Need advice on the "friend zone"

[8ball1764]

This is something I'd told myself I wouldn't do - posting about my problems in a forum - but it's gotten to the point where I don't think I can do this on my own, and forums help me to remain anonymous, so here goes.

No doubt, some of you have heard about the "friend zone", but for those who havent, ill explain. It's the point where a guy is only seen by a girl as a friend or brother figure, leaving the guy to feel the pains of an unrequited love. Unfortunately, I believe I'm stuck here.

I've loved this girl for going on a year now, and much to my dismay she has fallen out of reach. You see, for about 8 months she was dating my best friend. When they broke up, she turned to me for support. I will admit I felt anger towards him. It was his fault, he was cold to her, which I deduced is due to a problem with PDA, but I'm getting off track.

When they broke up, old feelings started to rise up, and my love was reborn from the ashes of what it once was. (If you hadn't caught on, I gave up on her once my friend started dating her) And I've been stuck in this predicament ever since. We hang out every now and then, occasionally we even bring along the ex, (they remained friends) but it's not enough for me. I love her in the worst way. When we're together, I feel nothing can bring me down, and when she leaves it feels as if she takes a piece of my soul with her. I have to stop myself from saying anything to her about it, because I don't want to lose her as a friend.

I suppose my real question is: Is there any way out of the "friend zone?" or prehaps a way to find out if she has feelings for me without giving away my own? I post this in the ask a female section because, well, i figure you are the best judges of female character arent you?

[Cain]

Once you're in the friend zone it's hard to get out, but it is possible. The problem is, you have to stop being her friend and start trying to be her lover. She, however, might not want to try it since the friendship might be ruined.

[bluesummer]

Also, you need to communicate your interest in her. She has no idea you like her, so she's just going to automatically assume you're a 'friend'.

[8ball1764]

I feel I may have condemned any chance at us being together though. See, I've told her of my love using third person countless times, only leaving out the name of who it is i speak of, but I think I've said to much. If I confess to her now with her knowing how much I love her, I'd have already moved too fast in the relationship before we even start. I don't know, I just wish there was some way for her to see me the way I see her.

The irony of the situation is that she told me to confess to the girl too, but if she knew who it was she'd understand why it is impossible.

[Tone]

I wouldn't go off and use the "love" word around here anytime soon.

But like was said you need to let her know you're interested, in SOME way. Ask her out more often, ask her to do things with you 1 on 1... don't bring her ex w/ you when you go places.

Flirt more, eye contact more, touch more, smile more.. just turn up the heat, man.

Others on here can put this better than me... but by remaining her friend with these deep feelings is going to tear you up. Besides the best kind of relationships are the ones where you can say "He/she is my best friend." You guys already have the friend thing down, why not find out if there is anything else there?? If you don't go for it you'll be miserable around her when some other schmuck does make a move on her and you'll always be living wondering................. What if?

[letlovein]

I am not a female but I have been in your shoes. I was in the friend zone with a girl that I have been the closest of friends with for 8 years. I started switching it up, behaving in a way that emphasized traits she would look for in a romantic interest.

What has already been said is very true. You need to do something to let her know. Whether that is, for you, a direct conversation or becoming more flirtatious, you must decide on what is most comfortable for you.

Not acting on my feelings nearly killed me. Now that I have started to change my behaviors, I have been greeted with interest, much to my liking. I don't know yet where things are headed but it feels good to acknowledge those feelings and act on them. Do it for you! Do it for her!

[bigfella247]

I have a mate who liked one of our closest friends, it ended ABSOLUTELY terribly, not that I wanna kill yourhopes and joys, he'd been flirting with her forever, he'd talk/text/message/email/facebook her every day (not in a creepy way - my mate and I moved to 'the big smoke' for uni and he was keeping in touch). point is, they were always in contact and he was letting her know in reasonably clear terms, and when he brought it up after a tactical wait turns out she had no idea what was going on -even with him being particularly bluntly flirty. Its not even that she's thick, she is ver intelligent.

Moral of the story: the Friend Zone is VERY dangerous. what you think is obvious may not even get noticed.

[IndiReloaded]

Others on here can put this better than me... but by remaining her friend with these deep feelings is going to tear you up.

How about: you might as well rip out your heart for her and put it on a plate with a fork & knife?

If she's available & you're interested, let her know. Whether it works out or not, you'll feel better for it & will be able to move forward. Ask anyone who's been there--limbo sucks far worse than knowing she's never going there.

Good luck.