Hello,
I’m 32 and have a long story to tell, will try to abbreviate whenever possible but here goes. I have been dating a girl (8 years younger than me) for 11 months.
Pretty much since day one she has lied to me about all things. Some brief examples are: She would claim that a guy friend was just that, a guy friend and never has been anything else to her. I would later find out that these supposed guy friends were all ex-boyfriends that she still liked to keep in touch with. I have my doubts on what exactly “keeping in touch with” means. But that fact that she wasn’t honest about them up front bothers me.
She also has a daughter, this is relevant to the lies part because she had this daughter at 19 years old by lying to her boyfriend about being on birth control so she could get pregnant. She to this day has never been honest with him and swears to him that she was on the pill at the time. Within the first month of us dating she told me over the phone, “I have something to tell you.” Long story short, she was pregnant. She claimed it was her last boyfriend’s baby, and that she had already had an abortion the previous month but something went wrong and they missed the baby. She had already scheduled another abortion, but wanted to be honest with me. I was taken back, but respected her honesty and didn’t hold any hard feelings. She had the second abortion without any problems.
At the time that she and I started dating, I was going through a divorce. My wife and I had very peacefully split up, and were filing for a no contest divorce. We had to do all the legwork; separating the houses, cars, back accounts, IRA’s all that good stuff. Then we could file for the no contest divorce, and be done with it. My girlfriend would constantly give me a hard time that I wasn’t divorced and said I was not putting her first. This went on for a few months before I finally told her, “Listen, you knew I was still married when we started dating. You’re not accepting me for who I am. I’m working on the divorce as best as I can and would appreciate you understanding that. I understood when you told me about your abortion and have never given you a hard time”. Well she lost it, told me I have no right to compare this to the abortion. Not only did she have to kill that baby once, she had to kill it twice. I felt terrible and apologized.
Not long after that, my girlfriend invited me to the bar with her friends. I went and was sitting at the bar with her when she said she had to go to the bathroom. After several minutes I wondered where she was and looked behind me to see her standing holding another man’s hand. I was confused to say the least, and asked her about it when she came back. She proceeded to tell me that she was not honest about her earlier “repeat” abortion. She had the first successful abortion, but then the next month became pregnant with this guys baby. She was telling him at the time and that’s why she was holding his hand. I was hurt, because I was lied to and deceived because she made me feel terrible for something that was a lie. She didn’t have to kill a baby twice, she killed two babies.
The one positive thing I can say about the relationship is we had amazing chemistry. Sex was frequent, and amazing. She was very affectionate and physically made me feel good. Emotionally I felt like crap because of being constantly lied to.
Her daughter is a brat, and my girlfriend has no control over her. She also has no interest in taking control, because as she says, “she’s 3, she’ll grow out of it.” She applies this to everything her daughter does. We were the couple that everyone stared at in disbelief when out in public with her daughter. I often wanted to go up to people and say, “it’s not my kid, and if it was you can believe she would not be acting this way.”
Basically this was our relationship. 11 months of hurt, lies, deceit, and dealing with one spoiled rotten kid. We’ve been broken up for 4 months now. However, she still swears that she loves me and has learned from her past mistakes. I still catch her in lies. I know she was a bad person for me, I saw it, my family and friends saw it. However that damn chemistry gets me every time. There is something about this girl that gets me every time. I know I shouldn’t believe her, but I always find myself giving her the benefit of the doubt. I firmly believe she is a compulsive liar. Has anyone had any experience with a person like this? And what’s wrong with me to keep getting sucked into such a horrible person’s lies and ways of control?
Thanks all who took the time to read this, I know it was long but trust me it could have been so much longer.