Does my bestfriend want more from me?

[s_maingay]

How do you know if a guy likes you more than friends? I work with a male friend of mine who over the last 6months have become really close to. We spend every chance we get together doing coffee or dinner and he's really protective of me around other guys. everyone around us asks me if we're dating but I can't get a straight answer out of him. We have the best friendship, but is that all it is?

[SpaZz]

who knows... 6 months is a long time... people naturally become closer over a long period of time... and its not uncommon for a guy to be protective of (female) friends... especially if he's close to you cause he dosen't want you to get hurt. More like the big brother stepping in sort of thing. I'd say you'd have to give us more to go on... but hey if you really want to know... ask him... he he he its a new age we live in.

Does he get jealous when you're with other guys? Have you been out with anyone else since meeting him? if so how did he act around you're b/f ie partner?

[s_maingay]

6months isn't a long time for him. he's very reserved and doesn't talk about his true feelings very openly that is why it is so hard for me to gauge. I think he has serious trust issues about letting people into his life. I haven't seen anyone as such but he certainly keeps them away. He seems to get really jealous and annoyed if I give anyother male attention. Comments like "where's my hug" and "don't get too close now"(ie, why aren't you touching me) make me wonder what the hell he really wants. normally I'd think that that was nothing, but something is telling me I can't compare this guy to anyone else. does that mak it easier to help me?

[Cybog]

Have you tried emailing him about "what's going on"?

It almost sounds like he is the jealous posessive type, which is normally a red-flag zone, but nonetheless, if you really want to date this guy, you frankly need to either shit of get off the pot.

Emailing him and letting it all out might be the solution you are looking for. Perhaps if he can't speak his mind to you in person, doing it via email will be easier for him to tell you how he feels.

6 months is far too long for any woman to ponder about what they want from a guy.

[s_maingay]

I have tried emailing, but I've sort of side stepped the issue cos, I don't want to lose the friendship if he's not interested. I'm the kinda chick who can't handle rejection, so I need something concrete to go on before I open up if you get what I'm saying.

[SpaZz]

6months isn't a long time for him. he's very reserved and doesn't talk about his true feelings very openly that is why it is so hard for me to gauge. I think he has serious trust issues about letting people into his life.

I know what you're saying... but if hes that sort of guy (reserved) then it dosen't sound like he'll give you anything concrete to go on.

Comments like "where's my hug" and "don't get too close now"(ie, why aren't you touching me) make me wonder what the hell he really wants.

Sounds like this may be his way of giving you suttle hints... especially if its actually making you wonder.

Does he have any other female friends? if so

How does he act around them?

[Cybog]

bah, people need to stop playing CSI with their relationships and just spill it.

Look, if this guy is an immature computer geek who hasnt gotten laid in.....ever, then chances are he will reject you and never talk to you again.

Oh darn! Now you arent friends with the immature Trekkie fan who couldnt have an adult conversation with you!

Or, if he is a mature individual, and you finally break out of your shell and take a risk in life, you COULD ask him/email him and invite him out to coffee/lunch/brunch/dinner (insert random eating public establishment here)

Once there, ask him about his dating history, past and present. Simply comment on his tie, what time he got to work, and how his girlfriend would probably be pissed if she found out you guys were eating together.

This is where he reveals he doesnt have a girlfriend, and you continue with the lunch dates and coffees until you are doing it at 8am before work with your 2.6 kids in your two-story home.

This "I dont want to lose our friendship" over a caffinated beverage is so ignorant. Get over the concept that going out for "its just lunch" is going to send him over the edge and have you calling restraining orders to keep him away.

Trust me. Guys like attention from chicks, and its clear that this dude likes you. Stop wasting time and take a chance. You arent getting any younger here.

[s_maingay]

I guess I knew that I'd never get anything concrete and that's why I am greatful for some outside advise. Chicks are good at seeing things that aren't there.

He use to hangout with this other chick from work quite a bit who I was friends with, but I never spoke to him then. he didn't have much choice with her though cos she hung off him like a bad smell.

She went away for 3months and thats when he made an effort to get to know me. Now he won't spend time with anyother female if he doesn't have too. He definitely likes female attention cos he's head of security at the bar I work at, but he's not a typicale sleeze and hasn't dated anyone for about a year. He could have anyone he wanted as he's very attractive and popular.

I don't know, there's another guy I care for a great deal, so can I approach the first guy by giving him the fact that I'm ready and looking to date again, and would he be okay with that as a friend, or is he interested? Is that a bad way to put it?

[Illusional]

well considering that he is opening up to you, and you spend dinner and what not time together i would say that it's more than friends. friends usually go out to lunch occasionally, but dinner is usually the next step. raverboy

[SpaZz]

I don't know, there's another guy I care for a great deal, so can I approach the first guy by giving him the fact that I'm ready and looking to date again, and would he be okay with that as a friend, or is he interested? Is that a bad way to put it?

No not at all... that way you take the pressure off him having to ask you out, and you should get a straight answer... and if he dosen't like you like that... no bigie, you're still friends. Then you could get on with dating this other guy.

[s_maingay]

Thanks that sounds like a plan

[Cybog]

Gee, there's an echo in here....

[s_maingay]

Gee, there's an echo in here....

I appreciate your toughness but I'm not into making nyone feel uncomfortable, especially a friend. You are right though. thanks

[Illusional]

i didn't hear any echo... raverboy