So I'm in a situation

[Warhawk]

So my girlfriend and I broke up a few weeks ago. To be more specific, she broke up with me. I asked her what the reason was for and she just said "I don't think we were going to work out".

I'm going to be completely honest, I am not perfect. This past Christmas, I went onto facebook and noticed I had a message in my inbox, turns out it was my girlfriend who was logged in and she was messaging some guy saying he was cute. I told her that I seen it and she said she would never do it again. Well since then she gave me her password and I am aware that I shouldn't be looking at her facebook but I kept looking just to make sure. The most recent event was she started to talk to someone she works with, telling him to take the same shifts, and just being very flirtatious. I confronted her about it and she basically just got really mad and denied that she liked him. One day, she went to the club, danced with a guy and she told me about it and I said that's cool. I asked who it was and she said Sean, couldn't even give me a last name. So I get even more suspicious, find out that it was the guy from work and she lied to me about who she danced with. Eventually I got it out of her. A few days after she danced with him she broke up with me.

So to me it feels like she waited until someone else came along. I feel used, and unwanted. She still lives with me, but is looking for another apartment. She says she likes him, but she isn't going to be with him or anything. She works with him everyday, joined football and so happens he plays football too, calls him all the time...ect. So I feel like she is leaving me for someone else. It has happened to me my past two relationships.

So that's my situation, I find it helps when I talk about it and get advice on what to do next. I read a lot about, not ignoring her but not messaging her unless she messages me. Although it seems like when she messages me she only wants something, to borrow money, a drive somewheres..ect I am a wholeheartedly a genuine guy who does anything for anyone. And especially since I really love this girl, I would do anything. I know I can't make my self so available, but it's just not in my nature to be a dick. I have been trying to deny her the use of my computer and rides then she says I'm being a dick.

I have never felt this way before, sure I have liked the girls I was with before, but this girl is different. She made me feel really good about my self. And when she did show love it went straight to my heart and gave me this unique feeling. We'd be hanging out at a friends and we just look at each other and I would just feel this warmth inside me. Just all of that lovey dovey feelings I got from her. My past break ups, I got over pretty quick. But for some reason I can't let this one go. I don't care that she likes someone else, and I don't care that she lied. I know many of you will say she is not worth my time, because many people have. Trust me, I know being liar isn't a great quality in a person but I do believe it's just a form of immaturity. I'm 21 and she's 19 so there is still a bit of growing up to do.

So what have I done so far?
- I deleted her number from my phone, and wrote it down so I wouldn't forget it. Although this does not help since I wrote it down, I actually remembered it.
- For the first while, I would still message her everyday, but now I am able to only message her when she messages me (few exceptions)
- Since she still technically lives her, I would go a few days with out talking to her then she will come home, and I would tell her how I felt every time I did see her. I know it only pushes her away, but I'm a really sensitive/emotional guy and just care for her so much.
- Last night, I got way to drunk and basically made a fool of my self asking her to come home.
- When we first broke up, I couldn't eat anything and lost over 10lbs. Although now I am sorta back to regular eating habits.

What she has done so far?
- We broke up, the same night we still had sex. And another time after that.
- She still says she cares about me (Although I kinda feel like she does a lot of this stuff to make me feel better)
- When she does come home we sleep in the same bed still, and she asks me to cuddle her. And I do.
- She had a graduation ceremony she ask me to come, I went to show my support (a female companion said I should do it if I want her back) after the graduation we came home, she grabbed some stuff to sleep at her friends and she kissed me goodbye.
- Last night, after I texted her a few times while being drunk, she called me and I do think she said she missed me. But I was almost black out drunk. She hasn't texted me back yet and it's 3pm now the next day.

She isn't a bad person and I don't want any of you to think that I am trying to make her look like one. I do realize some of the things she has done isn't fair to me. But like I said, this girl is really special to me. I never made this much attempt to research information, ask for help and advice or really want to get back with my ex. I apologize for the length of this thread, and I am sure I left out key information, I just can't think straight.

As I said, I am not perfect but I am willing to make a few changes for my self and for her. I really want her back. I read somewhere that she needs time to "reboot" her system and forget the negative aspects of the break up, and remember the good. Our relationship wasn't bad, we have so many great fun memories. I am sure that if I can keep my act together, she is going to miss me. I never meant to make her feel guilty, and I don't want her to feel guilty. I just want her to realize what she is missing.What should I do? What advice can you give me? If you need more information please just ask. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

[Rhainnonxx]

this other guy probably isnt a threat so quickly after a relationship. just dont contact her at all act like your fine without her when you do have to see her. she only acts so non chalant because she knows that she can and you will still be there. she will be missing you, and i can bet if she is still seeing the other guy that she is comparing him to you. you just have to have faith. and stay strong!!!
read this... [url=http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/no-contact-rule-46556.html]No Contact Rule.[/url]

and in the end no contact will only make you happier no matter what it leads to.

Stop giving her rides, computer-time, sex, cuddling, all of it!!! you dont have to be mean about it, but you arnt her boyfriend anymore you dont owe her anything. she wants those things because when she misses you it makes her feel like you guys are still together, but then your enabling her to move on without all the sad parts. you want her to miss you!!

[Warhawk]

Hey, thanks for the reply. Yeah, right now if she is comparing him to me, I'm just a mess and have to pull it together. I mean I am in a happy mood right now, just jammed out on the guitar. I have a direction in life, I'm a certified commercial pilot, just I don't have a job right now and still have to finish my IFR rating. Not saying this guy is not going anywhere in life, but a pilot is very prestigious career path.

Other information I forgot to mention is that we've been together for over 8 months, and she broke up with me a few days after my birthday lol

And it is true the no contact rule will only make you happier in the end no matter where it leads to, I just really hope it leads us back together.

[smackie9]

How old are you?

[Warhawk]

I am 21 years of age as of May 30. Also she just called me to tell me about her football game. I answered and was being blunt. Should I just not talk to her or?

[smackie9]

I'm going to say some pretty hash s hit here for I feel you need to snap out of this.

This is the big issue here. You keep making the same mistakes so this cycle keeps repeating it's self. Why? because you are a push over, weakling, a sucker. For that, these past GFs and your ex take advantage of you. She knows how to play you....yes she is playing you. She knows that you will cave into her demands if she calls you a dick....that's pretty easy to do and it seems to work every time don't it?. She plays you with cuddling, says nice things just to make sure she still has a bed to sleep in, etc. Every time you tell her how much you love her blah blah blah, that just confirms to her that she has you wrapped around her pinkie finger. You are a god damn fool.

Ok advice time....
#1, saying no is not being a dick. If you want to earn any kind of respect from anyone, stop bending over backwards to please people all the time.
#2, a relationship should be a give and take, not a give give give.
#3, in order to stop this cycle of being a total push over, the girl should EARN your affection, etc. It's not being a jerk, it shows you have some self worth, and people DO respect that.
#4, You cannot buy affection from doing favors, loaning or giving money etc.
#5, There is such thing as being TOO nice. Girls like a challenge, it's in their nature to be competitive, so if you do everything for them, there's no challenge, they lose interest and go ASTRAY! Sound familiar?
#6, nice guys finish last. I'm not saying you should be a a sshole, I'm suggesting you tone it down. To keep a girl wanting you, there needs to be a balance of giving attention, and not giving attention.
#7 Yes she is 19 and nowhere near ready to be tied down in a relationship. She is now drinking age, she's more down for the club action, and loving the attention she is getting. Many dudes in your position have been dumped once the old GF turns 19.

Enough is enough. Kick her ass out. She is using you. Maybe if you showed you had some balls she might find some respect for you but as for now she doesn't and prob never will. Stop being a door mat, it's not very becoming of you.

[o6e3jbio]

Real talk from smackie9. You're 21. You've got you're whole life ahead of you. If you have self respect and be strong you're not being an asshole or a jerk, you're being a better person. Girls will flock to you if you work at being a better human being before you work at being a better person for someone else. This girl is important to you but you need to let go and explore life. Someday you may come back together and realize shes a good person but right not you can't afford to let her influence anything. Hang in there.

[Warhawk]

Very blunt and straight to the point. But you are right. I know what I have to do. Moving on is a simple thing, what it leaves behind is hard.

Thanks guys for the advice. I think I know what I have to do. Just stupid how the world works. You'd think always being nice is something someone would want.