I have left my boyfriend for my Ex- have I made a mistake?

[lotte jones]

I left my boyfriend (Carl) of one year because I couldn't stop thinking of my ex (Dave) of previously 3 years.

Carl was very loving, generous, gave me butterflies, gorgeous but he wasn't forth coming when it came to living together, wanted it to happen but wasn't in a rush.
During the relationship i have bumped into Dave at mutual friends parties a number of times (i knew he still had feelings for me through friends)I would become upset seeing him, it played on my mind that i was getting upset and worried me that i still had feelings even though extremely happy with Carl.

After a year of being with Carl I thought i would take the plunge and try again with my ex, find out if there was anything in it. a risk because Carl is amazing and i love him very much but do i love Dave more if i can't forget about him?

i told Carl his commitment issues were frustrating me and left it at that.
so i have been dating Dave for 3 weeks now with Carl begging for me back saying that he will move in next week and all these lovely things.

I can't help but wonder if i have made the right decision?
i love Dave like he was a family member, he is my best friend and we had an amazing 3 years, we split up because he was working too much, now he doesn't.
i love Carl, he was passionate, exciting, looked after me and a great laugh.

i need to make a decision and stick to it but i can't help but think i will never forget about the other one no matter what decision i make?

whats the right decision?

[steviej]

Why were you in such a rush to get carl to move in? It's a big step and a lot of pressure, if things were good just go with it and do it when the time is right.
You need to cut poor carl loose, he sounds like a decent guy who deserves better than a needy immature girl like you.

Carl will not trust you again now even if you went back to him, his confidence in the relationship will be shot, he'll need constant reassurance plus the fact that he's telling you everything you want to hear out of desperation, not because he actually wants all that (not yet, you've only been together a year!)

[pisces25]

I too don't understand why after one year you are so hooked on the idea of moving in together. You and Dave broke up for a reason. I think you have made a mistake. Carl probably dodged a bullet.

[lotte jones]

Carl and i had a long distance relationship, he lived with his parents(aged 28) and I own my own home, we agreed it made sense but he kept finding excuses and moving the move in date to further away. So it seemed like empty promises, it didn't moan about this to him as I appreciate the move would have been a big deal but it frustrated me that he would keep giving me false hope.

[VincenzoG91]

So why did you originally break up with Dave? How have you and Dave changed since the breakup?

[Wakeup]

^^^ Because she's a stupid beotch.. She broke up with him "because he worked too much"

whats the right decision?

The right decision would be for you to take yourself out of the dating pool until you figure out yourself. You're a menance to men in general when you don't know what you want and you PUSH them out of your life because of the reasons you've pushed these two out.

Grow up please, learn to make a choice and stick to it. You can't even figure this out yourself and you come to a forum board full of strangers to tell you who to pick.

Why don't you tell them about one another and how you've been physically present in one relationship while being emotionally in another. Fix yourself for goodness sakes or ask them both to be your lovers in a polyamourous triad and see if they both love you enough to share you like you've been secretly sharing them. You cheat two men and yourself with your nonsense.

Now, picture you and me having a glass of red wine together and you not taking offense because you've asked for my opinion and I've given it to you matter of factly and as it is. Take it or leave it but at least think about what's wrong with you so that you grow to be able to live without some man hanging off of you while you discard them for piss poor reasons, like used hankies only to want to recycle them when the new one won't immediately give you what you want.

[Wakeup]

Further to above:

Carl and i had a long distance relationship, he lived with his parents(aged 28) and I own my own home, we agreed it made sense but he kept finding excuses and moving the move in date to further away. So it seemed like empty promises, it didn't moan about this to him as I appreciate the move would have been a big deal but it frustrated me that he would keep giving me false hope.

Surely the man realized that your heart was with another and so his gut was telling him to put you off. One year is NOT enough time to move in with someone. Particularily if they are still in contact with an ex that they're staring off into space and thinking about still.

pfffft.

[lotte jones]

thank you for your comments "Wake up" i appreciate your honesty.
i am totally confused and i am feeling depressed and down having these feelings- i am certainly not enjoying treating this men like this- i should be able to choose.
i feel like i don't believe there is not just 1 person is this world for another but people are lucky to find 1 to love. i believe i have been lucky enough to find 2 (although unlucky it feels!), and i want to go with one because i won't be lucky enough to find a 3rd!

i guess I've come to a forum as I want unbiased opinions rather than family or friends.

qualities
Carl - spoils, romantic, chatty, funny, energetic, hyper and mood swings
Dave - driven, very calm, cute, extremely soft and gentle, shy and not romantic

polar opposites but amazing in there individual ways

lets get one thing straight though- i am not intimate with either right now, just dating Dave

[Cerby]

Lotte, I sympathize with Carl, you were pushing him to commit to you while you were in love with your ex. Carl was right to not move in with you, you weren't in it for him. If you were, this wouldn't be an issue, you'd love him and be willing to wait for him to be ready.

So the reality is that I don't think you ever actually "loved" Carl, but you really liked the idea of being with him. So Wakeup, albeit kind of a bitch about it, is completely right. You were in contact with your ex, he was put off by one of a few things listed above, so you jumped ship to the "sure thing" aka your ex.

You don't deserve Carl, let him find someone who won't try to force him into making life-changing decisions at the risk of being dumped.

[Maple1714]

Lotte - You probably do not love either one of them. You just want what is most comfortable and most secure. Have you ever been single and alone in your adult life? Maybe try that for a change? Like wakeup says, you have to figure yourself out...by yourself...before you can be in a healthy committed relationship with another person. No one will have all the qualities you think you want/like. No one. You could get a roommate in your house instead of a BF? How old are you? I feel bad for Carl...I feel bad for both men.

You are not having sex with the guy you are dating? What is the point of dating? I don't get it....do you just hold hands?

[lotte jones]

i am 27 years old.
i feel bad for both men too! i have not given Carl false hope- we have broken up and now dating Dave, it all felt so right when i made the decision, although 3 weeks on and I'm wondering whether i did. i didn't think this would happen as completely thought my heart was with Dave still- now I've seen him a few times I'm not so sure. whats wrong with me..!?

with "the one" are you suppose to be completely sure? if so, how do you!?

i was single for a year after breaking up with Dave originally and meeting Carl.

[IndiReloaded]

Take some time to be alone and figure out what you want.