Am I over-reacting?

[diaterra]

I want to try and be as rational about my reaction to this a possible, so please, be brutally honest about this. I am not an easily hurt person.

Throughout my two year relationship with my boyfriend, there have been a few cases of cheating (that I know of-- he never told me about any of them; I found out on my own each time). Specifically, a girl he slept with, a girl he had a internet relationship with and then, most recently, one of my friends who we will call L. Now, after the last incident (which was roughly three months ago), he has told me it isn't going to happen again and that next time, if he likes another girl, he would just end things. He says that now he appreciates me more and that he loves me.

I was feeling more confident in our relationship until today I got a phone call from a friend who informed me my boyfriend had been talking with L again. I had told him that I didn't feel comfortable with him seeing or talking to her and the fact that he had been talking with her without asking how I would feel about this or at least informing me is making red warning signs flash in my mind.

Am I over-reacting? I know he couldn't have just forgotten to mention it; I had said only yesterday to him that I was considering contacting her due to worry (since our friendship ending, she's been progressing acquiring more and more bad habits).

I want to be able to trust him and for this relationship to work, but it's like I can't put my mind to rest after everything.

[shh!]

He's betrayed you three times, once even with one of your (supposed) friends. You would have to be an idiot to trust him again. Don't you want more for yourself?

[diaterra]

Naturally I want someone I can trust. But what keeps me planted is how brilliant he is. Despite this treatment, I can't help but to feel like I would be letting go of something extremely valuable if I were to walk away. I love him so much, but this behaviour is taking such a toll on me, mentally and emotionally. I don't know what to do anymore.

[starbuck]

Of course you can't put your mind to rest. This guy is a serial cheater. I actually don't think you should trust him at all. In fact, I think you should dump him.

Don't give him the chance to do this to you again.

[shh!]

No offense, but your judgement is very impaired. Not only do you choose crappy men for boyfriends, but you also choose crappy women for girlfriends. Brilliance is no substitute for being a decent human being.

I think you should do some work on developing yourself as a person: work on raising your self-esteem and your expectations. That way, you will be able to make better choices.

Oh, and obviously I think you should get rid of the boy AND the girl.

[1averagejoe]

You should have dumped him after the first time. Have you not learned your lesson the first THREE times?!?!?!?

Brilliant? My ass, this guy is using you. Leave him and find a guy worth your time. You don't have to put up with this. You're not throwing away anything but trash. This guy is worthless. Any guy that cheats on a girl this many times is complete crap.

How old are you? I feel sorry for you. This guy WILL NOT change.

[katya]

Everything that others said. He lies and cheats. When he told you that he appreciates you more after everything he's done, that was a lie. He just didn't want you to get mad and leave him and that's why he said that - to smooth things over. No matter how brilliant in other areas he is (and you probably see him that way because you are so in love with him), you will have to live with him behaving this way. We have no right to tell what you should do. That's all up to you, but if I were you, I would forever end things with him. I coludn't live with him acting in such a way. He is not a serious boyfriend material.

[miSSleepy]

Your relationship will not work and you cannot trust him. He has cheated a number of times and every time YOU found out.
That you know of. He's a prick. Drop him...hard

[diaterra]

How old are you? I feel sorry for you. This guy WILL NOT change.

I'm eighteen, he is twenty-one and L is fourteen.

[starbuck]

I'm eighteen, he is twenty-one and L is fourteen.

He cheated on you with a fourteen year old? This guy just gets scumier and scumier.

[1averagejoe]

I'm eighteen, he is twenty-one and L is fourteen.

Holy crap...where do you live? This guy can get in real trouble if he slept with that 14yro depending on where you live.

This guy is utter crap. Get rid of him now. I'm not asking, I'm telling you.

[shh!]

You should report him to the cops.

[1averagejoe]

This guy deserves to learn his lesson with Bubba in the showers...

[Gribble]

What a sick ****. I hope a good Samaritan comes along and clubs both his kneecaps for him.

Leave that freak and inform the police. Do your part to protect other children from that pedophile.

[HUNT3R]

That is really sick. Leave him immediately. Your bf shouldn't cheat on you at all. At most, forgive him once. That would be generous enough. If he's cheated on you 3 times already, it's very likely he'll do it again. Cheated on you with a 14 year old? Sick. Leave asap.