Cheating boyfriend... what do I do??

[georgie_b]

Ok, this is a long one, but I really need advice on what to do and how to handle this... please help me!!

I've been going out with this guy for about two months. It got very serious very quickly - after a week we had "the talk" and decided to be exclusive, after two weeks we were referring to each other as boyfriend/girlfriend, a few days after that he booked us a holiday for later this summer. He's hinted that he wants me to move in with him and I'm supposed to be meeting his parents this weekend. Basically, it's been a bit of a whirlwind, and we're crazy about each other.

He had mentioned that he was casually seeing another couple of girls when we met, but he told me he ended it with them straight after our first date, as he knew he wanted to be with me. One of these girls was a Canadian girl called Annie.

I've just moved a bag of my stuff into his, and he said I can store my things in the spare room. So this morning I've been unpacking while he's at work. I found an ancient, beat-up looking mobile on his floor (he has a lot of random crap lying around) and since it's not his phone, which he took with him, I didn't think twice about looking at it. I actually expected it to be out of battery, but it wasn't. The inbox was empty, but the sent box was FULL of messages to my boyfriend's number... "I miss you so much... last night was amazing... are we still on for dinner/the movies etc... is it still ok for me to move my stuff in..." lots of winking and kisses etc. Looking at the dates, he was with her when he wasn't with me, and when he was with me he told her he was out of town. He saw her at least seven times since we've been "exclusive". Next to the phone was a pile of empty looking packages, addressed to an Annie. Inside were receipts to mail order lingerie companies for a LOT of stockings - the boyfriend's fetish - and the billing address was a Canadian one.

The weirdest thing about all this is that his ex-girlfriend from almost a year ago was supposedly staying with him for the past two weeks - they bought the place together so legally she's allowed to be there till the paperwork's all signed etc - while she was waiting to move to her new place. So for two weeks he had a perfect excuse to keep me out of the flat. There were nights when he told me he was dividing up CDs & DVDs with his ex, when he was actually with this Canadian girl. It obviously looks like the Canadian girl has moved back home now, hence why her UK phone is here next to a pile of her discarded stuff.

I don't know how to deal with this. I'm crazy about him and never thought he would've hurt a fly before this, but I feel so foolish. I don't understand why he would do this - he could've just kept things casual with me until she was gone, why go out of the way to make me feel like I was so special, and make us exclusive, if you're then just going to lie and cheat? And why leave all that **** lying around in the room he told me was mine?

I know it wasn't HIS phone, but I still feel like an awful person for looking through his stuff. I would NEVER normally check through someone else's messages or emails, but as it was so old and battered and clearly not his, not to mention the fact that it was just lying on the floor, I didn't even consider there could be something private on there.

The other thing is that he broke up with his ex-girlfriend of six years because she cheated on him twice. He seemed so hurt by it and always says how he thinks infidelity is unacceptable - I honestly thought if there was one guy I could trust not to cheat on me, it was him. So now I'm starting to doubt the evidence I've seen with my own eyes...

What do I say to him? Should I confront him about it? If I do I know he'll turn it around and make me feel guilty for looking through his phone. Or should I pretend I never found it? She has left the country after all, so maybe now it'll be ok? Am I being a complete fool?!

[pisces25]

Whatever you do do not move in with someone you have only known for 2 months. BIG MISTAKE.

[vashti]

He seemed so hurt by it and always says how he thinks infidelity is unacceptable - I honestly thought if there was one guy I could trust not to cheat on me, it was him.

Believe me when I say that ANYONE is capable of cheating, given the right circumstances and right timing.

Anyway, I think this is clearly an indication that you had better not move in. You don't know him the way you thought you did, but he is either dumb as a rock for leaving evidence laying around like that, or he wanted you to see it.

[VincenzoG91]

He sounds like a pathological liar. Find your self-esteem and run away from this loser.

[Wakeup]

Two months and you're jonesing to move in with someone you don't even know. Well, you've just found out one thing about him that tells me that you're desperate for a place to live if you continue on with moving your stuff in. Why else would anyone move in with a man who is a stranger, who hasn't even finished one relationship (the deal on the house isn't even completed yet) and has an overseas girlfriend that he's keeping on the hook. Stick around long enough and I suppose he'll be needing to take a business trip to Toronto in no time at all.

Don't believe his excuses. He's not ready to be in a relationship or to be exclusive with anyone at this point. He's lied to you about EVERYTHING probably even that his ex cheated on him and it was actually the other way around. Ugh.. why would you even need to ask us what you should do, doll?

[smackie9]

Dear dear, If you are here asking what to do, you must have no self esteem whatsoever. I doubt very highly his ex cheated on him, it's the other way around like wakeup said. This is all so wrong you moving in after only 2 months, how can you possibly know someone in that time...well you do know more now lol....a little more than what you bargained for. Just lay out the evidence on the kitchen table (the phone, the addressed packages) then pack up your s hit and leave. Delete him off your phone and your life. Don't bother talking to him,there is no point. All he is going to do is feed you more lies.


I have to say that yes karma does exist!