I need advice about my relationship

[Crackers]

Hi all, I've had a lot on my mind lately regarding a girl I've been seeing for a few months. I'm hoping by sharing my experiences others could lend a hand or at least voice their opinion. They always say love blinds you and prevents you from thinking clearly.. that's where I hope all of you can come in and knock some lacking common sense into my head.

To begin, I'll start with some background info. I recently turned 27 and have had several 2-3 year relationships since I was a teen. When I was 16 I dated a girl for 3 years and she really set a benchmark to me. I loved this girl but she ended up hurting me quite badly during the breakup. Throughout the next few relationships I never had that same "love connection" I had felt with her. To be completely honest, I did like these girls a lot but whenever I said I love you, it was more or less to please them or say it back because they said it. After several failed relationships I was beginning to give up on the idea of finding someone I truly loved. If it happened it happened.

Fast forward to 2014, my friend (a girl my age) decided to return to college to take additional courses. She introduced me to one of her schools friends who is 18. We met, I thought she was nice but didn't think much else because of the age difference. We began to talk more and more and months later we are practically inseparable. Just as I had put love into the back of my mind I find this girl I now love more than anything, I cannot believe it. But here is where I begin to feel apprehensive and put up my guard. I'm old enough that I don't want to play teenage games. I'm not asking for marriage, I'm not ready for that either, but I definitely want a committed girlfriend. Over the past year and a half she has slept with 7 guys and used the love card very quickly into their relationships. It seems like she hooked up with anyone that gave her affection. However, in most instances it was the guy who broke off the relationship, perhaps she was too clingy for their liking? She's told me she loves me and this wouldn't normally bother me but how many people could you have "loved" when you're 18?

To my core concern, I am loyal and committed person, I don't do flings, that's why my relationships have lasted 2-3 years.. how do I know she is committed too? I realize shes 18 but that many intimate relationships makes me wonder how did all of them fail after such a short period and what does she really want? It has been a long time since I have felt this way about somebody and I would be devastated for it to be false. I am not getting any younger and I want to ensure I am making a wise emotional decision. I apologize (Canadian, in our blood) if this is not clear or concise, as I said love blinds you and I'm looking for some guidance from an outsider looking in as I'm not thinking clearly.

Thanks to everyone for reading and those willing to help a guy out.

[XyOh]

Your story reminds me of a quote I heard on the radio once and it goes something like: "A nineteen year old woman has all the power she will ever have in relationships, but lacks all the experience she needs to know how to use it."

She's 18 and women at this age are still working on their sense of identity. This doesn't mean that she's unstable per se, but it does mean that you really don't know what she's going to pull out of her bag of tricks. I say this because you're 27. It's risky business. And she already sounds risky as hell for an 18 year old. I kind of think that no matter what her past is, you're sort of taking a risk with a woman so young. Sure, you're not looking for marriage, but I'm hoping you're at least looking for a smart relationship.

My personal opinion is that 18 year old girls should date 18 year old boys, plus or minus a few years. Maybe it'll work, maybe it won't. My money is on "won't."

[smackie9]

History speaks for itself. Red flags are everywhere. She is not going to give you want you need in the long term. You will be making a huge mistake. Your relationships have frittered here and there because you don't walk away from a bad situation. You are too caught up in your emotions to stop yourself from the inevitable.....a shitty ending. Now stop being a foolish twit, and date someone that is stable, has a good head on her shoulders, and is age appropriate.

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"Dating smart" is the key quote in this thread.

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I feel you just like the idea of being in a relationship, more than the person you are with.

[Crackers]

Thank you both for the advice, well said. You definitely have great valid points and I need to think this over. I fully agree that in the short term this may seem like it's working but long term I am simply wasting time.

[basilandthyme]

>>Your story reminds me of a quote I heard on the radio once and it goes something like: "A nineteen year old woman has all the power she will ever have in relationships, but lacks all the experience she needs to know how to use it."

She's 18 and women at this age are still working on their sense of identity. This doesn't mean that she's unstable per se, but it does mean that you really don't know what she's going to pull out of her bag of tricks. I say this because you're 27. It's risky business. And she already sounds risky as hell for an 18 year old. I kind of think that no matter what her past is, you're sort of taking a risk with a woman so young. Sure, you're not looking for marriage, but I'm hoping you're at least looking for a smart relationship.<<

Absolutely cracking piece of advice. Awesome