Second chance after i pushed her away?

[Steve_au]

Hi All,

Up until last week i was in a 3 year relationship with a girl.. At the start of the relationship everything was fine we were talking and having fun etc.. But 7-8months into the relationship i think i started getting over it as all my other mates were going out partying hooking up with other girls etc (something i never really got the experience).. I think i started to push her away and not really care about her anymore.. over the next year or so it was kinda like a rollercoaster for me.. some months i was happy then others i was not..

I think i held onto the relationship for so long because of the company.. I travel alot for work and it would good to have someone to come home to on the weekends.. that and i really enjoy her company..

To cut a long story short.. last week she broke it off with me mainly because she reckons she was trying her best to get the relationship back on track but i never put any effort in (which is true)... I kind of knew this was coming and a few days before she broke it off i was starting to get the whole sick feeling if your tummy etc..

The first few days were fine, i was happy as if a load was taken off my back.. but for the past week i've just simply missed her and wanted her back in my life.. We still talk on the phone and she still cares about me but i'm just not to sure what to do next to get her back??

When we broke up i asked her if this was it or if there is a chance we can get back together.. she said of course there is but u need to prove that u really want to make things work (something along thoes lines)....

can anyone give me some tips on what to do as i really think i love this girl (just didnt realise it until she was gone)... im not really eating any more.. cant work.. cant do anything.. just keep thinking about her.. How oftern should i call her?? when i should i ask if i can take her our to dinner etc?? When i talk to her on the phone she seems fine as if shes not upset, is that a sign she wants to move on??

all my mates just say to move on.. which is not really the advice i was looking for so i thought id come here...

thanks!

[Steve_au]

btw im 24 and shes 21

[LoveHurts09]

Put the effort in.

if u want her back u need to prove it but first u need to really think about if u really love her or maybe u just loved having her around and the things she does for u - love is about the good and the bad.

if u are just going to get back with her simply because u miss her but not put the effort in to make her happy then stop being so selfish and let her go.

[Steve_au]

yeh its a valid point and something ive been thinking about for a while now..

One of the reasons why i didnt put the effort in before is because i was putting up a wall with my feelings etc..

i really didnt know how to talk to her about my feelings.. how i felt etc etc.. couldnt even really tell her i love her..

but after/during the breakup i simply just said everything and realised it was easy after all.. one of the main reasons why it all fell apart is because i was not tallking to her because i didnt know how..

i feel thats not an issue anymore..


just not to sure if i should wait a few weeks before trying to put the effort in or if i should start right away.. she said i can stil lcall her but not every day as it would be strange...

[Mish]

I think i started to push her away and not really care about her anymore..

Why is that?

[Steve_au]

Why is that?

I think it was a number of things..

-i think i was just scared about getting really serious
-from what i said in the first post i thought i wanted to just go out and party but i really dont...
-I never knew how to open up with my feelings etc.. i think i just ignored my feeling and pushed her away instead.. kinda ran away..

if that makes any sense??

[Mish]

And now you know how to open your feelings, want to be serious, not party any more and settle?

[Steve_au]

And now you know how to open your feelings, want to be serious, not party any more and settle?

nah ive done the whole party thing.. all that does is makes me spend alot of money and have nothing to show for it..

ive just brought a new house and trying to settle in a bit..