on that he’s interested, which lets his date give her own cues freely and without fear of rejection.