Would this creep you out?

[silverella]

arrrgh i just spent ages typing my situation up and igot logged out and lost everything, gahhh.

Anyway, i have been with husband 9 yrs, married for 2. it has its problems but i thought things were ok.

then at work 6 months ago during an intensely busy and stressful period in my job i met a guy. i obv liked him right away cos my boss (who is a friend of this guys) teased me about it...we bonded far quicker than my shyness would usually allow cos of the ordeal we had to go through together in work. lots of flirting, blushes, smiles, eyes lighting up...he directly asked me what i thought of him and i gave a semi joke/flirt answer which earned me a big blushing smile, and later i overheard him asking my boss what i thought. i was too out of it on stress and sheer activity to really acknowledge what was happening.

once the stress was over my natural shyness and also a lot of guilt and confusion settled in on my side. M as i'll call him didnt know i was married until a few days after i met him and i wasnt able to gauge his reaction when he found out - through a situation rather than anyone telling him - M and i were both rushing all over the place at the time. he treated me the same though. nice and teasing and cute and kind of embarrassed. he met my husband and was likewise warm and friendly to him (though my husband wasnt back, thats another story).

A couple of weeks passes. i feel increasingly infatuated, confused, dizzyingly in lust/like if not love, guilty, ecstatic, cant wait to get to work and for him to walk through the door. he makes the effort to talk to me, touches me on the arm, laughs when i say things that arent all that funny, all is ok...until money/career probs depress him, and the tension from everything left unsaid gets to me and i fancy him so much i can barely look at him, let alone talk. i become a cringing bumbling brain dead idiot. M becomes so listless and quiet he can barely speak either. we still look at each other and smile like we're sharing a private joke and he stil gives me the occasional reasurring pat if im looking particularly stressed, but conversation becomes difficult. i should prob mention at this point english is not his first language and he comes from a strict religious country where talking to girls even as friends is generally not done, he is urbanised and very educated so less so, but still.

i get to the point where i cant take the tension and something stupid has to burst out, i blurt out awkwardly how much i enjoy talking to him after we havent really spoken properly in a while. he looks stunned and then i think ecstatic, deeply touched and far away but it could have been mortified embarrasment, maybe i saw what i wanted to see but didnt get a chance to tell as i panicked and started gabbling then we both had to rush off to deal with work situations anyway. then fate conspires and we dont see each other for a week. i go insane, clean everything manically,dont eat or sleep...when i see him next i am so exhausted and pissed with the whole situation i purposefully dont smile back when he smiles at me. this wipes the smile off his face. and everytime i see him after that its like he's consciously making his face neutral and closed towards me whenever we speak.

he disappears for a bit and when i next see him, its for the last time. again he closes his face to me but stops for a chat and explains where hes been and that he isnt going to be in work so much now (not really his choice)...but i dont think i'll never see him again and we didnt say goodbye, which was usual in this place due to the rush and the busy- ness...yeh, i know, haha the crapness of the job got too much for me shortly after i realised he wasnt coming back and both my boss (who knew M as a friend) and me no longer work there.

its 4 months since i last saw him and im not getting over him thanks to damn facebook, we arent fb friends but we have a mutual friend ( M's friend, i briefly met him again thru work and added him on a whim before my feelings were so intense for M. his friend list is private, even to his friends so M would not obviously have my my name right there)...so i can see alll his pictures and could see his wall also til he changed his privacy settings a couple of months ago. my better side has finally won out - tho im feeling pretty miserable and grey about it, and i now honestly have accepted that nothing will ever happen and i want nothing from him. except closure and and goodbye. obviously sometimes, though rarely, M comments on our mutual friends' wall posts so i see his face and name pop up.

here's the Q i've been getting to, at long last - next time he comments would it be creepy if i messaged him thru fb based only on seeing his comment on his friends post? i mean, M and i were becoming friends once but things were so distant and awkward the last time we saw each other :/ i'm guessing once he knew how intense my feelings were he was kind of scared off and didnt approve of me still smiling and flirting and gave me the stone face to make me back off. and i dont want to creep him out contacting him after all this time if he's barely given me a second thought. and i want to have enough self respect to leave him alone if he scorns and despises me. but a goodbye would give me closure and i could make it clear that i really want nothing else and am sorry for any trouble i may have caused? what do you think, anyone who read this far !? i dont want to friend him as it wouldnt help the obsession at all.

ive never cheated in my life (im 25) and actually am usually very boring and moral and good and im pretty sure hes the same way. this hit me like a freight train...a crazy, immature, irresponsible freight train. the highs and lows i felt were incredible but its a nightmare situation and i pray it never happens to anyone reading this.

[Jenswaiting]

You know what creeps me out? The fact that you barely mention your husband and your parting comment is:

ive never cheated in my life (im 25) and actually am usually very boring and moral and good and im pretty sure hes the same way

Seriously? I think you need to get a bloody grip and think about your marriage! This guy is merely a symptom of what is wrong.

[silverella]

I wanted advice on the specific issue of contacting this guy, which is why i deliberately havent mentioned my husband...whole other kettle of fish..well lots of kettles of fish that i may well ask advice on in another post.

[MaidenMinx]

Hun, leave it alone. What's done is done and life rarely gives us the closure we feel we deserve. I'd also de-friend the mutual friend just so you can't cause yourself any more torment.

[pisces25]

now honestly have accepted that nothing will ever happen and i want nothing from him.

So you were planning on cheating on your husband?

but a goodbye would give me closure and i could make it clear that i really want nothing else and am sorry for any trouble i may have caused?

No it wouldn't. You want to contact him hoping he talks to you back and tells you things you want to hear.

Maybe knowing you were married made him run for the hills? Leave him alone and get a grip on yourself.

[sweetest]

you say that things aren't always fantastic in your marriage, of course they're not, nobody's marriage is fantastic 100% of the time, it's what you do when it's not so good that make it a marriage and not some fly by night relatonship.

if i were you i'd leave well alone, do nothing, say nothing and leave this infatuation where it belongs.

Trust me, no good whatsoever will come of making more of it. Instead use that energy to concentrate on your husband, he's the one you're married to not this other guy.

The grass does seem greener on the other side of the fence, of course it does, but it's only because it pisses down so much.

How would you feel if your husband was doing the same? I doubt you'd be too pleased.

Leave well alone.

[oldskool83]

your a peice of dog shit. if you'd spend as much of half the amount of engery on your marriage as you have on some good looking dipshit at work maybe you'd be haipper. wanna know your real problem? i think you've realized there are lots of men out there now after spend 9 years with one. dont even go there with the mornal BS, thats just to make yourself feel better. common sence says stay away, keep shit friendly and the hell with him. wanna know what a nasty divorce is like just pm me.... i dont give a shit if you dont like what i say...prob 80% of the other member will agree with me.

[pisces25]

Knew ya'd like this one WU

[Wakeup]

I wanted advice on the specific issue of contacting this guy, which is why i deliberately havent mentioned my husband...whole other kettle of fish..well lots of kettles of fish that i may well ask advice on in another post.

Did you honestly come here thinking that the good people of this forum would give you tips and advice on how to be a stupid twat, on how to betray your husband and your vows?

Geeeezuuuuuusssss... wtf is wrong with people now a days?

[oldskool83]

Did you honestly come here thinking that the good people of this forum would give you tips and advice on how to be a stupid twat, on how to betray your husband and your vows?

Geeeezuuuuuusssss... wtf is wrong with people now a days?

there are no mornals anymore as i stated months ago. 50% of thes eposts are about cheating, the other 50% are people who really enjoy sum1 else and want to try and make things work. thats WTFS wrong with people

[HeartIsAching]

So, you flirted at/with a guy at work who may or may not have been interested - hard to tell, since you didn't do any actual communicating on this, instead relying on facial expressions, speech mannerisms and eavesdropping on conversations...

Then you "deliberately didn't smile at him" and now that he's ****ed off and isn't paying attention to you, you're wondering if you should add him on FB. I'm thinking you're an attention whore.

BTW - your husband wasn't warm and friendly to him at your work because he'd noticed the change in behavior and once he met this guy at your work, he knew why.

[bulrush]

Silverella, you made vows to be married to one guy, so now you must keep them, for better or FOR WORSE, or get a divorce. If you want to date M, get a divorce, when the divorce is final, THEN date him, not before. Do the right thing and act like an adult, not like a 12 year old with "puppy love".

Honestly, I think you are too inexperienced to be married to anyone by the tone of your post. I still think you need to date other people to find someone you really connect with. But, you made your bed, now sleep in it.

[silverella]

Ack. well that's told me. i think i was bargaining with myself - 'if i can contact his just the once then i'll be good and forget him after that'...

Bulrush, yes this has occured to me. I'm too young and got married at a funny time in my life where i had nothing left inside me - i've changed since and oops, maybe my husband isn't the best match after all. didn't see that coming. However i've also come to the conclusiom that i need to stay where i am. I broached the subject of breaking up with him to see how he'd take it and he 100% couldnt/wouldnt see that anything was wrong and didnt see it coming. I don't feel i can leave if he's happier in the relationship than out, so i'm just going to have to make the best of it that i can and lately i've been doing that pretty well.

Hmmm, attention whore? maybe, i've never been accused of that one before..i think i'm more of a sensation whore, addicted to the physiclal highs and the rush i got talking to this guy.

I'm coming round to the idea I shouldn't say anything at all. honestly this is the first time this has happened to me in my life and the thoughts of not being able to 1) indulge in something when it's so pleasant and seemingly good and 2) having to leave a potential friendship unattempted, are alien and very unwelcome. I've had too much time on my hands the past few months and i admit that perhaps things got a tiny bit distorted in my head.

[MaidenMinx]

Those sensations were a direct result of the attention. Read the celestine prophecy. I think it would help a lot. (it's not a relationship guide)

[silverella]

I'll look into that, thanks.