Over-shot the landing field maybe?

[Mr. Turtle]

Okay, so here is the deal.

I met this woman a few months ago. We are co-workers and its a cardinal rule of mine never to develop feelings for co-workers. Let alone friends. I have also been out of the game since being divorced and have been single for almost 3 years now. Half-content, but I think we know the deal. It plain sucks having an empty bed. Hell, I dont even sleep anymore. Anyway, here goes...

So I met her a couple of months ago and we were working the day shift. Things started to get pretty interesting as we have both been through our fair share of crap. She just out of a bad relationshit of course and me only attracting girls with toolbag boyfriends, where I end up becoming the emotional tampon. Go figure. After a few weeks of us getting to know little things about each other, there was a lot of physical contact, in the sort of her brushing up against me (when there was clearly space, hugging me from behind and the sort. Half-weird stuff for someone who may or may not have an interest in me. But, I switched shifts and started working only weekends and nights. A few months of this had gone by without us even seeing each other let alone talking. A few months ago, we saw each other when she worked a weekend shift which I thought was rather odd, but whatever. Her immediate response when I walked in the door however suggested that she did indeed "miss" the company. More seperation, maybe another 2 months.

Recently however, we have been in contact almost every day due to some things going on in the shop and there being a lack of manpower. (YES! Just because she is awesome, so I thought/think/I dont know.) The past month or two we have been really talking about life and stuff and just what is going on. Well, I was looking for an apartment and for some reason there was a lot of interest on her part as to where I was moving and if I had gotten one. I sort of just looked at it as just an interest in what was going on and nothing more. Turns out as per usual, she has some toolbag boyfriend. So I killed whatever thoughts I was developing and moved about my usual practice of girl-gazing and talk, indescriminate of who was there when I spoke of them, she being there more often than not when I did.

Well things started to get a little akward and she seemed to be gravitating towards me. And while I again started to develop feelings, I thought it just a mere proximity sort of affection. Then she started to complain about how her TB-BF treated her. I tried to encourage her to be more assertive and motivated as she is a single mum. But it only got worse and I became the guy she spilled to. She hit a rough patch and allegedly he cheated on her. Broken up and dis-heartened, I stupidly tried to keep her motivated. A genuine concern for her and her being a mum and all, I had some extra gear to get rid of to help her out so I gave it to her. I can honestly say however, I would have done the same for her as any human being as I have done so in the past. But I will not contest the fact that of all the generousity in my past, I actually felt human and alive when I helped her. So that in part is enough for me to feel settled with the 'exchange' which I will explain here.

So post her 'break-off' with her TB-BF, I showed up at her apartment at a pre-arranged time to drop off the gear and the like. To my surprise, she was not only half wasted, but with the TB-BF. Having gone through this numerous times, it was to be expected. Slightly annoyed, I dropped the idea of whatever things I may or may not have wanted with her and just kept to the generousity. When it was all said and done and the gear where it needed to be, I motioned to leave, but she threw her arms around me in what I would like to think was just mere gratitude. But when I ended the hug, she chased me down and repeated. "Okay, okay you're welcome, but I've got to go." to which she responded something to the effect "Dude, I try to hug you and you just pull away."
(Quick rewind: A week or two prior to this, we had a conversation about relationships and I said that I was not able to date due to a debt I have with karma, blah blah blah. And that I just am not good at social things with women [hence Im in a forum, go figure.] and the like. She expressed severe and noticeable interest as to why I thought that way. Again general concern on a 'friend' level, possibly. She then said that she was somewhat in the same boat because she throws up walls and finds a reason to run.)
Fast forward, push play: I responded with a casual, "I just have to go." To which she replied "NO!" Very assertively. Hugged me again and wouldnt let go. I tried to squirm out again and she looked at me in that way right before you kiss someone and I grabbed her shoulders and told her to "get some rest, tomorrows a new day, yes?" She leaned in kissed my jaw [I'm taller than she] which I THINK was a friendly thing, and hugged me again. I AGAIN tried to move but she insisted and so I gave in and held her. NOW, I am not a kook, BUT, I felt like she felt safe and so I held it for a long moment and returned the effort. Got in the car and drove my happy ass 3 hours in the opposite direction from her. (Work related.)

That night, like a moron, I texted her to make sure she was okay. She replied yes and that was all. Again, said if she needed anything to let me know. The following morning, I called work to see when another co-worker was working and of course she answered the phone to my surprise and I was pissy because that co-worker wasnt working all weekend. She [the main girl here] asked if everything was okay and I said yes blah blah blah. I showed up to work as per usual and thought nothing of the night prior. She brought it up and I simply told her not to become some drunk floozy as a resort to dealing with 'said heart-ache,' although I am sure of this outcome. I mentioned I was on my way to the city and she kept expressing that she hoped she hadnt screwed my night. I told her nevermind and she was overly interested in whether or not I would be back soon. I said I would be returning that night. She smiled and I left.

Sorry its so long, but my question is simple. To ride the wave or not to ride the wave. Clearly she is back with her TB-BF as she stated it in casual conversation about something else when I showed up the next day to which I skipped over it and continued with the conversational tract. But I stupidly caught feelings and now I'm stuck. Do I walk away or do I ride the wave or do I express my interest? Thanks in advance for the insight. FLAMING IS MORE THAN WELCOME AND ECOURAGED.

Nice guys finish last,
Mr. Turtle

[IndiReloaded]

Bump b/c of the weekend.

My 0.02 is that work relationships are a bad idea and this gal is complicated. You need nice and clean at this point in your life. I would use this experience as a sign you are ready to date again and forget this one. Go forth and find women who evoke less drama.

[lahnnabell]

You are her proverbial emotional tampon and nothing more. She's got a tool bag she keeps going back to which means she has very little self-respect. You don't want to be with this mess of a girl right now. She's blinding you with all the attention because she wants YOUR attention. She needs attention to feel okay with herself. I promise you that you're not missing out on anything great here. You've already been pushed and shoved around enough by her. What could possibly make her so alluring that you'll keep doing this to yourself?

[Mr. Turtle]

You are her proverbial emotional tampon and nothing more. She's got a tool bag she keeps going back to which means she has very little self-respect. You don't want to be with this mess of a girl right now. She's blinding you with all the attention because she wants YOUR attention. She needs attention to feel okay with herself. I promise you that you're not missing out on anything great here. You've already been pushed and shoved around enough by her. What could possibly make her so alluring that you'll keep doing this to yourself?

Its a question that plagues me still. I mean it seems that every girl I am interested in has this sort of half-assed boyfriend. Dont get me wrong, I think she is a pretty strong person as far as her personal mum life goes. And maybe THAT is what draws me to her. The girl has got some serious fight in her. But then on the flip side of the coin, its like you said, very little self respect. And I see that, in numerous girls around my area and the ones who are especially drawn to me, but again, I get stuck with the emotional side and never anything more than something to spill all over. I am not asking to get something physical out of her, but the respect of maybe a given chance to see if something could develop. As far as me continuing to do this to myself, I dont think I really am. I had already started to pull back here and continue about my menial days. Just dont want to end up a hermit. But, then again, I guess life would be much less plainful in some aspects. I think I should just leave the pitch altogether. But everytime I try, some girl-friend of mine gets all pissy and draws me back in, professing I'm not washed up. But I am.

[lahnnabell]

Sounds like you have a touch of white night syndrome. You wanna be this girl's savior in a way. Look at how much you've already done to help her, and all she's done is played with your emotions. She knows you're interested and is still perfectly content to string you along while she dates this loser.

Regardless of how much you've pulled back, you're still invested. Otherwise you wouldn't be on here posting your confusion. Right?

Quit making excuses for your behavior. It's not gonna turn this situation around. What are you really expecting here? That it'll suddenly dawn on her that she's wanted you all along and she'll drive to your house to declare it? She's got a guy that treats her like crap, and she's using you for a little extra attention on the side. She's a mess.

[IndiReloaded]

There's a sticky for Shining Knight Syndrome in the main section of the forum. There used to be anyway.

[Mr. Turtle]

Right. I shouldnt be making excuses or justifying my stupidity. I just think I needed to hear it from other people. People who dont know me and can see it for what it is. I talk about girls to friends and when I find that the girl(s) I am interested in are retarded---not really interested rather---I forget it. But, my friends tell me I am a hermit and not letting things progress. Love them dearly, but they too are retarded sometimes. You say she knows I am interested, but how? Maybe that is a question I need answered. At what point does a girl figure it out? I talk to plenty of girls that I have no real interest in and it seems like they get that. Havent been able to figure out what the difference in action is as I think I approach girls the same way, indescriminate of intention. Shining knight, I dont think I need to read the sticky to figure out what a dumbass I am here now that you mention it. Yes, honestly, there is/was a piece of me that made me feel like a savior.

0wn3d

[lahnnabell]

Girls "figure it out" the moment you start doing things for them. Dropping stuff by their houses, engaging them in conversation, etc. She would not have been so ballsy to try and kiss you otherwise. She's pretending that she doesn't know about your feelings to manipulate you into giving her more attention. Trust me, it's not that hard to tell when a guy is interested.

[Mr. Turtle]

You make so much sense. Well put. So I should just go about my way and drop the issue. And if she pursues, its nothing more than her trying to regain attention. On a gamble though, what if (which is a stupid what if) she actually comes out and puts it all on the table? What then? Just keep my stride, or entertain the thought?

[IndiReloaded]

Entertain what thought? It will still be a fantasy on your part. Don't be her faux boyfriend, there is nothing in it for you. Unless she agrees to sleep with you. Then you should go for it.

[lahnnabell]

This girl doesn't respect you at all if she thinks that she's doing you a favor by throwing you her emotional table scraps. Even if she did come around and lay it all out, would you really wanna deal with this BS? The mom side of her that you like so much obviously isn't too much of a priority if she's willing to get caught up in all this drama.

[Mr. Turtle]

I feel like a damn ground hog. But instead of going to check this one out...F*** it. I'm stayin put and not wasting my time anymore. Much respect. You're points are EXACTLY what I needed to hear.