Complicated issue I need help with warning, it's long winded

[dylan]

You'll most likely need both of out stories for this to be answered accurately.

mine: last girlfriend before my current one cheated on my, I forgave her, then found out not only did she not break up with him, but she added on my "best friend." Ruined my life for like 3 years.
So now I am pretty shy when it comes to girls.
I am poor, below the poverty line, link card got cut, we basically have to skip supper most nights now, and I haven't had a real breakfast in like 2 years.
I'm not very popular outside of school because I can't afford to do anything, but I'm friends with a good number of people in school.


My girlfriends story: my "best friend" from earlier was her only other boyfriend ever.
Of course, he was a complete jerk, and he made her pretty shy as well, and she already was a decent amount of shy.
She is like, upper middle class.
Her car is a Malibu, her dads car is a Mustang, her moms is a really nice Acura.


I noticed her at first because I noticed she dressed with style and originality, yet all of her best friends were the typical high school clones.
All rich spoiled kids as well, materialistic, no work value.

I started talking to her every once in a while just hoping to become friends with her because I found out she isn't like that at all, and she is extremely nice, but shy about it.
I added her on myspace and we started talking more in real life and on the net, and I realized I was slowly falling in love.
I asked her to homecoming, and she looked amazed and surprised, and she said yes with enthusiasm, me asking her surprised me because I honestly felt like I'd never get anywhere because of the last crippling relationship.
We ahd an awesome time at homecoming, during one song she seemed to keep slowly pulling me closer to her, as if to see how close I'd get,, and I remembered two songs, Dead Memories by slipknot and Seize the Day by a7x, first one basically is about a drummers divorce, the memories have to be dead to him or he can't move on, seize the day is basically "Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost, it's empty and cold without you here", both of them pretty much made me make up my mind, suck up the pain, and ask her out.
She went dark red, probably darker than me, and she said yes, and she got the smile I always got the "I'm extremely excited but trying to not embarrass myself about it" smile.

We started doing stuff like once or so a week (She lives like a 10 minute drive, like a 2 hour bike ride away, made it hard since I don't have a car.).
But she has a lot of stress, and her best friend told me "You will never know what she is thinking, it is practically impossible.", and GOD was she right.
I basically have no life besides her because all of my friends are far to lazy to do anything, and I can't afford to hang out with my friends from school who are all rich. It makes for plenty of time to completely shred myself on thinking about what some things meant/mean.

For instance: she never seems to want to sit by me in school.
I don't know why, I at first guessed it was because she felt I was by her too much and she wants more time with just her friends.
The one time she by herself without me asking to was a day I was pretty messed up about something (I might have to move because we can't afford food anymore.), and these two girls that had assigned seats by me kept trying to cheer me up, and I guess she heard it and decided to sit by me.
Her sitting by me like that, without me asking, her just wanting to be there MADE MY DAY, I mean, I almost immediately cheered up and wasn't sad for like the rest of the day. I don't think she realizes how much little things can mean to me because she is so used to being around people who are just spoiled and materialistic.

We went rock climbing together, and everything was really cool that night.
The date before that we almost kissed, but she got this kinda nervous laugh and it made me back off, and she said "Maybe next time?" and I agreed, if she wasn't ready I wasn't gonna push it.
Well, I was planning on kissing her when she dropped me off, and I am pretty sure she realized that, but her mom called and made her drop by her house and her mom would drive us home, we're both 16, the law says we can't drive by ourselves after 10 PM, it was like 10:01 PM, the tone in her voice when she said "Mom... please... don't do this..." was indescribable, I mean, it was like, true sadness.
I spent like, hours, thinking about what she would mean by this tone, like, did she just not want to be embarrassed, or did she really know I was planning on kissing her.

But I mean there is so many times she seems to ignore me, or just not like being around me.
One example would be yesterday.
I have only one way of contacting her, internet, cell phone busted, home phone busted.

I asked about her weekend so far, how she was feeling, how work was while feeling kinda crappy, and then asked since she was feeling better if she wanted to do anything today.
That was the only one she didn't reply to, the status of it says she read it, but didn't reply.
Now I am left wondering the options.
1. She doesn't want to do anything because she is feeling crappy still and didn't want to say it
2. She doesn't want to do anything with me in general

From everything that's been going on, it just seems like the second is more viable.

When we talk now, it always turns into silence quick.
She just doesn't seem like talking, but then again, she is really shy.
When we're in school she is always so distanced from me it seems, when we do anything outside of school she is so much different, and we always have an amazing time.

I mean, it's like she's ashamed of me or something, but she has never cared about money, or stuff, and her best friend told me even she thinks we're a perfect match.

I can honestly never know what she is thinking, she is just too good at hiding it...

I am being torn apart about what to do, if anyone out there has actually read all of this, any help?
Any try at talking to her about it failed so far...

[dylan]

Hate to bump, but ugh I really need advice...

[Bumble_bee]

how long have you been seeing her?

maybe she is getting tired of waiting for you to kiss her?

sounds like she likes you but you're fast heading into FZ territory...

[dylan]

It's only been like 2 weeks, she is the one who called off the first kiss, then her mom basically ruined what I was going to do for it the next time, and I asked her about doing anything today and she completely ignored that part of the message I sent.

I really like her, she is like the only girl I've ever met that I relate so incredibly well with interests wise, and she has such an amazing personality whenever her quiet side doesn't take over.

If it's that she is sick of waiting for the first kiss, I doubt she'd tell me, in fact, I doubt she'd ever say what's wrong, she is just so shy about things relationship wise, and she is so good at hiding what she thinks and feels...

I don't know what FZ means, but it doesn't sound inviting. D:

I honestly think right now what I should do is find some time/place that we are alone so she is less shy and ask her about a couple of things, but I don't want to ask about to much, or to little, or at all if it's gonna turn her away from me, I just really don't want to screw this up...

[Bumble_bee]

I don't know what FZ means, but it doesn't sound inviting. D:

I honestly think right now what I should do is find some time/place that we are alone so she is less shy and ask her about a couple of things, but I don't want to ask about to much, or to little, or at all if it's gonna turn her away from me, I just really don't want to screw this up...

FZ.. sorry.... friend-zoned

yes this sounds like the best idea, the shyness is what's probably making her behave the way she does too. you wnt screw this up, just let her know you care...best of luck Dylan.

[dylan]

Thanks for the help, and yeah... if we do break up "staying friends" will practically kill me, because as I said, I do honestly doubt I will ever meet anyone as great as her, as compatible...

[Chupacabras]

Thanks for the help, and yeah... if we do break up "staying friends" will practically kill me, because as I said, I do honestly doubt I will ever meet anyone as great as her, as compatible...

You are going to change dramatically in your 20's. Once your hormones calm down and you get some mileage under your wheels, what is compatible will be very, very different.

[MVPlaya]

Thanks for the help, and yeah... if we do break up "staying friends" will practically kill me, because as I said, I do honestly doubt I will ever meet anyone as great as her, as compatible...

I don't doubt you honestly believe that, but you are like every other teenager who thinks this about their crush. Its a passing feeling. Everyone gets their heart broken. I got mine broken in high school, you learn from it, you learn to control your emotions better, you learn not to develop too outrageous feelings for people so quickly.

Don't worry about it, its life.

[dylan]

Yes, I know about that, and I'm not just spouting about this just because she is my current girlfriend, I live in a small town, like 1400 people, hers is like 300.

I'm most likely never moving away, and I have met pretty much every person in both towns, 90% of them have never even heard of half the music I like, or love things like rock climbing, and like 99% of them are just stuck up...

If I do move away after I turn 18, I know I'd meet people who are at least close, but i mean, there has not been one single thing yet we have said that we both haven't completely agreed on, everyone else I can't agree practically at all with...

EDIT: my friend says that she might be afraid of falling for me, he had a girlfriend that did exactly this, but was like, madly in love with him.
She had a pretty bad boyfriend and was scared of any outcome that could possibly be bad, all he had to do was talk about it and give her encouragement.

It does sort of sound plausible, just in case I'm going to be pretty neutral in the beginning of our talk, I really don't ant to make it seem like it's anyone's fault, natural shyness and such can't really be a reason to tear apart a relationship IMO.

[Mandd]

You know, I'm not great at advice.. I'm 16 too, got one girlfriend too.. Go to a rich school with a scholarship and I'm pretty poor.. My ex-girlfriend, well she still likes me but cannot go out because of her parents and she hates lying.. When she "broke-up" with me for that, I thought it was an excuse and she did it via texted. I tried to talk to her about it she often just changed subject, which she is good at. What am I saying is that she is probably shy, and to talk in person would be better and look in her eyes when you do so. You can't guess whats she's thinking and trying to ask other people what SHE is thinking can just make you worse (experienced it ).

What I am saying is talk to her and try to do it at the good moment. I broke up with mine and I was down, really down, i couldn't do my work and was in a very bad mood and almsot lost 2 friend of mine being really rude with them. I hope it will turn out well for you and just if ever it does not turn out as you want, take a step back, breath, think and as other people said, its life you have to move on

P.S: I'm sorry for the bad english and the advice if it isn't that great, everything will turn out for the best you'll see

[MVPlaya]

Yes, I know about that, and I'm not just spouting about this just because she is my current girlfriend, I live in a small town, like 1400 people, hers is like 300.

I'm most likely never moving away, and I have met pretty much every person in both towns, 90% of them have never even heard of half the music I like, or love things like rock climbing, and like 99% of them are just stuck up...

If I do move away after I turn 18, I know I'd meet people who are at least close, but i mean, there has not been one single thing yet we have said that we both haven't completely agreed on, everyone else I can't agree practically at all with...

Why would you never move away? Do you plan on going to college? If you don't, I highly recommend it. Not just for the schooling and the jobs, but as a chance to meet literally thousands of people and build experience with women and relationships, not to mention to get out of a town that is smaller than most high schools.

[dylan]

You know, I'm not great at advice.. I'm 16 too, got one girlfriend too.. Go to a rich school with a scholarship and I'm pretty poor.. My ex-girlfriend, well she still likes me but cannot go out because of her parents and she hates lying.. When she "broke-up" with me for that, I thought it was an excuse and she did it via texted. I tried to talk to her about it she often just changed subject, which she is good at. What am I saying is that she is probably shy, and to talk in person would be better and look in her eyes when you do so. You can't guess whats she's thinking and trying to ask other people what SHE is thinking can just make you worse (experienced it ).

What I am saying is talk to her and try to do it at the good moment. I broke up with mine and I was down, really down, i couldn't do my work and was in a very bad mood and almsot lost 2 friend of mine being really rude with them. I hope it will turn out well for you and just if ever it does not turn out as you want, take a step back, breath, think and as other people said, its life you have to move on

P.S: I'm sorry for the bad english and the advice if it isn't that great, everything will turn out for the best you'll see

We have practically the same situation, except we are still dating.
I actually realized today I don't really look her in the eyes all that often, she always looks away when I have tried, maybe I should do that more.

Why would you never move away? Do you plan on going to college? If you don't, I highly recommend it. Not just for the schooling and the jobs, but as a chance to meet literally thousands of people and build experience with women and relationships, not to mention to get out of a town that is smaller than most high schools.

No, there's a good college right outside of this town.

[dylan]

I think I may have found one large issue.

I get locked up pretty easily, as does she, I think the second that I start getting quieter, she does too, and well, the domino theory commences from there on.

I think maybe if I can just try to suck it up and keep the conversations going it might help a lot, with as said before, more eye contact.