Confusion

[kt2295]

Hi, I'm a 19 year old girl, will be turning 20 next month.
Just wanted to post here to see what people would advise me to do. I'm a new member to this site. I started dating my first love when I was 15 years old and I was with this guy until this time last year (3 1/2 years). He split with me as he said he didn't love me anymore. I knew deep down that it had been rocky for a while but I never had it in me to end it because I believed I was still in love with him. It absolutely broke my heart and it took me months to get over him. I moved away to go to university and this helped me to get over him quicker as I didn't have him around. He moved on pretty much straight away. After 4 or 5 months I met someone else, who treated me so lovely at the beginning. He told me he would never hurt me like my ex did. He made all these promises to make me happy etc. Then one day in the club I caught him cheating with another girl (who he is now dating), so I believe this may have been going on before I caught him red-handed. This broke my heart too, because I thought I'd finally found someone after my ex, after months of believing I'd never find someone again. I was only with the second guy for about 3 months or so, but he made me feel amazing about myself until I found out he cheated. Now I just have no faith in relationships whatsoever and I'm only young. I am focused on my career and doing well for myself, I'm not going out looking for love, but I can't help feeling very lonely at times. Especially being at uni and being away from home, family and friends. I am a fairly shy person anyway so I really struggle to meet people. I keep pushing away the nice guys who treat me lovely. I just don't wanna get hurt again. I feel like I'm standing in my own way of happiness. Any guy who gives me attention, I say I don't want a relationship because I'm not ready, but then I also complain if they are only looking for 'one thing'. There's no solution. I feel like I'm at war with myself. I just want to be able to let myself love again. I just feel like something is telling me I can't, or that there is something wrong with me.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

[SuperHappyTime1]

There isn't anything wrong with you. Your first relationship wasn't a good one. You caught your second partner red handed. So far it just sounds like you've been in two bad relationships.

Just be patient. There shouldn't be any hurry to fall in love.

[CaseySp]

There is nothing wrong with you. You are young and are going through a very confusing phase. Go and enjoy yourself. Learn to love yourself first before letting anyone do it.

[nootkan]

First off, it sounds like you've only had two relationships in your 20 years so you really have no experience with dating. Don't let two bad experiences deter you from going out and meeting other men. There is nothing wrong with you. Change your mindset from trying to find love to trying to learn more about yourself and how you can have fun dating and meeting men for companionship/friendship. If you feel the need for intimate relations than you make the choice. Don't feel pressured to do so unless it is okay with you. Eventually you will meet a guy who you feel has more to offer and will have to take a chance that he is genuine and not going to hurt you. However, if he does then you need to be able to chalk it up to a poor quality of man instead of blaming yourself.

You are still very young and inexperienced so focus on you and your career while learning about men in general through dating. Think of it as a learning curve and that you want to be the best at it that you can be. Somewhere along the way you'll meet the right guy for you and he won't be going anywhere. Then the real work begins. Have fun, be smart and believe in yourself because you are worth it!