I'm falling apart!/Never had a boyfriend, Never will..

[LonelyDaisy]

I feel so depressed that I'm losing my mind. I've never had a boyfriend, I've been trying to find one for years since I've been in high school, but every time I see a guy I like I get rejected.. One day my office had to close down and our staff including myself had to be tranferred to a different office where I met this guy who's now my co-worker. We've been hitting it off and we started dating. We've been dating for 5yrs
(5 wasted years..)and I thought something should soon happen between us, until one evening before New Years Eve he told me the most shocking news.. He told me he's gay.

Now I'm so devastated.. He tried to call me the other day but I didn't answer the phone..
Now I want nothing more to do with him because he broke my heart. He should have told me something like this a long time ago. Now I have nobody.. My closest friends back stab me years ago, my family doesn't give a crap about me.. Now I feel I falling in a bottomless pit, HELP ME...

[bluesummer]

Sorry to hear about your experience.

However, one of the most important lessons I can give you about meeting people is that your attitude and measure of self worth are everything. If you're being depressed and negative, you will not attract anyone (or anyone with desirable traits). Don't wallow in your depression.

[Lite]

So, you're upset that you two have dated for a while and he's decided that he's gay? Wow, aren't you full of yourself.

For one, you're acting entirely too desperate and needy about finding someone to date. It's very offputting and in no way attractive. Secondly you need to learn that if you're not happy living with yourself alone, you won't be happy dating anyone else either.

Talking bad about yourself not only changes the energy you give off to other people in a negative manner, but it also makes you not carry yourself with confidence and the necessary forthright manner needed to attract a worthwhile partner. Either you believe that you are a good and worthwhile person, or you don't. If you don't, you need to work on your self esteem a bit.

[Gribble]

Goddamn. You turned the poor dude queer.

[ecojeanne]

hey lonely, forget about finding a man for a while until you feel better about yourself and what happened. it will take some time to get over this. it's a shock right now but if it makes you feel any better it's obvious he needed time to come to terms with it hense staying with you for so long and that it had nothing to do with you. cheer up, you're rock bottom now but things can only get better.

[Lite]

WOW...you are right about what you saying, when you are talking about the energy....but boy, do you have a way of saying things... I think this girl is already in a lot of pain, and I believe that right now she would appreciate support...

To quote the Dread Pirate Roberts, "Life is pain, anyone who tells you differently is selling something!"

She's attempting to place blame and sadness in places it doesn't belong. Just because a relationship ends, even if the guy ends up being gay, doesn't mean you're in some way a bad person, not worthy of love, or any of that crap. It just means they didn't feel you were a good match for them. Sometimes relationships end without someone to clearly blame for failure, so we don't know what to do with that energy, and we end up directing it inwardly upon ourselves. WHich is what we're witnessing. Directing that much negative energy inward is a bad thing to do, and it doesn't actually help you solve your problems one whit.

[LonelyDaisy]

RE: LITE "So, you're upset that you two have dated for a while and he's decided that he's gay? Wow, aren't you full of yourself.

For one, you're acting entirely too desperate and needy about finding someone to date. It's very offputting and in no way attractive. Secondly you need to learn that if you're not happy living with yourself alone, you won't be happy dating anyone else either."

WOW...you are right about what you saying, when you are talking about the energy....but boy, do you have a way of saying things... I think this girl is already in a lot of pain, and I believe that right now she would appreciate support...

Sorry to hear about your experience.

However, one of the most important lessons I can give you about meeting people is that your attitude and measure of self worth are everything. If you're being depressed and negative, you will not attract anyone (or anyone with desirable traits). Don't wallow in your depression.

RE: LITE "So, you're upset that you two have dated for a while and he's decided that he's gay? Wow, aren't you full of yourself.

For one, you're acting entirely too desperate and needy about finding someone to date. It's very offputting and in no way attractive. Secondly you need to learn that if you're not happy living with yourself alone, you won't be happy dating anyone else either."

WOW...you are right about what you saying, when you are talking about the energy....but boy, do you have a way of saying things... I think this girl is already in a lot of pain, and I believe that right now she would appreciate support...

RE: LITE "So, you're upset that you two have dated for a while and he's decided that he's gay? Wow, aren't you full of yourself.

For one, you're acting entirely too desperate and needy about finding someone to date. It's very offputting and in no way attractive. Secondly you need to learn that if you're not happy living with yourself alone, you won't be happy dating anyone else either."

WOW...you are right about what you saying, when you are talking about the energy....but boy, do you have a way of saying things... I think this girl is already in a lot of pain, and I believe that right now she would appreciate support...

To quote the Dread Pirate Roberts, "Life is pain, anyone who tells you differently is selling something!"

She's attempting to place blame and sadness in places it doesn't belong. Just because a relationship ends, even if the guy ends up being gay, doesn't mean you're in some way a bad person, not worthy of love, or any of that crap. It just means they didn't feel you were a good match for them. Sometimes relationships end without someone to clearly blame for failure, so we don't know what to do with that energy, and we end up directing it inwardly upon ourselves. WHich is what we're witnessing. Directing that much negative energy inward is a bad thing to do, and it doesn't actually help you solve your problems one whit.

I DON'T BELIEVE WHAT I'M READING, WHAT TYPE OF FORUM IS THIS!! YOU CALL THIS TYPE OF RESPONSE SUPPORT? I CALL IT B.S.!! JOINING HERE IS OBVIOUSLY A BIG MISTAKE!! THIS FORUM IS A BIG JOKE, IT'S LIKE BEING ON A FRIGGIN COMEDY SKITT!! I'M NOT GOING TO PLACE ANYMORE POSTS HERE!! YOU PEOPLE HERE ARE PATHETIC!!!!!!!!

[Lite]

I DON'T BELIEVE WHAT I'M READING, WHAT TYPE OF FORUM IS THIS!! YOU CALL THIS TYPE OF RESPONSE SUPPORT? I CALL IT B.S.!! WHY DID I EVEN BOTHER JOINING HERE? THIS FORUM IS A BIG JOKE!! THIS IS THE LAST THREAD I'LL BE PLACING HERE, YOU PEOPLE HERE ARE PATHETIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's called offering real relationship advice instead of platitudes. You posted here about how you were so upset, and how you're so dateless, and pathetic, and that your ex boyfriend is now gay.

I'm sorry if you cannot take our, or my more specifically, advice in an objective and constructive manner. I'm sure you'll see in the future that I'm actually right.

[Muffin Princess]

OK so Lite's first post and Gribble's post could have been a bit less direct in the way they said things, but I also think that Bluesummer, Lovegury, Lite's second post and Ecojeanne were very sympathetic towards you and gave you good advice. So it might not be what you want to hear, but I think it was good advice. You need to learn to love yourself before you can love anyone else, that's very important. I'm sorry to hear what you went through, it must be very hard, but once you learn to love yourself, you will be a lot more attractive to men and you'll meet the right guy for you. Don't give up hope.

[Cain]

How old are you?

Where do you try to meet men? What do men tell you is wrong with you as reason they won't date you?

[Lite]

Look, the pain you're feeling is normal. The background pressure you're putting upon yourself about having your first ever relationship fail (for no reason of yours at all) is a bit loopy. We understand that you're hurting, and pretty much all of us have been in some relationship were we're feeling that desperate for relief of pain.

Him being gay really is no reflection upon you of how datable you are. The fact that you were in a long-term relationship shows that you're serious about someone to spend your life with. What I'm saying in my not-so-kind manner is to relax, take a deep breath, and stand back up on your own two feet. It hurts, it will hurt for a while, and nothing quite stings like the end of your first real relationship.

The rest of what you've posted is pretty much verbatim what I hear from women who have poor luck finding people to date in a chronic manner. Why do you think that is?

[LonelyDaisy]

It's called offering real relationship advice instead of platitudes. You posted here about how you were so upset, and how you're so dateless, and pathetic, and that your ex boyfriend is now gay.

I'm sorry if you cannot take our, or my more specifically, advice in an objective and constructive manner. I'm sure you'll see in the future that I'm actually right.

OH GO TO HELL!! WHOEVER YOU ARE I THINK YOU'RE PATHETIC AND THE REST OF THE MEMBERS ON THIS FORUM..

[Muffin Princess]

OK look, why don't we do what she asks. She came here wanting advice, we gave it to her, but because it wasn't what she wanted to hear, she gets all abusive. This is an advice forum honey, it isn't a place for people to stroke your ego. People are giving advice that will be of a benefit to you. However much you might not want to hear it, it is actually good advice. So ignore it if you want to, but it won't help you get anywhere.

The majority of people in this thread, including me, have tried to be nice to you and tell you that we feel your pain, and yet you come back and tell us that we're all pathetic? Not appreciated sweetie, not appreciated in the slightest.

[Lite]

OH GO TO HELL!! WHOEVER YOU ARE I THINK YOU'RE PATHETIC AND THE REST OF THE MEMBERS ON THIS FORUM..

You know what, congratulations. You've made a good leap from being depressed to angry. And anger is an emotion that you can use to affect change in your life. IF you want to be angry at me, and use that energy to better yourself. Have at it.

But at least you're not depressed.

Personally I don't care what you think of me, it affects my day, my life, and my world view in no way at all. Your opinion of me or my patheticness is insignificant.

You lack perspective right now, and that's actually very normal. In my experience the biggest impediment to perspective I've ever found is depression and sadness. Because, at that point nothing is more important or real to me than those feelings, at least until they're not. But now you're attacking everyone else, when it's really me you're angry at. Look, they're not likely to pet your hair and tell you that it'll be OK, that My Little Pony will soon be back on TV and your world view will be righted, you'll be vindicated as a martyr, and ever guy will want to jump you as soon as you stop looking like a raccoon from crying.

Do yourself a favor, stay angry instead. You'll make far better progress in healing that way.

[ecojeanne]

it's ok lonely to take your anger out here, i'm not offended. i know how it feels to have loved someone and feel angry. i hope you feel better soon *hugs*