Deeply in love with my best female friend, need help asap :/

[Girlsgonewild]

Figuring that you girls maybe could help me out with this one. Story is this; met this girl almost a year ago when we started in the same class. I pretty quickly grew feelings for her, after about 2-3 months. Obviously I was/am attracted to her, but felt more that I wanted her by my side when I was in bed at night. About 5 months in I kind of started feeling some signals from her back towards me so I started flirting with her and being cute with her, she responded to this. Worth noticing was that she just got out of something with somebody she liked, and got hurt of in this period of time. We never kissed, I stroke her thies when she came home to me, and there was definetly something there. I continued giving her complimants, and touching her, a couple of days after she wrote to me on MSN and told me that we needed to talk. She said I couldnt touch her like that when her male friends was watching, and asked me if it was kind of difficualt to get into a relationship with me. I replied no and she declared that she wanted to become **** friends with me. Asked me "listen, I dont know if u just wanna **** me or if u have feelings for me...", I thought this was really weird since i clearly indicated that i liked her, i even told her, she said she liked me aswell. She told me that the thought of me ****ing her was really sexy for her, I said the same thing, and we talked about some fantasies.

She said that she saw me as a friend, and didnt want an open relationship. I took this as a shock, since I could tell in her eyes, and the hole atmosphere that she was feeling what I was. It was something special. I told her that when I looked in to her eyes I could feel what she was feeling, she just replied like wooow. Afterwards Ive been thinking that she maybe lied to me, that she felt what I felt. She said that she wanted to have sex with me and that we also should be intimate friends like we had been.

Anyways not soon after this when we met she had turned off these feelings that we had earlier, and hanged out with me like we were normal friends, like nothing had happend. This made me feel unsecure and depressed. A few days afterwards I told her, why dont you come to me, we can hang out. She said yes but dont get mad if I dont, cuz I gotta take my time, I thought that was bullshit and wondered why she canceled what she had said she wanted to do. We were out drinking the same day and she said to me when she was drunk that we were gonna ****, I said well lets go then and she said nooo, Im not that kinda of agirl, im just a simple girl, ill find a girlfriend to you.

She also said the thought scared her, me and her doing something. That she was afraid that she would stark liking me too much. So I got fed up with this and told her "what do you wanna do with this we talked about?" she replied "that lets start over again... lets just be friends, if something will happend its destiny. Our friendship is so special, I dont wanna loose you as a friend."

After this she tried to touch me after this, and asked me "are you still excited?" and I didnt really reply. She had just rejected me. Our relationship got wierd, she got cold and after a while she rejected me totally, for about a month. She then called me again and told me sheed been missing me, and thinking a lot of me, and that I was her friend and she wanted to be my friend again. We kind of met up again since were in the same class and school was just about to start. After this we were just friends, nothing special. No were hanging out regulary again, but my strong emotions are coming back, very hard. She keeps sending me these signals, but one day shes cold and the other shes flirty. Shes btw a drama queen, has a lot of male friends and likes the attention. She told me the other day "have you ever experienced that you rejected somebody, and said, lets just be friends, and after that started to like the person more and more?"

I didnt really understand what she meant but afterwards I thought about this and realized this was what exactly that happend between us. I texted her like 7 am thisother day and asked when we started class and she replied "how scary I was just thinking about you." Do friends say things like this? We were out the other day drinking, a girl was flirting with me and a dude was flirting with her. We barely looked or talked to eachother. Shes very interested inthe girls that flirts with me or vice versa, more than I am interested in them.


Anyhow... she doesnt really know what she wants, but I cant take this anymore. Im thinking about her 24/7, cant get her out of my head, this is making me sad. Its getting to the point were I dont think I can be friends with her anymore, but were in the same class. She also this summer told me that I was the first one that knew everything about her that this happend with, the attraction and feelings, that this scared her. Shed had bad experinces with guys before, im really different from these ppl, i can tell. Anyhow..... what should I do? Just declare how I feel? Dont wanna pressure her too much on the other hand. But I cant know what she is thinking. Or should I just try to kiss her? Im losing my mind help.

As I said earlier shes a little bit of a tease girl and flirts with her other male friends and this and that... sends out signals and she doesnt know it and this and that. But something between us is really special but im getting to the point where im getting depressed.

BTW: Im not scottish, klicked the wrong flag. Im Scandinavian.

[MynameisJesus]

My first impression is that you and I might have a similar past and a similar view about relationships. I don't know if there are similarities in our histories but I can find out if you can say a bit more about following aspects:

Is it true that you don't have much history with other women and see her as "the one"?
Is it so that she has had mulitiple partners and might not take things as seriously as you do?
Do your friends see you as a shy guy and her as a super confident girl?

The fact that you call her a drama queen makes me think that she's sexually loose around guys and that she doesn't have the same strong feelings as you do. You might have misinterpreted her "signals" which is very common when you are in love.

I'm asking this because I was in a similar spot in my first year in college. I thought she was "the one" and interpreted every nice comment she gave me as an indication that she wanted to be in a sexual relationship with me. It turned out that she was close to dozens of guys after a few drinks and I totally misinterpreted what she told me. I was/am a virgin and she had had over ten guys at the time. Any gentle touch of hers was interpreted as a sexual desire because I wanted her so badly

I used to think about her 24/7 too like you are doing now. I used to make huge threads and ask for advice like you are doing now, because I was afraid of telling her what I really felt. That I would seem needy and creepy to her.
I ended up telling her all of it and she got scared, and she avoided contact with me since then.

Maybe you are so in love that you can't judge what kind of person she really is. Women who are flirty around other men are often seen as very sexual and attractive and if you are a shy guy like me, that might be what attracts you to her so much.

The girl I once fell for was an overconfident drama queen and I fell for her because she had the confidence that I was missing.

From my experience I can tell that it's very hard to keep being close friends with someone you love.
I hope you keep us updated.

Good luck

[Girlsgonewild]

My first impression is that you and I might have a similar past and a similar view about relationships. I don't know if there are similarities in our histories but I can find out if you can say a bit more about following aspects:

Is it true that you don't have much history with other women and see her as "the one"?
Is it so that she has had mulitiple partners and might not take things as seriously as you do?
Do your friends see you as a shy guy and her as a super confident girl?

The fact that you call her a drama queen makes me think that she's sexually loose around guys and that she doesn't have the same strong feelings as you do. You might have misinterpreted her "signals" which is very common when you are in love.

I'm asking this because I was in a similar spot in my first year in college. I thought she was "the one" and interpreted every nice comment she gave me as an indication that she wanted to be in a sexual relationship with me. It turned out that she was close to dozens of guys after a few drinks and I totally misinterpreted what she told me. I was/am a virgin and she had had over ten guys at the time. Any gentle touch of hers was interpreted as a sexual desire because I wanted her so badly

I used to think about her 24/7 too like you are doing now. I used to make huge threads and ask for advice like you are doing now, because I was afraid of telling her what I really felt. That I would seem needy and creepy to her.
I ended up telling her all of it and she got scared, I barely ever talked to her again.

Maybe you are so in love that you can't judge what kind of person she really is. Women who are flirty around other men are often seen as very sexual and attractive and if you are a shy guy like me, that might be what attracts you to her so much.

The girl I once fell for was an overconfident drama queen and I fell for her because she had the confidence that I was missing.
I hope you keep us updated.

Good luck

Yes on the first question. Prob yes on the second question. Friends see me as a confident secure guy, and her "confidens" is just on the surface. Shes unsecure and has bad self esteem deep down but not so much that she cant flirt with others. I guess shell get scared if I tell her yess... but I need to do something!!

[MynameisJesus]

I can't help thinking that her sexual behavior around other guys is what attracts you to her so much. Because when I'm honest with myself and look back at the latest women I loved, I realize that all of them were drama queens who enjoyed attention from any guy.
Some women like to make you fall in love by being flirty, because they enjoy the attention that you give them. In fact some need it to feel good about themselves. When you give it to those women, they have "succeeded" and look for other challenges. And it seems that she has succeeded with you and runs back to you searching for confirmation now that you have had less contact with her for a while.

Another thing I recognize.. You said she's had bad experiences with guys. Is that because the guys she's been with cheated on her?

Because I've known some drama queens who enjoy the attention from caring guys like you, who are thinking about them 24/7.
And the guys that are succesful with those women, are the guys who DO NOT give them attention and don't give them the confirmation that you are giving.
The guys who simply don't give a f"ck and end up cheating on them.

Prime example:
My closest girl friend is also a drama queen, she has attention from 200 nice guys and the only one she "loved" is a drugs addict who ended up abusing her. She fell for him because he was the only one who was interesting and didn't give her the confirmation that she's looking for 24/7. And I, as a close friend, ended up crying for her because of this.

I hope this girl is not similar because if so, you better stay away from her.

I realize that it's urgent and my best advice at this point is to talk about it with your best friend first. Don't keep sitting at home being depressed.