We're 8 months into our relationship. We have a lot (and I mean a LOT) of fights, primarily because she plays these mind games and I don't give in. Ultimately she runs away, upset and angry, and I have no choice but to chase after her and be all like, "okay okay, I'm sorry," and give in.

Last night, to make yet another relationship recovery, I went out and got flowers and made a genuine apology (even though I honestly don't believe I have anything to apologize for). During our recovery talk, I called her out and said these little girly immature mind games have to stop, she laid a lot of things out straight for me that she has never said directly before. These include:

1) "It's a mans role to just do what the woman says, that's just how it works. Women have it more together than men, just accept it."
2) "I would never say 'I want to be with you' to anyone unless the guy didn't say it and want it first; love isn't necessary for me. The only reason we're getting back together is because you want to. If you didn't want to, I wouldn't come after you, but don't take that personally, because I won't go after anyone, that's just how I am."
3) When I said, "uh...that's really cold...," she said, "yeah, I know, I get that from everyone I know."
4) "Wanting to spend time with other people means you don't want to spend time with me, so being with me means you can't go out."
5) "I want you to do this and that." Her main thing, for reasons unknown really, is, "I want you to read more books, about anything, just read books." So I said, "alright then, if I think of something I want for you to do, could I ask you?" Her response was basically "hell no," but when I argued that that's a little ridiculous and selfish, she said, "well okay, let me know when you think of something and we'll talk about it."

As a guy, I'm starting to feel kind of disgusted with myself because I feel like our roles are reversed, I'm the girl and she is the guy. She's the one with a way better job (granted, she is a bit older), she works late nights, comes home, and I'm the one that's like, "where were you?" And she's the one who just goes, "whatever, don't question me about every movement I make," when if I ever said even something remotely close to that level of direct or mean, it would be the instant end of the relationship. She doesn't cook or do anything in the house. I'm no Iron Chef, but let's just say I've cooked more meals for her than she has cooked for me. I don't believe in the traditional roles that says the girl has to be in the kitchen all day, but it's starting to make me wonder if this setup isn't going to damage my self-esteem and make me unable to man up to non-relationship situations in the future (work, etc.).

Basically, this latest fight arose when I got an e-mail from an old group of high school friends (2 girls and 1 guy, we were a really tight group) who are getting together in another city (roughly would cost about $300 to get there). I was excited, really, to hear from these old friends. Of course, I wanted to meet them. Merely bringing up the subject to her caused this whole storm of hell.

"When are you going? Who are these people? You want to go and be away from me, is that it? You didn't ask if I wanted to go, why do you want to go alone so bad?"

The important thing is, the conversation succumbed to that level merely 60 seconds after I even brought it up --- I didn't put forward an actual plan, or actually say that I was planning on going. I didn't ask if she wanted to go in the first 60 seconds because I'm not even sure *I'M* going.

I kind of hit my limit and instead of blowing up in anger like I wanted to, walked away from the situation in silence. I'm not the blowing up type, but 8 months of this has smothered me to the point of being easy to snap when she further seems to be smothering me. Anyway, I walked away. Boy, she blew up so hard in response to my NOT blowing up, I think she would have preferred me to actually explode on her.

The next day she sends a text message detailing exactly why it is wrong for me to go see my friends. Keep in mind, it's not just not to her liking, it's like a morally wrong choice in her eyes, that indicates that I don't care for her, etc. Basically, her only reasoning/argument was that she asked a guy friend for advice and he said I was in the wrong --- only explanations I can think of here is she told him an exaggerated story, or he wants to bone her so of course he's going to side with her.

But then this sentence, at the end of the message, was the ultimate killer for me that has since got me questioning this entire relationship:

"If you have that kind of money to spend on just going to see friends, you should be saving that money to spend on me."

Not once since we began dating have I made her pay for a penny --- I spend no less than $500 a month on just keeping her happy, everything from the super duper fancy restaurant I have promised to take her to once a month to the average bottle of water, I have covered it ALL.

Normally, like I said, I usually just walk away from the BS or give in and apologize, but this time, I blew up. I couldn't handle that kind of ingratitude. It's not like I have been paying her way in order to GAIN her gratitude, but when I see such blatant and direct ingratitude, yeah, I went ape on her.

Suffice it to say, I demanded an apology from her. She wouldn't apologize because she said, I "took it wrong," so I gave her a chance to correct what she said or put another spin on it or explain it further. Ultimately she said, what she meant was that "it's suspicious to spend that much money on other people."

Although I disagree --- it's not like we're married sharing the same money; it's my own money that I've made; etc. --- I just accepted her explanation and now we're back together.

I was in a three year relationship before this one, and ultimately I just had to leave it because the girl was doing the exact same kinds of things --- "you just have to do what I say, that's just how it works," etc. This kind of agreement, the complete lack of 50/50 power (it's more like 10/90), just really doesn't work for me, is what I think I've discovered about myself. Ultimately, though, from the last girl, I got an apology about a year later saying she now realizes how crazy and controlling she was.

However, two major relationships in a row with the girls saying pretty much the same things and doing the same things...Plus when I look at my dad, an ex-military macho man, yeah...he pretty much just does exactly what my mom tells him, apologizes when she gets angry, etc.

Since the goal of dating seriously for me is to find someone to marry, am I pretty much signing myself up for years and years of unhappy marriage if I continue with this person? Is the world of marriage really so bleak that every guy just simply HAS to become a drone in order to keep his wife/girl happy? I realize it's naive to hold on to hope that maybe one day this person will open her heart to me completely and not be so cold, but is it naive enough to say I should end the relationship? Is it really that hopeless?

This is probably relevant on some kind of psychological level, but she is a single mother who was beaten and abandoned by her ex-husband. She never sought any kind of councelling over it (which I think is a mistake). I'm sure this has contributed somewhat to her cold-hearted attitude.