My husband wants to move out to save our marriage

[marinegal]

My husband and I are in our 30's and recently married (2 months). 2 weeks after we were married his mother ended up in ICU with an infection. She passed away on thursday after a 6 week battle.



During this time and beforehand we have been bickering a bit over other stresses (money, family) and especially since his mother has been ill. A few weeks ago he told me he was thinking about moving out to "save our marriage". He wants us to start dating again and get to know each other again. I am devastated. I know I have been a trial to live with over the past year becasue of various other things going on, and I have apologised and begged him to stay. He is moving out today and has signed a 6 month lease for an apartment.



We still love each other, and I don't believe there is anyone else. I don't think he is coping with the death of his mum, and the loss of his business 12 months ago after a car accident. I think he is numb, depressed and trying to run away from his feelings (I have not seen him cry since is mum passed away but he is the kind of man that grieves in private).



I don't know what to do. DO I give him this time to sort himself out? Or am I being naive and stupid? I fear that this may be the begining of the end and I can't imagine my life without him in it.



Please help!

[Wakeup]

I know I have been a trial to live with over the past year becasue of various other things going on,

What ails You? Why have you been a "trial to live with?" "What "various other things" have you been up to?

DO I give him this time to sort himself out?

Seems you don't have a choice because he's going whether you want him to or not ~ unless you simply tell him don't come back which by the sound of your fear of being without him, you'd never do. What was your reason for actually marrying if the year leading up to the marriage was such a disaster?

Anyway; I suggest you work on these "things" about yourself that make you a trial to live with and perhaps you'll reconcile when he's less stressed and you're less of a trial.

[HeartIsAching]

I'm also thinking it's important to know why you've been a trial to live with - I think there are things not being said here that are probably important.

It kind of sounds to me as if he's thinking that maybe if you get some space and realize what you're losing, you might put some actual effort into it. Frankly the "I have apologised and begged him to stay" means jack-shit. If he gives in to that, then all you've done is prove that with the right apology and begging, you can go on violating his boundaries all you want.

Perhaps you two need to try some couples counseling.

[smackie9]

My vote is couples counseling too. As you present this to him, you may want to remind him of the wedding vows you presented to each other "to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse......"

[haxan]

At least he is giving it a chance. Make it work...if not, at least you tried. Some separation may help.

[marinegal]

Gah!! I typed out a huge reply and it disappeared. I will try again . .

Thank you everyone for your honest responses.

The year leading up to the wedding was not a disaster per se. We were just dealing with alot of external stresses. He had a car accident 12 months ago and had to give up his dream career in fitness (and therefore change careers), his 15 yo daughter had a baby at the begining of the year, his mother being ill and passing away. Financially things were tight after his accident becasue he wasn't able to work. We were relying on my pay alone and our savings too a hit. We were both stressed and it was just compounding. I think ultimately we have communication issues and couples couselling is on the cards and being organised now.

I have been seeing a psychologist to sort my issues out too which have alot to do with trust & control resulting from a long destructive relationship in my past. This has been a huge wake up call for me and I believe I am making good progress.

He told me today that it was not a matter of "if" he comes home but rather "when". So that is promising.

I didn't want to tell my family (who live in another state) because they adore him and I was worried that they may be mad at him for what he is doing. He is dealing with so much already I didn't want to add that to the mix. I made the mistake of calling my sister the other night because I needed someone to talk to. I asked her not to tell anyone but she did because she was worried about me. Now my family is stressed which is making me stressed. I think I need to book a double appointment with my psyche . . lol

Thanks for listening guys

[Ladybuggg]

How is a separation move,going to hellp your marriage.make no sense to me.to u? Cause last time I check those moves. R often a sign off the divorce section.kind of mentaly adjustment.the list of stuff u told us is a lot in a short time. So I think u guys need lot of time and help to heal. Maybe u 2need to go to a therapist. Cause he may have a affair.cause a normal men would not want his wife with other dudes. Pray about it to God.and dont give up without a fght if. Think its worth it. But both of u neef to make changes for the better.

[IndiReloaded]

Google 'healing separation'. Its a pretty desperate last-ditch attempt to save a marriage tho. Try everything else before moving out. Reconciling is highly unlikely.