girlfriend not sexually attracted to me

[255255j]

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Ok, so here is the deal.

I have been in a great relationship for the past 9 months. We get along great, have many similar interest and are basically best friends.

However, a week ago my girlfriend told me that she is not sexually attracted to me. She says that she doesn't know if she ever was, but is not at this point in time. She does not think im ugly or anything, it is just that she does not have the physical/sexual attraction to me.
She was the one that asked me out, and she said she did it because she loved my personality and just me in general.
We have had sex about once a week since we have been in the relationship and she said that there has only been one time where she was really into the sex and really felt attracted to me.

Last night I was at her house and we where watching Friends on her laptop on her bed. In one of the episodes Ross and Rachel get together for the first time and have a very passionate kiss. Not too long after the episode was over she turned to me and kissed me in a very passionate way. She then put away her laptop and we continued kissing. After a minute or two she stopped and just kind of laid down. She had been feeling a little sick earlier that day so I thought that her stomach may have been bugging her again.
I asked her about it and she said that she "wanted what Ross and Rachel had" but that shortly after she started kissing me she did not want it any more, the feelings just went away.

This whole situation is stressing us both out and really really frustrating her.
She does not know what she wants. But she did say that she does not want to ever lose me as a friend and that she really wishes she could change the way her body acts towards being attracted to me. She says otherwise it is a near perfect relationship, which I also think.

Also, she has said that she rarely sees guys that she is sexually attracted too. (and yes she is 100% hetrosexual)
And she says that sex with me is usually nice, she is just missing the attraction/want to have sex with me.


What should we do?

[laurenpelkey]

this happened to me, but not all the time. the guy i was seeing we were together for 9 months before i had to break it off. the whole 9 months i was trying to force myself to be attracted to him and the harder i tried the farther i fell. he was great all around too, sweet boy, very considerate, mad me laugh... ect ect... but there was just no chemistry and i wasn't attracted to him like that. In my case its chemistry; hopefully thats not the case for her.

[gHEXjt]

Sorry dude, you guys are finished. The fact that you're early in a relationship and only have sex once a week tells it all. If she's not physically in to you by now, she never will be...

[GrkScorp]

What should we do?

your post is like potent pheremones to my ears.. ahh!

ok.. well, you may be doing a couple of things wrong.. mostly because you're being lazy.. don't argue with me here.. it's pointless.. ask yourself.. have you really been the best boyfriend? SEXUALLY?

I mean, think about it for a second.. what is it you think you DO exactly that's so special? hmm? i'm waiting..

Yeah, exactly.. but that's not to put you down.. don't worry about it.. the male population in general is very lazy.. at this point.. when you hear about sex you probably think.. ALRIGHT! sex! why? because you're thinking about YOU.. how it will feel to you.. the please YOU're going to get.. etc.. it's ok.. you're not the only one.. you're part of the majority.. you have ALOT of friends.. buddies.. fellow supporters.. and I guarantee you.. it's much larger than NAR..

so, what can you do? well.. alot of things.. but let's just break it up into the basics.. and long-term and short-term things you can change..

Long-Term:

- Work out. I don't want to put your self-esteem down, but guys with an ugly face and a hot body will usually get more attention from women than the guy with the cute face and the bony or fat body.. The average body figure that women want to see.. the one that is highly desireable is something close to what John Abraham has.. not skinny, nice toned body, but not gorilla-like..
- Dress nice. Yeah, I get it, you have guy friends you want to appear "cool" to, and they'll probably make fun of you, or call you gay, or call you metrosexual when you start to dress nice.. forget them and ignore, that's the male psyche' espressing jealousy at your self-confidence and trying to lower it so you can be back down to their level.. How you dress plays a LARGE role in how sexy you are.. and women have different tastes.. so go shopping with her.. and ask her to pick stuff out.. be very open minded.. get her to pick 10 things.. and she has to rate them.. the ones with the highest rating by her are the ones you're most likely to buy and wear..
- Groom! Yes, shower, at least once a day, smell good, shave (I personally prefer not-fully, leave a little grub).. nails, always clipped.. NEVER leave the house if your nails aren't clipped, if your arm-pits smell, if you haven't showed.. and most importantly.. if you haven't brushed! Also, lips are a major turn-on.. so take care of them.. lip balm with you all the time.. and put it on like it's on sale every night when you go to bed..

Short-Term:

- Foreplay.. hint.. this starts way before your cloths come off! you'll get better at it as time goes by.. it's really something that you naturally develop..
- Go down South.. give this idea a thought.. if the penis was that wonderful.. no lesbian would ever exist.. but that's not the case.. learn to use your tongue.. your lips.. and just the front of your teeth (don't bite!).. now, I usually don't share this information, but i'll give you some essential hints to help you hang in there.. Start off by kissing your way down south.. and when you're there.. apply the super-glue of any relationship.. (mindblowing sex).. how?
- Tease! instead of going strait for the "Pink Floyd Flower", kiss around it, (as you kiss, let your lips rest slowly on her skin, and let the warm moist air come out from your mouth as your lips pull away.. don't forget to smile; even though she can't see it, she can feel it!).. as you're kissing around it.. gently massage/caress her knees while kissing her inner thighs (this relaxes the muscles responsible for intensifying the female orgasm).. now.. keep at it for as long as it takes while going back to kissing the area around the Pink Floyd Flower, and start gently and softly licking and kissing the flower slowly, and then move back to the thighs while making eye contact "having your eyes tell her I KNOW IT'S DRIVING YOU CRAZY"(sorry, I don't know how old the poster is).. read her signals.. LISTEN to her, FEEL her body talk to you.. realize when she can't take it anymore.. (because it's going to be WAY before she tells you, if she has to tell you, it's already too late).. and when you feel like you've teased her enough.. start to focus on the flower.. and when you do..

mix it up.. slow.. moderately fast.. fast.. then slow.. then really slow.. now.. your tongue should be doing several things.. not just up and down.. circular motions.. letting your front teeth gently rub against the clitoris while playfully laughing.. kiss as she's about to climax.. but here's the secret.. (yes, exposed!).. she's going to let you know.. "don't stop.. oh my g-d!.. that feels so good.." (when she's doing that.. go hard on the clitoris "like licking the last bit of honey stuck on a spoon") timing is key.. let her feel good.. but have a 3-5 second safety margin before you think she's about to orgasm.. be conservative.. and then stop.. kiss the clitoris softly.. playfully laugh and say something like.. "i'm sorry, did you want me to let you finish".. and smile.. remember, it's in the name of teasing.. let her know that this time.. you're going to let her finish.. pick it up again.. and as she's about to climax (be gentle, soft, but have plenty of contact on that clitoris.. this is the moment to overstimulate it, but not hard.. soft..).. and BAM! she's going to be orgasming.. don't stop! don't pull that head of yours away.. (instead, go from soft, back to hard.. lick that last bit of honey off the spoon).. until she's totally spent (tired)..

if done right.. (and I think i've been pretty detailed).. you'll give her the best orgasm of her life.. I like to make her think she can finish about 2-3 times before I let her finish.. (because each time you do that.. you build up tension, which only serves to increase the intensity of the orgasm you're going to finally let her enjoy).. plus.. for added sensual bonus points.. lol.. give her attnetion down there after she's done.. (not on the clitoris.. but on the rest of the area).. and finish up by gently kissing your way up to the inner thighs and knees.. and then go to the bathroom to clean up.. and come back

HINT: if the two of you make a ritual to take turns, make sure your turn is first.. only because, you want her to feel that it's her turn now.. and that she doesn't have to worry about getting to you later.. it allows her to focus on her at that moment..

hope this was helpful.. my personal trade-secrets feel so exposed.. but I hope you're able to keep things going and boost that sexual attraction towards you..

[NeoSeminole]

damn, that sucks. I guess try to improve your looks. It would help if you posted a pic of yourself. Sexual attraction is largely based on looks regardless of what anyone tells you. I've pulled girls before just with my body. Her saying you're not ugly is a nice way of her telling you that she's not physically attracted to you.

[laurenpelkey]

but all the above mentioned can be related to confidence... i mean whats the most attractive thing on a girl... that you are with.... besides the body and what not... confidence and personality... confidence is the sexiest thing a girl can wear its the same for guys... not to be confused with cockiness... but def. the above stuff will not only help you look better its a major boost in the ego.

[Mathias]

damn, that sucks. I guess try to improve your looks. It would help if you posted a pic of yourself. Sexual attraction is largely based on looks regardless of what anyone tells you. I've pulled girls before just with my body. Her saying you're not ugly is a nice way of her telling you that she's not physically attracted to you.

This is awful advice.

Yes, physical looks play a part, but it's not everything, especially when dealing with women.

It's 50-75% emotion. OP, you need to learn how to do it.

[Mathias]

but all the above mentioned can be related to confidence... i mean whats the most attractive thing on a girl... that you are with.... besides the body and what not... confidence and personality... confidence is the sexiest thing a girl can wear its the same for guys... not to be confused with cockiness... but def. the above stuff will not only help you look better its a major boost in the ego.

Cockiness works for me. :shrug:

My girlfriend comments on it all the time, but I get laid consistently.

[vashti]

If she's not physically in to you by now, she never will be...

I agree. Sexual attraction is at its peak early on in a relationship. If she isn't feeling intense physical attraction NOW, she probably won't ever, regardless as to whether or not you are physically perfect. Hell, the person I had the most chemistry with wasn't buffed out, nor even particularly handsome. Some things you just can't manufacture, and chemistry is one of them.

That being said, this doesn't mean you two can't have a happy life together, assuming you are both willing. Even the most passionate chemistry dies after a couple of years, and people are pretty much left at the stage you are in now. Intense attraction to the physical aspects of a person is fleeting.

I don't know what possessed her to tell you about this, BTW. It was pretty cruel, really. I'd worry about her mean streak, if I were you.

[Mish]

I agree. Sexual attraction is at its peak early on in a relationship. If she isn't feeling intense physical attraction NOW, she probably won't ever, regardless as to whether or not you are physically perfect. Hell, the person I had the most chemistry with wasn't buffed out, nor even particularly handsome. Some things you just can't manufacture, and chemistry is one of them.

That being said, this doesn't mean you two can't have a happy life together, assuming you are both willing. Even the most passionate chemistry dies after a couple of years, and people are pretty much left at the stage you are in now. Intense attraction to the physical aspects of a person is fleeting.

I don't know what possessed her to tell you about this, BTW. It was pretty cruel, really. I'd worry about her mean streak, if I were you.

+1

I think Vash nailed this one. And I agree, it was pretty cruel for her to tell you this. Maybe it's good for you in the long run, because you will now start improving yourself and your attraction methods, but clearly she was looking out for her own interests and being selfish here.

There's not a lot you can do, if she told you plain and simple that she wants what someone else was having. For people like that the pasture is always greener on the other side (until they get there).

The advice given above, especially by my man G was all good. You can try to also pick up dancing and learn a few hot moves. Start being more experimental, release an animal in you. But it's going to take a lot of work and like Vash said if she ain't feeling it now at this point in the relationship chances are it will be going downhill from there.

[GrkScorp]

The advice given above, especially by my man G was all good.

Alright! Promoted to "my man G"!

I feel my skin getting darker already; i'm slowly fading into the darkness, becoming one with the night.. 5-6 chains are appearing around my neck.. this ridiculously large and heavy diamond-studded platinum dollar sign, like the burden of 1000 mountains, is making it hard for me to keep my head up.. i'm trying to look into the mirror, but the glare reflecting off of all my gold & silver teeth is making it impossible to see.. oh oh! wait up dog, some girl is hitting me up on ma' t-mobile LX..

[NeoSeminole]

Mathias says:

"This is awful advice.

Yes, physical looks play a part, but it's not everything, especially when dealing with women.

It's 50-75% emotion. OP, you need to learn how to do it."

OP, don't listen to this guy/girl. Advice like his/hers may sound good but will hardly get you the results you want. Physical attraction plays a huge role upon first meeting the opposite sex. A girl will know whether she's sexually attracted to you or not within the first few min. You mentioned your gf originally asked you out b/c she liked your personality. I think it's safe to say you have that department covered if you managed to pull a girl without any physical attraction. However, she told you she doesn't know if she was ever sexually drawn to you. Now you know what you need work on.

[LostNotFound]

when i got together with my S.O i don't think i was physically attracted to him. it was definatly his personality and charm that won me over. but 2 years later honestly i'm luving his body. woo

[vashti]

Physical attraction plays a huge role upon first meeting the opposite sex. A girl will know whether she's sexually attracted to you or not within the first few min.

Yes, but what you wrote implies that AT THIS POINT, there is nothing that can be done, doesn't it? She isn't JUST meeting him, she's known him for months.

Looks might play a role initially, but looks certainly won't sustain a woman's interest.

[Junket]

It sounds like she might have this silly romantic fantasies she's too often seen on TV that she wants whatever boyfriend she might have to live up to.

Yeah, she's not worth sticking around, unless you wanna get married to somebody who sees you as little more than a friend.

Seriously, if you're not fúcking, what are you? Friends.

Or hell, brother and sister.