The Ex in the closet!!!

[Dasein]

Hi all,

I am a newbie and looking for some outside advice.

I have a partner and we have been together for over a year now. He is the man of my dreams. I am 33 and he is 39.

He would like for me to move in with him and indeed I spend most nights at his place.

My problem is this. He has almost an entire wardrobe worth of his ex girlfriends clothes in his closet.
At first it didn’t really bother me but he keeps saying he will remove them but doesn’t.

It has been such a long time and he STILL hasn’t got rid of the clothes always sighting that he is too lazy to get around to it.

He does have financial ties with this woman (they own a property together). I have tried ignoring this, asking nicely, asking forcefully, having a bit of a tantrum and still nothing.

I don’t want to go ahead boxing all of my things up if he simply can’t get rid of some clothes (and believe me I NEED that wardrobe).

I guess what I am asking is..I am overreacting when I get upset that her clothes are still there? I was listening to a radio station the other day and a girl got upset at her current boyfriend because some nail polish remover from the ex was in the house.

[Mish]

I think it's a legitimate complaint. Have you already moved in with him and that's why you need the closet space? If yes, since he said he will remove them, I would just remove her clothes into a box myself and put mine in. If you haven't moved in yet then I would hint at doing the above when you are there. His angle is practicality not emotional attachment, this would work from the same angle of practicality.

[Citycat]

Funny name of the topic and ava too!
Woman, you have every right to be angry. Do you really have to move in with him, can't you find another place on a neutral territory, so that when he moves in there doesn't bring his ex's shit in it? If not, do what Misha said.

[shh!]

Tell him so long as all those clothes are in the closet, there is no room for you to move in. If he wants you to move in badly enough, he'll get rid of the clothes. Necessity is the mother of all invention, even motivation.

[Dasein]

I think it's a legitimate complaint. Have you already moved in with him and that's why you need the closet space? If yes, since he said he will remove them, I would just remove her clothes into a box myself and put mine in. If you haven't moved in yet then I would hint at doing the above when you are there. His angle is practicality not emotional attachment, this would work from the same angle of practicality.

Ok the situation is that I have been staying at his place for over 2 months now. I have a unit of my own but I have clothes at both his and my place.

Every time I mention the clothes I get.."I am going to clean it out this week"...its like the person who is going on a diet TOMORROW and never does.

It is now quite a delicate issue. I feel that if I ask one more time he will explode and if he doesn't clean it out I will explode.

I also feel quite hurt and I have expressed this, that if something upset him that much I would immediately do something to remedy it.

I guess I needed validation that I am not over reacting and that other women would also find this unacceptable. I mean I didn't react when I saw her left over tampons in the bathroom

We have been looking at other places to live together but at the moment money is a factor and that probably won't be an option..rent prices have increased dramatically.

Thanks everyone for contributing

[Mish]

I guess I needed validation that I am not over reacting and that other women would also find this unacceptable. I mean I didn't react when I saw her left over tampons in the bathroom

Left over tampons in the bathroom? How long since they broke up again? I think that's, strange.

Since you are already there I'd just pack it all out myself. But then again, I'm a shit stirer.

[1averagejoe]

How long after he broke up with his ex did he get with you?

I'd be worried about more than just those clothes to be honest. The fact that he hasn't gotten ridden of them could mean more than he's just a lazy ass that needs his mom to tell him to do something. I'd be worried that he still is emotionally attached to her, and holding on to those clothes is his way of holding onto her.

[Dasein]

They had been broken up a year before we met. The tampons were no biggie because they were way down the back of a bathroom draw that never gets opened.

I also had thoughts about the holding on to her. I can't quite see why other than the money issue (he owes her and I think he is treading carefully). I have the privilege of knowing that she isn't that attractive, is 18 years his senior, wears grandma clothes and that he cared for her but wasn't "in love". Ohh that last bit makes me sound soo bitchy

[misombra]

i keep misreading the title of this thread as sex in the closet.

it sounds so much better that way i think.

[1averagejoe]

Ohh that last bit makes me sound soo bitchy

And very immature.

So once again, how old are you?

[Dasein]

And very immature.

So once again, how old are you?

Oh Joe cmon and lighten up. It was said very tongue in cheek.

[1averagejoe]

Oh Joe cmon and lighten up. It was said very tongue in cheek.

I know I'm an old grouch for someone my age.


Stupid kids...wait I am one. lol

[shh!]

They had been broken up a year before we met. The tampons were no biggie because they were way down the back of a bathroom draw that never gets opened.

I also had thoughts about the holding on to her. I can't quite see why other than the money issue (he owes her and I think he is treading carefully). I have the privilege of knowing that she isn't that attractive, is 18 years his senior, wears grandma clothes and that he cared for her but wasn't "in love". Ohh that last bit makes me sound soo bitchy

Why are you interested in a guy who has so much unresolved baggage? Are you a knight in shining armour?

BTW - I doubt he told her all those bitchy things when he was fcuking her...

[Dasein]

Why are you interested in a guy who has so much unresolved baggage? Are you a knight in shining armour?

BTW - I doubt he told her all those bitchy things when he was fcuking her...

Everyone has baggage. Whether you are mending a broken heart, overcoming divorce, have children, money issues etc etc. It is just the degree to which you can handle it that should be considered.

My partner is kind, caring, loving and the best relationship I have ever had. This issue is just the pebble in the shoe if we are using anaolgies and I just needed some validation.

When you consider the number of bad relationships out there then I really have no complaints.

[shh!]

I don't think many women rush in to get themselves entangled with a guy who owes his ex money. It doesn't reflect well on a guy's character that A) he lacks the motivation to do something so simple as to move unused clothing out of a house to make the person he supposedly loves happy, and B) he would date a much older woman, take her money, break off with her, and then tell people she was unattractive, wore "grandma" clothing, and that he never loved her.

Has it never occurred to you that he might be using you, and that after he gets what he can, he will leave you? And to add insult to injury, he will tell people unflattering things about you?

I'd be careful with this one... something tells me he's not the prince you imagine...