Did I do the right thing? Doesn't feel like it...

[Soulkiss_29]

I feel like I'm dying on the inside because I broke up with my girlfriend of a year and a half, two days ago.

Throughout our relationship, it's been rocky. Before my girlfriend and I got together, she told me that she had some issues and I had asked her what they were, but she told me that she didn't even know. I gave it a shot anyway.


The times we would argue (the arguements were never serious), she always pulled away. I always tried to make peace with her, because I just wanted us to get along. That's all I wanted; just to get along.

Thursday night, were were playing a card game and we started arguing over something so stupid. After the game, I let it go, but she was still pissed off. I started to gather my cards and was ready to go home for the night. She started shutting off all the lights and was standing behind me. I looked at her and had asked her what she was doing. She said that she was waiting for me to gather my things so she could go to bed. She was standing there like, "hurry up damn it". Now, I don't think that is anyway to treat your partner. She was just standing there as if she wanted to shoo me off. So, I went upstairs and she walked me to the door. I tried to kiss her goodnight, but she pulled away. I tried again, but she still pulled away. I asked her to sit on the couch and said that we needed to discuss things about our relationship. I asked her if it was over and she just responded with 'go home'. I took a deep breath and told her that this isn't gonna work. She said, 'fine' and walked me to the door.

That's the last I saw or heard from her. I don't know if I did the right thing; maybe I shouldn't have been so quick to make a snap decision. All I know is that I'm tired of hurting; I'm tired of trying to make peace; I'm tired of chasing her.

These last two days have been rough for me, because I'm contemplating whether or not I made the right decision. All I know is that I feel like I'm dying on the inside. My world has been turned upside down and I don't know which way is up. I figure that it's best to suffer now, then suffer for the rest of my life. Do you think I made the right decision? It sure doesn't feel like it. I miss her and I'm still in love with her...

[schueys_girl]

I think you did do the right thing mate (apologies if some of the stuff i say isnt correct because i have just got in from work when i read your post and i am somewhat bleary eyed and tired )

You basically wernt happy with the way she was treating you (which wasnt nice at all), and because she wasnt making you happy you decided to let go. You tried to do it in a reasonable way and she just blew you off. Give her some space, i know its hard, but with an attitude like hers you couldnt of gone on forever, and maybe she'l have time to recollect her feelings and realise she was behaving unfairly to you and realise what she was missing.

Did you used to see each other a lot, as in every day or night? The reason i ask this is because i did this with my boyfriend for sometime, and found myself having a long face a lot of the time, not because i was in a mood but because i wasnt excited about seeing him all the time or enjoying him as much. This was because i saw him all the time so i didnt treasure him. We argued over silly things too. All we found we had to do was have a few nights apart every week and the sillyness and my moods for no apart reason stopped.

stay strong, its hard, but i think you did the right thing...

[Dzeni]

You did the right thing. Best piece of advice anyone ever gave me was not to second guess myself. There are enough people out there second guessing you already.

I am surprised that you put up with it for so long. If it is not working, why suffer?? You deserve to find someone kind, caring and optimistic. She is out there. The search continues.

Dzeni
[url]http://www.dzeni.blogspot.com[/url]

[Joe_Watson]

If you think you did the right thing, then you did the right thing.
It doesn't get any simpler than that.

[bohemiandonut]

Wow, I came here to find someone in a situation similar to mine but not expecting to find something so identical. I am in the exact same position you were Soulkiss, still in a relationship very similar to the one you have described. I want to let go of the pain and not be exploited as an emotional punching bag for someone who doesn't deserve me, but I feel like if I let go I will be empty and that will hurt even more. We have the same type of arguments, I think, did it seem like she suddenly just lost her sense of humor? It's a confusing state to be in because it is just my nature to question if maybe I'm what's wrong here. My girlfriend has issues too, I know what some of them are but I think the main one is that she is weaning herself off of anti-depressants. This was something we talked about but I think I may be delusional in hoping that at some point she will suddenly change. Do people ever change overnight? Because if it is going to take a year I just won't make it. I'm so tired, like you said, of chasing her and being ran away from and treated so badly.

The whole situation is just too much to handle. My thoughts are scattered and contradictory and Dzeni you say not to second guess yourself but isn't that what Schuey is suggesting she will do after time to sit and reflect? I think the ability to second guess yourself is essential, you just can't allow other people to take control of that second guess. I guess. I just want someone kind and caring and optimistic, but not just anyone you know I want her to be that, now!

Have any of you ever seen Breakfast at Tiffany's? If you want to be understood and see the way she was treating you, objectively, then rent that movie Soulkiss. Holly-go-Lightly is the girl we are both chasing and both hoping for the transformation she makes at the end of the movie where she realizes she has to abandon some of her fear and some of her self to really love and be loved. But that's Hollywood. In the book she gets on the plane and never comes back.

Soulkiss, even if she never makes that transformation you will be okay. And if she does, then you will be okay too. I suppose pain is just essential to love and to life. My overall impression is that you deserve better. For all we know she is aware of that too. But you can't force it.

God this is hard.

[schueys_girl]

whats all this second guess stuff mean? lol sorry to throw that in there think im having a blonde moment

[Joe_Watson]

whats all this second guess stuff mean? lol sorry to throw that in there think im having a blonde moment

It means you keep doubting yourself everytime you do something.
Mostly it could be caused by lack of self-confidence and/or just being insecure about something.
Moreover, it's basically the inability to make a decision without constantly wondering if you did the right thing. It's basically not having faith in your actions. At least that's my theory on it. Perhaps you didn't know what "second guessing" meant because you call it something else in the U.K.?

[bohemiandonut]

I just mean it is okay to question yourself, but you should never take someone else's word over your own feelings.

[Soulkiss_29]

Thank you all. I still am suffering, because I remember the good times we've had. I guess the best thing to do is to cherish the great moments spent together and close this chapter of my life and start a new one.

Once again, thanks for your kind words. I'm sure the healing process will be that much faster.

Godspeed to you all!
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO