Types of porn - what is acceptable?

[Mary72]

My partner & I are in our late 30's - we watch porn together and I'm happy and at ease with that and usually help choose what we will watch, I also know that my partner watches it alone and whilst I wouldn't particularly like to know when this is happening .. I'm OK with it as long as our sex life doesn't suffer.

Yesterday I tried to access a website beginning with the letter 'T' and the internet history on vista brought up a massive list of porn sites all with teens in the title, ie. one was called for instance 'teenage girl squad' .. and I was quite upset by this. I'm usually very open minded and can't explain why its upset me, I just feel porn about teenagers is more for young lads and at our age its a bit weird. I had a go saying he might not know what could be found on teen sites and the girls on there may not even be of a legal age which could get him into trouble accessing the sites ... maybe a bit over the top but I do honestly feel a bit like he's been looking at kids and although these girls are probably over 16 it just doesn't feel right to be searching for that particular age group rather than general porn with slighty older stars (at least in their 20's for instance) Anyhow I was angry and lost it and now he's not talking to me and I spent the night on the sofa, he doesn't take very well to being told off by me and will not talk it through.

I think part of my problem too is that my ex husband decided to cheat on me with my much younger sister when she was 19, this is what split us up and now I'm with my partner and we are probably getting to the same amount of years to when this happened before. So to find that he like looking at young girls in porn makes me feel hurt. How do I talk to him about this without having another go, at the moment he won't talk to me at all and its tearing me apart. Should I have just ignored something that upsets me or have I gone totally over the top with this.

[vashti]

I'm not a huge fan of porn, but it seems you went a bit over the top. "Teen" probably refers to 18 and 19 year olds (and older women who lied about their age). It is illegal for anyone under 18 to engage in pornography, and if you are going to consent to porn, it seems unreasonable to limit it this way.

BTW - your sister sucks.

[RouRou]

Ok, this post was right up my alley. Porn has been a huge issue in my relationship. My bf and I had a very active sex life, I found out he watched porn and I said as long as it never comes between us Im ok...Months later I found out exactly what kind of porn..."jailbait" "underage teen porn" "leewd teens"

Most pay sites will use a woman that is in her early 20's portraying to be 18 sometimes even younger, for some weird reason beyond me some men are attracted to very young girls. My ex bf who i just broke up with on the other hand actually likes 16yr old girls. He will openly admit it. There are so many websites now like pichunter.com that has a section called "young porn" and "teen porn" and when you go there its a lot of links to pay sites with actual of age girls but unfortunatly there are a lot of links to sites where these young girls take pics of themselves and post it on the internet. I do not think you went over the top with this. When I confronted my ex with what I had found he reacted the same way...why wouldnt they? Its shamful and they are probably embarrassed because its called hemophilia...someone that is sexually attracted to teens. Not a pedo but not fully into adults. My ex would say that porn stars look fake, hated fake boobs, lots of makeup...I couldnt understand why not look for a girl next store type of porn star...why the kid next door??? The only porn star he actually likes...portrays looking like a young teen. I have talked with countless ppl about this and it is not normal and my guy is a lot younger than your guy. You should not be worried that you upset him, he should be worried why hes looking at teens.

[carl1222]

I think you meant "Ephebophilia" ... a sexual attraction to late adolescents. Hemophilia is a rare blood disorder that keeps your blood from clotting.

[CocoChanel]

Oooooo.... he has an infatuation with teens. Not cute.
Even if the women are older and just playing the part.
Still... he likes the idea of teen.

[Seradin DaCuir]

My partner & I are in our late 30's - we watch porn together and I'm happy and at ease with that and usually help choose what we will watch, I also know that my partner watches it alone and whilst I wouldn't particularly like to know when this is happening .. I'm OK with it as long as our sex life doesn't suffer.

Yesterday I tried to access a website beginning with the letter 'T' and the internet history on vista brought up a massive list of porn sites all with teens in the title, ie. one was called for instance 'teenage girl squad' .. and I was quite upset by this. I'm usually very open minded and can't explain why its upset me, I just feel porn about teenagers is more for young lads and at our age its a bit weird. I had a go saying he might not know what could be found on teen sites and the girls on there may not even be of a legal age which could get him into trouble accessing the sites ... maybe a bit over the top but I do honestly feel a bit like he's been looking at kids and although these girls are probably over 16 it just doesn't feel right to be searching for that particular age group rather than general porn with slighty older stars (at least in their 20's for instance) Anyhow I was angry and lost it and now he's not talking to me and I spent the night on the sofa, he doesn't take very well to being told off by me and will not talk it through.

I think part of my problem too is that my ex husband decided to cheat on me with my much younger sister when she was 19, this is what split us up and now I'm with my partner and we are probably getting to the same amount of years to when this happened before. So to find that he like looking at young girls in porn makes me feel hurt. How do I talk to him about this without having another go, at the moment he won't talk to me at all and its tearing me apart. Should I have just ignored something that upsets me or have I gone totally over the top with this.

Most sex therapists and psychologists indicate that for couples the best porn is "couples porn." Simply put, you're watching other couples have sex. This is the type of porn I am referring to when you're together "watching porn." When you're together and you're watching porn that is not couples orientated, (say self pleasuring or girl on girl etc.) this may create feelings of jealousy or esteem issues. Not something you want to either experience or have your partner experience when your hormones are peaking at that particular moment in time. Obviously the type of couples porn you watch will be based on your sexual orientation.

If you've come to a decision that you are both ok with watching porn separately, you really don't have any control over what you watch or your partner watches. Again, based on your sexual orientation, the only risk you have here is for example you're a straight couple and you find out your girlfriend is watching shemale sex. If you discover it, it may raise questions or concerns, or it won't at all. In your particular example, your partner may have a fetish for "teen" orientated imagery, and this may be something you'll need to discuss, possibly explore in your sexual relationship, and possibly integrate into your sexual relationship. Since role playing can be a component of sex, maybe that is something he may like. And maybe there is something else you like too (fetish, certain toy, strap on, whatever) and that gives the both of you a chance to add something new to the mix.

The other issue here is you have a precedence set with your past situation. This situation has nothing to do with him, however you're fueling your "in the present" pain over his decision to watch this kind of porn to that situation "in the past." It's a bad connection to something in the past to your present. This guy is your present, and your ex husband and his behavior is your past. The way to go is to first discuss with him however you can his choice of porn, ask him why he likes it, etc. Again, it may be something you'll end up integrating into your sex life. Then simply tell him your history on why it bothers you, but not that your concerned he'll cheat on you with a teen, but that his actions connect you to a past situation. From there, you can move forward in the situation.

[Junket]

"Teen" porn is so common I wouldn't even consider it a paraphilia, but a fetish at best.

Anyway, all the legit sites will be hosting pictures of 18 year olds at best (if you're in the United States, don't know about the UK). I don't see what the big deal is.

Betcha he'll cover his tracks better next time, though.

[Lipp]

I reckon that, as mentioned, "teen" hints more towards the 18-early 20's bracket rather than actual kids, and acts as a filter so that you don't end up watching 40y+ couples going about it.

There isn't really a term to limit the age bracket in any other way.