College and drinking.

[blue toxin]

I'm a little lost here, guys. In short, my girlfriend and I have been together for 4 and a half years. She's about to start her second year of college. Before she started college, her parents didn't really let her do much. Due to that, when she got to college and was exposed to a whole new world, she enjoyed every moment of it - and every drop of it. For the first semester, she went out a lot and would drink pretty heavily. When second semester rolled around, she cut back severely, for a few reasons. For one, she began to realize she's in college for academic study; her future, and she's not there to drink. Also, she nearly messed up. When I say nearly, she was downright drunk, and got herself into a bad situation, but luckily took charge and got out of it right away. But still, that worried me.

This year I'm not sure what to think. One side of me wants her to stop drinking, another side says she learned her lesson and she can be a responsible drinker. I mean, as I said, once second semester hit, she would be lucky to have 2 beers a week outside of her dorm room. When I say outside of her dorm room, I mean actually going out somewhere. She likes to sit at her desk and enjoy a Corona while she types up a research paper or watches a movie - that sort of thing. I'm perfectly fine with that, I just want her to know when to stop when she's out - Which as I said, one side of me says no drinking period, another says her nearly goofing up was more than enough to scare her into being responsible. Since then, which is nearly a year now, she has given me no reason not to believe this.

Help me out guys. Am I being too hard on her by saying she needs to stop drinking all together? What should I do? Should I allow her to have a few drinks while she's out somewhere, as long as she knows when to stop? Just fill me in on what you think you would do in this situation...

[Sami09]

i think you are being to hard on her come on. It seen like she pretty much

drop getting drunk dont expect or to not go out and drink sometimes she in

college. she did understand waht she did and almost fault i think if anything you

should give her credit.

[vashti]

I don't think it is your place to tell her to stop drinking. You are her boyfriend, not her parent. Honestly, I am concerned about phrases such as "Should I allow her..." - I hope you can see how extremely inappropriate it is for you to presume you should allow (or not allow) anything at all.

I think it IS appropriate for you to tell her you do not care to date a girl who drinks excessively, and I think it is fine for you to break things off if she engages in behavior you don't care for.

What she has gone through is relatively common, and it sounds like she has learned her lesson. That being the case, I don't know why you are making this a problem. Maybe you are leaving out some vital information?

[misombra]

I don't think it is your place to tell her to stop drinking. You are her boyfriend, not her parent. Honestly, I am concerned about phrases such as "Should I allow her..." - I hope you can see how extremely inappropriate it is for you to presume you should allow (or not allow) anything at all.

I think it IS appropriate for you to tell her you do not care to date a girl who drinks excessively, and I think it is fine for you to break things off if she engages in behavior you don't care for.

What she has gone through is relatively common, and it sounds like she has learned her lesson. That being the case, I don't know why you are making this a problem. Maybe you are leaving out some vital information?

i agree. what makes you think you're going to stop her from drinking?

[blue toxin]

No, I assure you I left no vital information out. And as far as what Vashti said, I didn't use that tone or those phrase of words with her whatsoever. I've been telling her ever since she started drinking I didn't like it. After the little woopsie she nearly had, she took it upon herself to change her ways, but she also came to realize WHY I didn't like it in the first place.

I'm not her parent, I'm aware of that, and I do everything in my power to keep that from happening. What I'm trying to do is assure you guys I didn't talk to her like a dad... I did exactly what Vashti said WHEN I actually spoke to her.

I don't know. Maybe I'm just fearful it will happen again? Meh.. I don't know why... she means well and I know she loves me too much to do that. Arg, you guys are right. I'm dwelling on something that's not even justified.

[King Zarathu]

Am I being too hard on her by saying she needs to stop drinking all together? What should I do?

Yes. I think that should be reserved for one of the following:
-She gets angry when she drinks and wants to fight.
-She turns into a whore and starts ****ing all kinds of different guys--at the same time.
-She becomes as moody as she gets when she's on her period.

However, just because she likes to drink (like you said--she cut down on it, so I'm not using the words "get drunk" instead of "drink") doesn't mean she's going to go all ape-shit on you. I think you're worrying a little bit too much. Just sit back, relax, give it a while. If she goes back to 1st semester style, then you're going to have a problem. In that case, I'd give her the ultimatum "either the drinks.. or me."

Not instantaneously either. I'd explain to here (while she's sober, of course) where exactly you're coming from so she understands how it makes you feel and why your reason to leave her isn't bullshit.

Kudos for having balls.

[Gigabitch]

She needs to quit drinking altogether if she is an alcoholic. That's it. Otherwise, she just needs to grow up and exercise some self-control.

Either you can live with it, or you can't.

There's no reason to think that she'll do the same thing she did last semester, but I wonder if you're really firm in your resolve about what to do if she does. Make DAMN sure of that within yourself before you threaten her with it, because I can tell you from experience, ultimatums only work once.