Why do girls always want to be "friends" after?

[Graham Berkeley]

This hasn't happened to me lately but I just watched it happen to one of my old College buddies. They have a big fight and she says shes done but wants to keep being friends. Month goes past and she calls him to tell him about a bad date she had like he was her girlfriend. WTF?

Something happened to me like this a couple years ago where my Ex cheated on me, moved out, but tells me she wants to stay friends and needed my "support". She had the nerve to tell a mutual friend that If I really loved her I would support her because all she was trying to do was be happy.

What is going through a woman's mind when she does this that possesses her to think this is at all appropriate and rational?

Why is it if you call them on this they say something like "I'm going to stop talking to you if you keep making me feel guilty!"

I thought this was something young immature girls did but I've seen plenty of "mature" women do this too... Explain please

[NeoSeminole]

they want to keep you around as backup in case things don't work out with potential guys they like.

[Raze]

Yeah, they want to keep you around for selfish reasons and make it seem like they are being nice. I really hate it when that happens. That's when I break up, I make sure to sever all contact with that person because to not do that would just add more heartache and selfishness to the recipe of disaster.

[btworld]

Actually, that may be true about some. But when I say I would like to be friends, I really do mean it. There are different circumstances to each case though.

[Graham Berkeley]

Actually, that may be true about some. But when I say I would like to be friends, I really do mean it. There are different circumstances to each case though.

You mean you want to hang on in case you realize you screwed up?

[ShyGuy81]

Actually, that may be true about some. But when I say I would like to be friends, I really do mean it. There are different circumstances to each case though.

I think that different circumstances do have different outcomes.

Personally I would not like to see my ex again. But if I broke up with my current girlfriend we have a lot more in common and I would like to stay friends with her.

I have a couple of friends who have stayed in touch with their ex's and they still have a laugh when they see each other out and still stay in touch.

Lee

[btworld]

Actually, I've been the one wanting to make it work with my ex, but he just didn't care enough about me to do anything about it. He would tell me to wait and hang on for him, meanwhile he's flirting with others and trying to get back together with his ex. So I finally had to let myself go, but still wanted to be friends with him in case he changed his mind and changed. ...Don't see that happening however, and don't really want him back. But do still want to be friends with him because I still care about him. My other ex I wanted to remain friends with him because I really do want to be friends with him. I wouldn't keep him hanging as a could-be boyfriend because that wouldn't be right.

[ShyGuy81]

There is that fine line between wanting to stay friends because you get on really well but know it will not work as a relationship and then wanting to stay friends as you want to get back with them and hope that they will come back.

No wonder we all get so confused at times

Lee

[Raze]

Actually, I've been the one wanting to make it work with my ex, but he just didn't care enough about me to do anything about it. He would tell me to wait and hang on for him, meanwhile he's flirting with others and trying to get back together with his ex. So I finally had to let myself go, but still wanted to be friends with him in case he changed his mind and changed. ...Don't see that happening however, and don't really want him back. But do still want to be friends with him because I still care about him. My other ex I wanted to remain friends with him because I really do want to be friends with him. I wouldn't keep him hanging as a could-be boyfriend because that wouldn't be right.

Girls have this delusion that they can fix guys. YOU CAN'T FIX A GUY. YOU CAN'T FIX A GUY. YOU CAN'T FIX A GUY. YOU CAN'T FIX A GUY.

1) You're doing this to yourself
2) You're delusional, men won't change who they are. Seek help.
3) I think you are a glutton for punishment.
4) You don't realize that you are just keeping in around. You're subconscious realizes what your brain does not. You even said it in your post that you're waiting around for him.

[btworld]

Girls have this delusion that they can fix guys. YOU CAN'T FIX A GUY. YOU CAN'T FIX A GUY. YOU CAN'T FIX A GUY. YOU CAN'T FIX A GUY.

1) You're doing this to yourself
2) You're delusional, men won't change who they are. Seek help.
3) I think you are a glutton for punishment.
4) You don't realize that you are just keeping in around. You're subconscious realizes what your brain does not. You even said it in your post that you're waiting around for him.

Well, I also said I didn't really want him back. I don't see him changing, even if he's said he has. More likely the reality is, he won't change for me, but he'll learn his mistake and be the better boyfriend for someone else. And to be honest, although I still have feelings for him, I wouldn't get back together with him because I know it would just be an endless cycle and I would just get hurt again. Sometimes people learn from their mistakes a little too late, unfortunately.

[little pingoin]

I'm friends with several exes and not with others. I think it does depend on the circumstances of the relationship and the breakup. Admittedly, there was always that mourning period where there was no contact, which I think is the step a lot of people neglect when they try to remain friends with former lovers. There is no switch that you can flip that will change your relationship from lover to friend. For purposes of maintaining your sanity, there has to be a clear break and an opportunity to pick up the pieces without the other person knocking them out of your hands again.

[Graham Berkeley]

Girls have this delusion that they can fix guys. YOU CAN'T FIX A GUY. YOU CAN'T FIX A GUY. YOU CAN'T FIX A GUY. YOU CAN'T FIX A GUY.

1) You're doing this to yourself
2) You're delusional, men won't change who they are. Seek help.
3) I think you are a glutton for punishment.
4) You don't realize that you are just keeping in around. You're subconscious realizes what your brain does not. You even said it in your post that you're waiting around for him.

Well that is the case with young girls and future-less guys. I'm not in that category thankfully. Never had a woman try to change me.

[Yggdrasil]

This hasn't happened to me lately but I just watched it happen to one of my old College buddies. They have a big fight and she says shes done but wants to keep being friends. Month goes past and she calls him to tell him about a bad date she had like he was her girlfriend. WTF?

Something happened to me like this a couple years ago where my Ex cheated on me, moved out, but tells me she wants to stay friends and needed my "support". She had the nerve to tell a mutual friend that If I really loved her I would support her because all she was trying to do was be happy.

What is going through a woman's mind when she does this that possesses her to think this is at all appropriate and rational?

Why is it if you call them on this they say something like "I'm going to stop talking to you if you keep making me feel guilty!"

I thought this was something young immature girls did but I've seen plenty of "mature" women do this too... Explain please

It's simple: they love to 'keep you around' in case your 'services' are needed.

These 'services' can vary from calling you in the middle of the night from the middle of nowhere to come pick her up because she has a flat tire (hey.. what are friends for, right?), over asking if you could quickly help her adjusting her satelite dish or fix the leaking kitchen sink (hey.. what are friends for, right?) to emotional and sexual needs (hey.. what are friends for, right?).

Combine this with some guilt tripping (IF you don't do this, our friendship is over...) and what do you have?

Right... any self respecting guy would tell a gall like this to go eff herself.

Hope you're getting the idea. It's about using the dumpee under the disguise of friendship.

And now you can ask yourself the question why these immature dodobrains call guys like me assholes. Simple, because their shit doesn't work on someone with a good dose of self esteem.

[Graham Berkeley]

Couldn't have said it better myself.

[boobaa]

Well, I also said I didn't really want him back. I don't see him changing, even if he's said he has. More likely the reality is, he won't change for me, but he'll learn his mistake and be the better boyfriend for someone else. And to be honest, although I still have feelings for him, I wouldn't get back together with him because I know it would just be an endless cycle and I would just get hurt again. Sometimes people learn from their mistakes a little too late, unfortunately.

But you have feelings for him... So why are yous till hanging around, can't get back together and just torment yourself?