So... now its like 90-95% certain that they are breaking up... what should I do?

[soulsurvivor23]

So as a brief update:

I did eventually start to talk to her again, but 2 things I made sure to tell her...
1. I was done pursuing her in terms of a romantic relationship.
2. That i'm out looking (for other girls)..

To which neither she sounded happy about but it felt good to regain some of my manhood.

Anyways on to the current ongoings,

She's been telling me her relationship is rocky for probably the past week. For whatever reason after I told her I wasn't interested like that (which wasn't entirely true obviouly) she started to tell me more about that relationship and how it's been going downhill... So, a few days ago she told me that he met a "friend" over there that he's spending all his time with, he stopped calling, and he makes excuses when she calls.... So barring some kind of major turnaround it's looking like that relationship is all but officially over.

So... somehow or another we were talking and she ended up asking me "do you still want me?" And inside I kinda screamed, YES, THAT'S WHAT I'VE WANTED ALL THIS TIME WOMAN!!!" lol but out loud I found myself saying "i'm not gonna give that question an answer right now.." Because I'm honestly really confused as to what I want to do.

I told this girl that I refused to be her 2nd choice, but now with this very soon to be opening, I have that opportunity and I don't really want to let it slip away. At the same time, I don't want to get with her and a few months down the road have her do to me what she did to him. I'm really really confused right now. What do I do?

[Mish]

Leave her be, she's not worth all the drama

[Bumble_bee]

yeah, you've got cushion written all over you....

keep playing it cool, if you turn her down and she finds another guy to rebound on you'll be glad it wasn't you.

your not 2nd best survivor..remember that

[SAVANAH]

Yes let her go and after enough time and begging from her side then you consider taking her back, don't be her rebound guy it'll just cause you pain and heartache, think with you brain not with your heart in this situation, if you play your cards well you might end up with her really wanting to be with you or even better find someone that actually deserves you!

[ecojeanne]

ah survivor...what did we discuss before eh?

she will do the same to you that she has done to him. do not go there unless you like the idea of that prospect...some people like to self destruct..i dunno? up to you

[soulsurvivor23]

Well to be honest, based on what i've told you guys, I can see why you would say that... But based on the information she finally told me over the past week or so, I think totally differently now than I did then.

Without divulging too much info, this is what she said.

A. This guy is her first love. He's the first and only guy she's ever been in love with. So I can see in that sense why it's been hard for her to let him go.

B. There was a situation that happened in her past involving a guy who lead her on and then tried to force himself on her, so she said since that time it's been hard for her to trust guys again.. And this guy that she's with now was the first guy she dated since that happened and the only guy (prior to me) that she said "i love you" to. And she said that's why she didn't believe me right away when I told her about my feelings..

So my own personal interpretation is that it's not just that she made some kind of promise to him. It's that himself being her first love it's always hardest to let go of that person. And not only that, since she has a very hard time trusting guys, she may have felt like she wants to stick with the sure thing with him... She said that it took her over a year and a half to trust him and that he stayed by her during that time... I've known her for like 9 months, and I told her I love her for the first time like 4 months ago.. So I guess she felt like maybe I do or maybe I don't but she knows (or at least she thought) she could trust him so she didn't want to end it and take the perceived risk.

I've realized that the best looking ones are often the ones with the most issues... So I don't know, I still have a lot of feelings for her but I don't know, she has way too much going on.

[ecojeanne]

she is filling you with bullshit to keep you there...but maybe you want the drama? it's ok to want drama, i'm a bit of a drama ho too.

[soulsurvivor23]

Maybe i'm just being overly trusting, but I doubt all of that was fabricated.

[Asip4u]

Some people have a hard time letting go of their past...She pretty much told you this..you have to decide whether you want to risk getting hurt more...

[soulsurvivor23]

Some people have a hard time letting go of their past...She pretty much told you this..you have to decide whether you want to risk getting hurt more...

And it's a tough choice I have... But I think that when the time comes and when they do officially break up that i'm gonna tell her straight up that i'm not willing to start anything with her until I know and have reason to believe that things are 1000% over between her and her ex and that if she's not willing to wait and prove that to me, then it's her loss.

[ecojeanne]

i do think that she is using her past as a tactic to keep you there. some people have a tendancy to embellish the truth and act like a wounded animal to be 'saved'. if you really think about it how come it wasn't spoken about before? it wasn't because she had no real reason to be concerned that you wouldn't stay...you have to decide what you want here and what will make you happy.

[Bumble_bee]

And it's a tough choice I have... But I think that when the time comes and when they do officially break up that i'm gonna tell her straight up that i'm not willing to start anything with her until I know and have reason to believe that things are 1000% over between her and her ex and that if she's not willing to wait and prove that to me, then it's her loss.

sounds good....let her prove to you that she means what she says. good luck survivor, hope it all works out.

[Yggdrasil]

I think you should wait till she's 300% single.

100% single, 100% over her ex and 100% has done all the work required to have a healthy relation.

[soulsurvivor23]

well when I said 1000% it wasn't a typo. Anyone can SAY that they are over there ex. Hey, I been there. I said it tons of times, I even tried to mean it. But when I was really over her, I knew it, and I no longer needed to say it as validation. The constant thoughts of her were gone, and the desire to be with her was really over.... So in this case, i'm going to tell her just like you guys are saying that she has to prove to me that she's completely over her ex, she doesn't want to go back to him, and that she's willing to work to regain my trust before any relationship between she and I can happen.

[soulsurvivor23]

But that's the thing, I said nothing of dating her right away. I have been going out with other girls in the mean time, but i'm saying that i'm open to something happening in the future depending on how the next few months go with her.