Need to tell someone...Kinda long

[montess85]

Hello. This is my first time posting on this forum. I usually don't talk about stuff like this but I feel compelled to vent to anyone willing to read this....I have never really been truly in love before....I have had girlfriends in the past and I have cared a great deal for them, but I met a woman about 2 years ago and have fallen for her....I have never felt this way before about anyone...The only problem is she is married....Now I know what I am doing is wrong but apparently she feels the same way about me.....We work together and since her husband works nights we hang out after work almost every day....Now we haven't slept together because I do have some morals...She vents to me about her husband and I do the same about girlfriends(I am single now though)....I dont know her husband at all and from what I hear he isn't a bad guy, but from what I can gather it seems to me that this girl just settled when they got married.....Today while crying she told me that she has never felt this way about her husband and that she thinks about me while they are making love....I feel horrible because I know she cares about her husband and she feel awful that she is thinking these things......I don't think she has the fortitude to leave her husband and I feel like she will just stay with him just because she doesn't want to hurt him.......I have asked a lot of people for advice and I get the same response ....They tell me to do what makes me happy and go after her if I love her......I really want to but I can tell that this whole situation is really upsetting her, and thats the last thing I want.....In the end I just want her to be happy....I just wish it could be with me....I think I am going to have to be the rock here no matter how much it hurts....I am going to stop talking to her I think.....I am used to taking one for the team I guess, even if this is my only chance to be happy....

[Feonixbrimstone]

You are in love. That's all I can say. and honestly i'm not gonna say that you need to do what makes you happy or go for her.

I'm gonna give you a piece of advice. "Men and women can't be real friends." now do i agree with this. NO. but it has its truth. Wherever we have female friends there is always some kind of sexual tension usually its so minute that its really not noticeable. but with you that tension has increased as you feelings have and you are able to control that which is a good thing.

I've been in a similar situation myself. i tried to keep my heart to my self but i just couldnt hold it in. so i told her how i felt and she said previously she had the same feelings for me but they went away as a crush. I've never stopped loing her but nothing can ever happen between me and her.

i guess what im trying to say it you need to tell her just how you feel because if you don't your sure to regret it. and tell her just what you want for her and hope for the best. things like this are hard to predict. but it sounds like you both do love each other so. i'm hoping for you to get what you want and for her as well.

[girl68]

Don't cross that line bro... don't

If she really wants you and really needs you she should muster up and leave.

Everyone has the right to be happy, even the husband.

[IndiReloaded]

If she really wants you and really needs you she should muster up and leave.

Everyone has the right to be happy, even the husband.

Brilliant. Here's the other point to consider:

If she'll do it to him, she'll do it to you. You are not the first guy to fall for the woman b/c she's using you as her emotional tampon.

Google 'emotional affairs'. You'll gain a whole new perspective on your situation.

Good luck.

[montess85]

I have considered the husband....Thats what makes this so difficult....And like I said she still cares about her husband....If she didn't have feelings for him still then I am sure I wouldn't be in the predicament.....

[IndiReloaded]

Well, don't you have a sense of Tragic? Star crossed lovers and all that jazz?

You know what I mean. Just chalk it all up to 'not meant to be', suck up your feelings and find someone available to love. Plenty of nice young, available women out there.

The stats on women actually leaving their husbands for 'the other guy' is abysmally low, do you know why?

She's got her security with her husband, and her 'feelings' satisfied with you. From her perspective, its perfect. She's not screwing you (yet) so she need have no guilt about her little side dish (you).

But, what are you getting out of it? A wife, a hot dinner, and regular sex to come home to?

Uh... nope.

Plus, the other thing to consider is that guys like you actually prevent this gal from sorting out her issues with her husband. Why should she? You are like an emotional band-aid for her. You make her FEEL soooo much better, so that she can tolerate yet another day of her horrible life w/her horrible husband.

Get it? You are in a no-win situation with this. Stay and 'help' and she won't ever leave him. I guarantee this.

Leave her alone and chances are she will work it out w/her husband.

Or like someone already said: if its that bad she will leave. But she needs to do so for HER reasons. Don't expect it tho, like I said unless he's an abusive brute, chances are low she'll bail. Maybe not even then. If she does go, fine. Be there to help her pick up the pieces. But leave her the hell alone until then. Out of respect for her, him, their still intact marriage, AND most importantly YOUR own sanity and self-respect.

Good luck, doll.

[Yggdrasil]

One simple tip: NEVER get involved with someone who is in a relation.

On a different note: if she cheats on her husband (with you), then I guarantee you, that she'll cheat on you to, sooner or later. Fact of life.

So if you want my advice: back off, unless you want a lot of tragedy, hurt and drama in your life.

[XaidaProdigy]

you should also consider how shes feeling right now. even though she has feelings for you its also betrayal to her husband. and if he figures out, all hell would broke loose causing you pain and full of drama...not to mention it will also harm her. even though you want her to be happy and to be with you. but unless you dont want to give up a person like that you should all you can, BUT think out all the outcomes and conclusion of the situation and be ready to face all the problems. "there are times in life where you can be selfish and do things you want to do, not what others want" you control the outcome.